Boyfriend thinks I am not ambitious.

[ambioussssssssss]

I am 25. I have been to university studying a degree related to animals. I hope to go on to do a postgraduate degree in something more technical in around two years time. I just want to make sure I know what I want to do.
I find there are not really much jobs about working with animals in my area and if there are, they get tons of applications.

Before university, I had a part-time job as a receptionist.
After struggling to find a job related to animals, I have decided to go back to receptionist work but I have only been able to find work through an agency (I don't know if this is because of coronavirus or if receptionist jobs are usually hard to get?).

The past 2 weeks, I have had quite a bit of work, but today I didn't get a call.
I phoned boyfriend, who has a contracted job which is relatively well-paid and he didn't go to uni, he did an apprenticeship once he left school and has made his way up in his company. I told him that I am feeling anxious about the work situation and I am not loving zero-hour contract/temporary work and I hate the inconsistency of it.
He asked if I was still applying for jobs and I said yes (as I am). I have an interview in 2 weeks, which I feel nervous but excited about. Even if I don't get it, it's nice to get an interview.

However, I was a bit struck back by what he said. He told me he understood how rubbish agency work is and said that I must lack ambition as if I really tried hard enough, I would have a full-time job by now. I debated him with this and said it's easy for him to say in the job he has about how 'easy' it is to find a job if you have the drive.

His reasoning for saying this was that he hasn't been out of work since leaving school because he has the drive and motivation.
I don't understand why he doesn't see the ambition in me?
I left school, I worked part-time. I went to uni. I got a first-class degree. Yes if I could go back in time I would probably choose a different degree in terms of career prospects but being young, I chose what I would enjoy. But I can't think like that as it is done.

I am not on agency work and hoping to do further studies within a couple of years. But I don't want to rush into it and make a mistake.

I feel he's embarrassed by my job. When people ask what I am doing now I have left uni and I say I am doing agency work as I am finding the job market quite tough, I feel he cringes.

I'm feeling really down now. Like my life is going nowhere and that it's my fault.

Bluntness there is more to life than a 'career'.

@bookmum08

Bluntness there is more to life than a 'career'.

I think we all know that. But since you yourself don’t work or pay for anyone I think it’s a bit rich you dictate others do.

I also have an animal degree (not zoology or vet related) I have worked in the industry without a break, in various roles, for the 20 years since i graduated. Please don't denigrate animal degrees.

It's entirely possible to find admin/finance/HR/marketing/sales roles within companies such as animal insurance/wholesalers/feed companies/charities/retailers. You get to be involved with animals in a small way but still doing a job with skills that would be appreciated in other industries.

It's also not necessary to have lots of ambition. My dad is a live to work person and doesn't understand my work to live attitude at all - doesn't make it wrong.

Why do you need to be ambitious?
I'm not ambitious I don't mind saying that.

With ambition comes stress and less work life balance. Yes plus of more money but whats the point of more money if you are too stressed to enjoy it?

God forbid if Bookmum’s hubby ever becomes redundant.

‘Darling, I’ve lost my job so we need to tighten our belts and it would help if you found a job too.’

‘BUT WHAT ABOUT ALL THE ABUSED AND ABANDONED ANIMALS ON THE ROAD?!!!‘

@TOADfan

Why do you need to be ambitious? I'm not ambitious I don't mind saying that.

With ambition comes stress and less work life balance. Yes plus of more money but whats the point of more money if you are too stressed to enjoy it?

Well it puts a roof over your head and food on the table. Because let’s face it, he’s not asked her to be Alan sugar in heels, the ambition here stretches to working full time snd not part time on a zero hours contract.

Actually Bluntness I am a carer for my ASD daughter. I 'work' very hard. This wasn't the path I planned but that's what I have got. However before me and my husband decided to commit to each other we talked about what is important to each other in life and what we would like to have from life.
Did we want children?
Is it important to live in a city or countryside?
Are holidays important? Abroad in an all inclusive or camping in a field?
We talked about religious beliefs, political beliefs etc.
And yes....we talked about work and financial stuff. If you don't talk about these things with your boyfriend when you are 25 no wonder so many are divorced at 40.

I think he needs a bit of a reality check tbh. I’ve been job hunting for around 6 months. Jobs are very difficult to get right now, no matter how ambitious you are. I’ve applied for positions only to find out afterwards that there were more than 1000 applications. I’ve just got a job and I feel so relieved. It’s not my dream job but it is a job. A lot of people don’t have that right now or are facing the idea of redundancy soon.

Well book mum there’s a sudden drip feed after all your posts explaining how you could not work.

Hmmm

Havaiana actually me and my husband had a really long talk the other day about his job because covid has changed it somewhat. It's safe at the moment but we always have a Plan B. That's what you have if you actually TALK to each other.

Why do you need to be ambitious?
I'm not ambitious I don't mind saying that.

Well there is ambitious insofar as wanting a six figure salary and high flying career. That's not for everyone and there is nothing wrong with that as most folk want a bit of a work life balance. In the context of the OPs boyfriends remarks he has set a fairly low bar in terms of suggesting that his girlfriend maybe secures a full time position with some semblance of a regular salary. Hardly reaching for the stars, just pulling your weight in the relationship.

Bluntness we have actually only got the ASD diagnosis this year (she is 12) so that hasn't been the main reason is haven't 'gone back to work'. There have been other reasons.

Ultimately we all die and turn to dust; it doesn't remotely matter how far up this supposed ladder of life you are when you die. Dust, gone, forgotten.

All that matters is that while you are living your life it works for you in the present. Because there won't be a prize at the end of your life for clambering up some ladder that was of no interest to you.

If "climbing a ladder" brings purpose, meaning and/or fulfilment to your life then great. But it doesn't for everyone.

So many judgemental arseholes on this thread trying to get validation for their own lives by kicking someone else.

but we always have a Plan B

Volunteering for the 'Explaining Animal Road Kill to Children Trust'?

Books come on. Are you just winding people up here? So far you have completely changed reasons for why you are not working, flipped and threw in unnecessary drama.

Quite frankly, you are being absolutely ridiculous on this thread.

@bookmum08

Bluntness there is more to life than a 'career'.

You are taking over OPs thread rather than helping her with constructive advice. Why don’t you start your own thread.

user1536853684

All people have suggested is that the OP works full time and maybe be a bit more focused on what she wants from life instead some wooly 'working with x' in some indeterminate future while the boyfriend picks up the tab while she decides. Most people don't have that luxury. She is not being asked to be George Soros.

Oh I give up.
I did give some advice about 9 pages back - basically she needs to TALK to the boyfriend about where they are at in their relationship and where it is going.
Because that's important to figure out whether the relationship is worth going on with.
I think that's more important than figuring out a 'career'. A career is not important to everyone. Infact if I needed to get paid work my dream job would be something like warehouse work on a regular shift pattern. Go to work. Do the work. Go home. Don't have to think about it until the next day. I don't want to reach for the top or climb a ladder. I have no interest in that. Does that mean I have 'no ambition' ?
My suggestion of volunteer work was to gain experience, realise if that's a path you may want to go down as a potential job, realise what skills you have and are good at in that field. That's the only reason I suggested it.

My suggestion of volunteer work was to gain experience, realise if that's a path you may want to go down as a potential job, realise what skills you have and are good at in that field. That's the only reason I suggested it.

And who funds all this?

Everyone seems to be glossing over the fact that the boyfriend said if she really tried enough she would have a full time job by now

Frankly I find this attitude disgusting. The job market is horrendous right now. This poor young woman has just graduated this year and everyone is slagging her off for not having a proper career, literally months after finishing uni? It's a miracle she has any work whatsoever at the moment and the boyfriend thinks she is just being lazy - no thank you, would be binning off this unsupportive little turd

I said this earlier but I'll say it again. If you aren't in full time work or full time study, or a combination of the two by 25, when you have no caring responsibilities, then you are likely to have problems in future in terms of ever working full time and paying your own way in life.

These are your prime years for establishing your future. Part time work doesnt look good on your cv.

You don't have to have a fancy professional career, but being a drifter doesn't pay the bills.

Unless you can hook a man who is happy to pay YOUR bills, you likely face a future of poverty and/or dependance on your parents.

Do correct me if you gave a trust fund or awaiting a massive inheritance.

The OP has just finished university at 25? I dudnt read that part!

How about ambition to be financially self sufficient? That usually requires a full time job. Volunteering is rewarding and can be enjoyable (I've done it) but it doesn't pay the bills. You can talk to your boyfriend but you should also aim to be able to pay your own way in life IMO.

Dillion who fund its? No one has to fund it. The OP has a job (which ok is temp work and part time) and has an interview in 2 weeks. She's doesn't need to give that up if she wants to volunteer too. She can do both.

Christ some of this thread is mental—people acting like working 35 hours a week would require you to sell out your soul and dedicate your life to corporate networking. Not everyone has to want to be CEO, but everyone should want to be able to live with dignity and support yourself when you’re ablebodied and live in a first world country.

It’s so infantilising to act like 25 is still a “diddums’ first work experience”, most people get their shit together a half decade before that.