DIY dinner: is it selfish?

[TomPinch]

I do all the cooking for my family, and cooked for DW since before the DCs were born. I cook a lot from scratch: everyone likes this and I get a sense of achievement from it. Over the last decade I have produced numberless pies, puddings, roasts, casseroles, cakes, pasties, biscuits, patisserie, flans and loaves of bread from my oven.

I have two DCs: one teenage, one pre-teen. Over the years I have taught them some cooking skills: sometimes they help me with dinner. My older DC can make delicious things but struggles with organisation. My younger DC's cooking is simpler, but healthy. The DCs and I have a weekly washing up roster.

DW does cook occasionally, but, tbh, I cook much better and I like eating nice things. Also she is often too tired in the evenings, so it's simpler for me to do it.

Recently I had the idea of making Friday DIY dinner day. My idea is that each Friday everyone makes their own dinner, chooses what they have (as long as it's reasonably healthy) and does their own dishes and utensils. I put forward the idea and it met with general approval - or so I thought. I did it partly so that the children could cook without the pressure of having to make something everyone liked or cooking (and worrying about ruining) 4 people's dinner.

Also, to be honest, I fancy an evening off, but at the same time getting to eat what I want. I am as tired as a dog most evenings after work and sometimes feel that I cook by auto pilot. Also I really do make everyone lots of nice things, and I feel like treating myself.

DC1 made an enormous home-made pizza. DC2 fried an egg, cooked some pasta and made a simple salad. Both were content. But DW did not understand that by "DIY dinner" I meant that everyone made their own, including her. She has now told the children and me that she considers this arrangement is selfish, and that the children will learn better if they take turns cooking for everyone rather than simply for themselves.

It came to a head when (once I thought the coast was clear) I stole out and got a takeaway curry. She got cross and went to bed early.

I would be grateful for people's views.

YABU = DW is right and DIY dinner is selfish.
YANBU = DW is wrong and DIY dinner is fine.

Sneaky takeaway would annoy me too. Perhaps on Friday she cooks for you and the kids sort themselves out. Seems fairer

@SchadenfreudePersonified

There have been times I've come home from work, and I have been hungry, but too tired to cook and eat - ended up with biscuits or a brown sauce sandwich or summat equally uninspiring just because it took no effort.

However, if someone had said "Curry?" I would have said "Oooh, yes please!"

Brown sauce sandwich you say?

That’s tomorrow’s lunch sorted... 😋

DIY Friday, fine. Using it as a preplanned excuse for a sneaky takeaway, not fine.

You only wanting to eat your own cooking because no one else’s is up to your standard, your choice.

Insisting on healthy options for DC but not yourself, not very ok.

Having separate finances, I don’t get it! Who pays for the dc if you all get a rare family takeaway? Who buys the weekly food? Do you shop for it, pay for it, and cook it as well?

Hope you sort/have sorted it all out. Feuding Friday is fun for no one