Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that my sister has uninvited my husband and some of my children to her wedding?

449 replies

Reallybadidea · 26/09/2020 21:09

Sister is getting married next month. It was going to be a fairly big wedding but coronavirus rules mean that she can now only have a maximum of 15 people in total, including bride and groom. My eldest daughter and I are bridesmaids and still invited, but she has decided that she would prefer for a group of friends to be among the guests in preference to my husband and other 2 children (her nephews).

I get that she's in a difficult position, but I'm really hurt that she's picked friends over family. I'm not going have an argument over it, it's not worth it, but I'm interested to know how other people would feel in this situation.

OP posts:
Benjispruce2 · 27/09/2020 08:38

I understand but kids at weddings is controversial anyway. They’ll get over it.

PutThemInTheIronMaiden · 27/09/2020 08:42

YABVU.

SoloMummy · 27/09/2020 08:45

@Reallybadidea

Sister is getting married next month. It was going to be a fairly big wedding but coronavirus rules mean that she can now only have a maximum of 15 people in total, including bride and groom. My eldest daughter and I are bridesmaids and still invited, but she has decided that she would prefer for a group of friends to be among the guests in preference to my husband and other 2 children (her nephews).

I get that she's in a difficult position, but I'm really hurt that she's picked friends over family. I'm not going have an argument over it, it's not worth it, but I'm interested to know how other people would feel in this situation.

@Reallybadidea I totally understand your disappointment. It does seem harsh choosing all of those friends over the niece and nephew. Though I sometimes think that because they don't now both live with you, some people view this as different. You're in a Catch22. In that you'll always harbour some resentment, but can never really say anything because it's her choice...
Friendsoftheearth · 27/09/2020 08:49

Your poor sister, what a terrible position to be in.

I too would choose friends over family, and it is her choice, the very least I would do in your position is to support and respect her decision, and do what you can to make it a day to remember for her.

This day is not about you, your dh or dc

LilyLongJohn · 27/09/2020 08:53

Her wedding, her choice.

Tbh it wouldn't bother me at all, she's in an impossible situation and I'd appreciate that. By the time you've had the bride and groom, parents, siblings, bil/sil, nieces and nephews, there's hardly anything left for the people you actually like Grin

BojoKilledMyMojo · 27/09/2020 08:54

I think you're being incredibly unreasonable to not understand that your sister would prefer to have her friends at her very small wedding than your children.

The selfishness of some people knows no bounds.

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 27/09/2020 08:57

I think you are being selfish, sorry

Mittens030869 · 27/09/2020 09:02

I understand that you’re disappointed, OP, but your sister isn’t being unreasonable. The limit of 15 guests is putting so much pressure on couples getting married at the moment and there are obviously going to be guests who will be disappointed.

TheShapeJaper · 27/09/2020 09:03

Her entire wedding will not be what she envisaged. Did you get married during a global pandemic? Did the government place restrictions on your wedding? This is your sisters wedding, not yours. Stop being so selfish.

Porridgeoat · 27/09/2020 09:05

I think it’s perfectly fine for her to do this. She is picking out those closest to her. With a rule of 15 that’s all she can do in this difficult situation.

Porridgeoat · 27/09/2020 09:07

I agree you’re being selfish and thinking of your family only

StillCoughingandLaughing · 27/09/2020 09:13

I don't really see how being quietly disappointed on my dc's behalf makes me a guestzilla, unsupportive or suggests that I don't care about her.

Because not once, in any of your posts, have you expressed even the slightest sympathy for your sister, who, having already had to dramatically re-evaluate her wedding plans, found out just last week that what was a carefully curated list of 30 has to be cut in half AGAIN. With this shit-show of a government in charge, she’s probably panicking that the rules could all change again before the day - if it happens at all. Yet the best she got from you in any of your posts was ‘I get she’s in a difficult position, but...’ before it all became You, You, You.

When you said your children were old enough to understand they hadn’t ‘made the cut’, I assumed you meant they weren’t tiny children you could gloss over it with. When you said they’re actually 17 and 19 I nearly laughed out loud. One of them doesn’t even live with you for heaven’s sake! If he’s old enough to live away from home, he’s old enough to understand that a global pandemic and ever-changing rules means tough choices.

How come the groom has so few guests?

Only child? The seven friends include people he’s close to too?

Ideasplease322 · 27/09/2020 09:14

Am I he only one (with absolutely no wedding plans) now planning who they would invite?

13 guests, dear god. Your sister is really lucky her other half has so few guests. But using up five places with your family is asking a lot.

I can understand wanting friends there over teenage nephews (who might not be that bothered, and might not really engage in the day?).

TheKeatingFive · 27/09/2020 09:14

I agree you’re being selfish and thinking of your family only

This.

I find it odd that you can’t understand why she’d want some personal friends above all your children.

Sevensilverrings · 27/09/2020 09:18

Children at a wedding change the dynamic if there are too many. It becomes about them. Also, as a parent you must know that your children are not as essential to this as her friends? They are your world, not hers.
With such a small party, I guess they want it to feel as close to the wedding they’d have liked as possible. The ratios would be off if that much of your brood were there. With seven friends they can still have a wedding that feels a bit like a wedding. With due respect if too many family kids are there out of 13 if begins to feel like an older relatives birthday or something....
I think you should take the focus off your family, it’s not about you, it’s about her trying to save what she can of a wedding she no doubt dreamed of. She’s also going to be turning down so many friends and other family. It’s horrible for them, but it shouldn’t be allowed to damage relationships and they need to hear that loud and clear, or what’s left of their wedding really will be ruined....think of it as a gift.

WeAllHaveWings · 27/09/2020 09:19

Your, dd is there only because she was a bridesmaid, your other dc are adults and are old enough to understand and support your dsis.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 27/09/2020 09:20

Am I he only one (with absolutely no wedding plans) now planning who they would invite?

No, I’ve also just mentally planned this! Once I’ve invited my parents and sister, I only have room for my three closest friends, meaning I disappoint half of my closest social group. Even if the groom let me have seven compared to his six, I wouldn’t be better off in that sense. Now I probably would use that place for my niece, but she’s seven. By the time she’s 17 I’m pretty sure she’ll have developed a sense of understanding about tough situations.

EyeSeeWhatYouDidThere · 27/09/2020 09:22

@Ideasplease322 I actually did only have 14 guests at my wedding (by choice though) one of whom I didn't particularly want to be there, so I found that list quite easy Grin

Ginseng1 · 27/09/2020 09:22

Yabvvu. They 17 n 19 ffs I'd do exactly same in her shoes & I am close with my nieces n nephews but they've their own lives. Get over yourself feel for her having a wedding these times it's not her fault

Racoonworld · 27/09/2020 09:22

@Reallybadidea

The 15 are: Bride, groom, my parents, me, daughter, 2 family members of groom, 7 friends of my sister.
Does she realise the 15 has to include the registrar and and photographers etc.? So it isn’t actually 15 guests. You might want to let her know before there are problems on the day.
gurglebelly · 27/09/2020 09:29

We are in the same situation as your sister, and frankly it's shit having so few people there, but she is probably much closer to the invited friends than your husband and sons.

The only reason we are going 'family only' is that we have too many good friends for numbers and couldn't choose between them, but if we had a few less then absolutely I would choose them over some family members

Understand that these are not normal times, and normal etiquette just doesn't apply and get your head out of your arse, it's not all about you

aSofaNearYou · 27/09/2020 09:36

YABU. Would your teenage sons even care about seeing her get married, other than FOMO? If I had to have a guest list of 15, the kids would be second to go after partners I don't know, because generally speaking they're not even that bothered! As opposed to close friends who have probably watched the relationship from the start, and perhaps been there for them through thick and thin? It really is a no brainer.

People need to be less precious about their kids being invited to weddings. I feel like that should go without saying right now with restrictions as they are.

S00LA · 27/09/2020 09:37

Is it only me who feels sorry for the groom who only gets 2 of the 12 guests ? Does the poor man not get a single friend ?

DumDaDumDum · 27/09/2020 09:40

It’s her day, nothing to do with you in the nicest way.

She has massive restrictions on who she can invite. I would pick two of my friends over my siblings in this situation.

Not nice but you really need to understand how she might be feeling too.

gurglebelly · 27/09/2020 09:40

@CraftyGin

The bridge, groom, 2 sets of parents, 2 witnesses and the celebrant means there are 9 people before adding the 6 extra guests.
Celebrant/officiant isn't included, you just choose two guests to be witnesses