Boyfriend thinks I am not ambitious.

[ambioussssssssss]

I am 25. I have been to university studying a degree related to animals. I hope to go on to do a postgraduate degree in something more technical in around two years time. I just want to make sure I know what I want to do.
I find there are not really much jobs about working with animals in my area and if there are, they get tons of applications.

Before university, I had a part-time job as a receptionist.
After struggling to find a job related to animals, I have decided to go back to receptionist work but I have only been able to find work through an agency (I don't know if this is because of coronavirus or if receptionist jobs are usually hard to get?).

The past 2 weeks, I have had quite a bit of work, but today I didn't get a call.
I phoned boyfriend, who has a contracted job which is relatively well-paid and he didn't go to uni, he did an apprenticeship once he left school and has made his way up in his company. I told him that I am feeling anxious about the work situation and I am not loving zero-hour contract/temporary work and I hate the inconsistency of it.
He asked if I was still applying for jobs and I said yes (as I am). I have an interview in 2 weeks, which I feel nervous but excited about. Even if I don't get it, it's nice to get an interview.

However, I was a bit struck back by what he said. He told me he understood how rubbish agency work is and said that I must lack ambition as if I really tried hard enough, I would have a full-time job by now. I debated him with this and said it's easy for him to say in the job he has about how 'easy' it is to find a job if you have the drive.

His reasoning for saying this was that he hasn't been out of work since leaving school because he has the drive and motivation.
I don't understand why he doesn't see the ambition in me?
I left school, I worked part-time. I went to uni. I got a first-class degree. Yes if I could go back in time I would probably choose a different degree in terms of career prospects but being young, I chose what I would enjoy. But I can't think like that as it is done.

I am not on agency work and hoping to do further studies within a couple of years. But I don't want to rush into it and make a mistake.

I feel he's embarrassed by my job. When people ask what I am doing now I have left uni and I say I am doing agency work as I am finding the job market quite tough, I feel he cringes.

I'm feeling really down now. Like my life is going nowhere and that it's my fault.

No PGCE will take you without some classroom based experience of some sort, be it regular volunteering or a school based job.

I have just started my PGCE with no school experience.

@valtandsinegar

No PGCE will take you without some classroom based experience of some sort, be it regular volunteering or a school based job.

I have just started my PGCE with no school experience.

Yeah a friend also recently started one, I don’t think she’s been near a classroom since she was at uni.

Also teachfirst is designed to bring in people to the sector, they’re crying out for more trainees?

@IncandescentSilver

The OP has just finished university at 25? I dudnt read that part!

I have seen a few people say that OP left university this year. I went back through all of OPs posts and at no point has she said that. In fact she said she started at university “years ago”.

@ambioussssssssss

KetoPenguin That's it. When I started uni years ago, I was set on working with animals. I enjoyed my time at uni but I would 100% change course if I could go back in time. I am hoping to do a Masters at some point but I don't want to make the same mistake again of rushing. I wasn't expecting the job market to be so tough as I walked into my part-time job easily years ago.

I finished uni this year

@Florencex

Yes, she absolutely does say that.

You're only 25, you should be having fun, doing things like travelling (out of the question at the moment obviously) and just enjoying life! Try a few things out, see where your passion lies and once you comfortably know what you want to do, explore it then.

Your boyfriend on the other hand doesn't sound too supportive. I'd be more likely to ditch him tbh!

I’d see if you get the job you applied for. If not, I’d give myself a set time to explore that passion for animals and re-evaluate your relationship, given the vastly differing values. I’d go off somewhere and volunteer, for example, in a Spanish Greyhound rescue, such as Galgos del Sol for 12 weeks, in exchange for free board and food and just give myself some proper time away to really find out where my passion lies. This can lead to new opportunities, contacts and a renewed commitment to really work in the field you studied in. While, on the one hand, you should perhaps avoid being in some permanent limbo and lacking direction for years to come, at the same time, you are only 25, and a few weeks, even months taken out to really explore your options could be one of the best investment for your future and give you a much needed boost.

@AwaAnBileYerHeid

You're only 25, you should be having fun, doing things like travelling (out of the question at the moment obviously) and just enjoying life! Try a few things out, see where your passion lies and once you comfortably know what you want to do, explore it then.

Your boyfriend on the other hand doesn't sound too supportive. I'd be more likely to ditch him tbh!

Terrible advice. How much more trying out does OP need. She has been dithering for a long term, time to make a decision and stick to it.

@bookmum08

If the plan is for you two to live together as a couple then he should be supporting you - emotionally and financially if that's what is needed.

Why should he? It's not his responsibility to support her financially.

He's not her dad. Why as a fully grown able bodied adult should he financially support his GF?

She would be a financial liability and nobody wants a liability.

It would be an absolute recipe for disaster to set up home with an individual who doesn't have a stable income and no clear direction.

Being the sole earner is a financial burden and very stressful

He's not her dad. Why as a fully grown able bodied adult should he financially support his GF?

'Cause love♥️♥️♥️♥️

What @SandyY2K said. Ten time over though.

If partner left school at 16/18 he has already probably had 7 to 9 years of FT work

@SchrodingersImmigrant

He's not her dad. Why as a fully grown able bodied adult should he financially support his GF?

'Cause love♥️♥️♥️♥️

Love doesn't pay the bills though does it. Nothing is more likely to put a huge strain on a relationship than a freeloading partner, who really has no solid path.

If it was a man that would be seen as a cocklodging situation.

@SandyY2K
i know🙈 I am with you on that

SandyY2K I hope you never become ill. Or have an injury that makes you have disabilities. Or have a mental breakdown. Or lose your job through no fault of your own. Or have to become a carer for another family member.
Because apparently you should carry on supporting yourself financially and your boyfriend/partner/husband should go "not my problem" and leave you to suffer.
Wow. I would hate to be in a relationship like that. How horrible.

I’ve got a son who is 25 PMSL that he’d support someone who wouldn’t work.

@bookmum08 and that is precisely why OP should get a full time job and have financial goals like saving for rainy day. Because you just never know what might happen and could leave you unable to work or work reduced hours.

Her bf is more clued up and dling the right thing, earning what he can workinf full time, saving for a house. He'll be mortgage free quicker and any health issues or something else that knocks you down down will be more manageable.

@bookmum08

SandyY2K I hope you never become ill. Or have an injury that makes you have disabilities. Or have a mental breakdown. Or lose your job through no fault of your own. Or have to become a carer for another family member. Because apparently you should carry on supporting yourself financially and your boyfriend/partner/husband should go "not my problem" and leave you to suffer. Wow. I would hate to be in a relationship like that. How horrible.

THIS IS NOT THE SAME AS "I DON'T KNOW WHAT I FANCY DOING"

Stop. Being. So. Over. Dramatic. With. Unrelated. Issues.

God

100% OP should work while she can, so she’s safe when/if she can’t in the future. Otherwise you’re advocating for her to end up essentially homeless/on the breadline if her relationship breaks down, which looks likely as he’s annoyed at her not pulling her weight.

This situation is not in any way comparable to a committed older couple (married/children/long term living together) where one of them falls ill, or where issues with children are involved.

Cyclingmad that is very true. Also it's why she needs to talk to the boyfriend properly and establish if this is a casual boyfriend/girlfriend just a bit of fun relationship or whether this is going to be a long term permanent and commited relationship (ie marriage). I believed that was the the first piece of advice I gave about 10 pages back.

@bookmum08

Cyclingmad that is very true. Also it's why she needs to talk to the boyfriend properly and establish if this is a casual boyfriend/girlfriend just a bit of fun relationship or whether this is going to be a long term permanent and commited relationship (ie marriage). I believed that was the the first piece of advice I gave about 10 pages back.

But why? What difference does it make?

If it’s a low-commitment thing, she shouldn’t expect him to fund her life.

If it’s a long-term, high-commitment thing, she shouldn’t expect him to find her life.

A couple who make the decision to have one working from home due to childcare/a special needs child is one thing, but a 25 year old deciding to not work in a permanent, full time job and have a boyfriend bankroll her is a very different thing.
(And one, which to be fair, the OP hasn’t actually said she wants to do, but your advice seems to amount to this).

It sounds to me like he wants this to be long term, but her lack of direction and ability to live an adult life is making this impossible. If he didn’t care about this, it would suggest he’s only in it to the short term.

I guess none of you have ever felt so overwhelmed and helpless and alone and unsure of what you want to do with life or how to get there and achieve it.
You are all clearly so perfect and had your lives and careers planned out from the age of ten. Well done. All of you. Big round of applause. Whoo hoo to you all.

Please do spend a year as a ta (I would try to get a ta job rather than agency) to see if it is for you. So many teachers drop out during the pgce or nqt year because they realise it's not what they had anticipated. Save yourself the time and money (for all those saying you can train on the job, paid training routes are like gold dust and go to people who have already been working in the school who agree to take on the trainee). You can work another job alongside being a ta if you want to build up more of a nest egg.

For the record I'm not sure I would recommend teaching as a career at the moment. Not greatly paid for a graduate career, not respected and it is hard. Yes, there are positives but you still need to love it to manage it.

But the relationship is the last of OP’s problems, and statistically probably work work out long term anyway. The issue is she’s directionless, part time temping and putting off getting to a stable place.

And I NEVER said FUND. I said SUPPORT.
Which are two completely different things.