Kittens - AIBU to take them back?

[Lotsofsocks]

This may be long! We have a rescue cat who is three years old. We decided to get two kittens from a rescue and have been to pick them up today - now I'm not sure we've done the right thing!

When I was asking the rescue about cats/kittens to adopt I made it clear we had five children (and we'd rescued from them before so they had all our details) and another cat. Every cat/kitten I was interested in I asked would they be good with another cat, how would they be with children?

I was told the two I was interested in were a little shy but would be fine and that they were chipped and neutered. We've been to pick them up today and it was then confirmed that they weren't chipped and neutered as they are only 10 weeks old and the woman at the rescue couldn't confirm where they had come from! I was also told they are a little shy and will hiss a bit but keep picking them up and they will be fine. That's an understatement!

We got home and took them into one room and let them out of the carrier. They both fled into the corners of the room and won't let us anywhere near them. When we tried to get them back into the carrier one bit my husband and wouldn't let go. They were both hissing and howling. I don't know what to do for the best. The kids have come home and are all crying as they can't touch them. We'd had a rescue kitten but he'd been looked after in someone's house so was much more socialised and would be picked up and stroked (as were the two previous cats I had as kittens) and our rescue cat was the same. When we got our current cat you were allowed in with the cats so could see their temperament, whether they would be picked up etc but with COVID you can't do that and have to go on what the rescue say. When we were leaving the lady at the shelter did say if you can't handle them you can bring them back which is making me think they weren't handled a lot there and aren't actually really ready to go to a home.

Do you think it's fairer if we take them back so they can go to a home that's quieter and may be better for them? I don't know what to do for the best. I've also got to introduce them to our other cat at some point but am really fearing how this will go.

Your expectations are way off. They are very young kittens and almost any cat is going to be stressed when they have literally just landed in a new home. It can take weeks or longer for them to settle and you have to allow them to take it slowly. I'd be hissing too with 5 kids trying to grab me. Your kids should have been prepped to leave them alone and let them go at their own pace.

You have to give them more than a few hours to settle. You need a few days at least, and possibly even a week or two. It’s not realistic to expect your young children to be able to handle rescue kittens immediately, they’ve been in a cattery and aren’t used to being handled constantly.

TBH I might take them back purely because you clearly haven’t thought this through, and getting two kittens with five kids and another cat really isn’t a very good idea.

Just chill...they are terrified babies you need to give them a few weeks to adapt to their environment.

If the kittens really aren't a good fit for your home then yes you should return them to the rescue, but maybe give the poor things a chance first?! It hasn't even been a day and you're annoyed at them for being scared of five kids and another cat in a completely unfamiliar setting?

Make sure they have food and water, and are safe and comfy where they are, and then just leave them alone for a bit. They are probably terrified and need some peace so they can start to settle in.

The kittens are frightened and overwhelmed. Surely you have enough with five children and another cat. It sounds like too much for one household.

If the five kids are crying because they can’t touch brand new kittens, I’d say you need to have a word with them. They should understand that they aren’t toys to cuddle and play with and need space to live comfortably. Five kids expecting to immediately touch them would be overwhelming.

If you are going to return them I think it’s best to do it straight away. They are still babies and have a good chance of finding a new home.

I wouldn't normally advocate returning an animal but in your situation I would. You aren't prepared for them and 5 kids and another cat is a lot for any kitten to handle.

Your kids are all crying because they can't touch the kittens? Really?

They are not toys for children to pick up and play with at whim.

They need time to settle, they've been in your home less than a day.

If they said they’d be neutered and chipped and they aren’t I wouldn’t have taken them tbh.

Even the most confident of cats needs time to get used to somewhere new and to new people. Kittens that young need time and patience and lots and lots of socialising. Introductions to another cat also need to be slow and steady. You'll need to keep the kittens in one room and let your cat smell through the door and gradually increasing contact over several days.

Our kittens hid for days when we got them! Now very happy young adult cats.

I wouldn't expect ten week old kittens to be neutered. That's too young. The rescue sounds very poorly run which is of no use to anyone.

Please take them back. I agree with the first poster. Your expectations are WAY off. You wouldn't let them settle properly AND you couldn't have thought that having 5 kids trying to cuddle them basically straight away will not be extremely stressful for them.

When we got rescue kittens, one was fine and cuddled right away but we still let it up to him if he wanted or not, next one wend under sofa for 9 hours...

Also, are they vaccinated?

I wouldn't say this is normal. Being shy and hiding yes but not hissing and biting. Sounds like they are feral and 10 weeks is a bit late to be taking them if that is the case. Possibly give it a day or 2 but they don't sound like they are going to be suitable pets for families with children.

My cat hid for almost a week when I got her as a 14 week old kitten, its standard behaviour for a scared infant animal. Surely the children know they can’t touch the kittens unless they are sat nicely and the kittens approach them, so should be fully prepared to not touch the kittens for quite a while.

Ten weeks is old enough for most kittens to be neutered though, once they’re 800-1000g they can be neutered.

Kittens can take a long time to settle so I think you’re expecting much too much, too soon.

That said, this doesn’t sound like an ideal environment for them anyway - your older cat will likely struggle with getting used to two new kittens in his territory, and with five kids it must be quite a busy environment. Those factors may mean your kittens never fully settle. So it might not be the worst thing to return them - but do so quickly, as the younger they are the more adoptable they are.

Unneutered at ten weeks isn’t unusual, and many vets still aren’t neutering because of COVID. When i adopted mine a long time ago they were also tiny and hadn’t been neutered, but I took them back when they were around four months old to be spayed.

But tbh I don’t think that the OP is the best person to have these kittens anyway. The kids need to be told in no uncertain terms that the kittens aren’t toys and crying over it won’t be tolerated, and the OP needs to adjust her expectations and allow a couple of weeks for the kittens to settle properly.

On the first day I adopted mine they came out of their carrier and managed somehow to hide behind the kitchen cupboard. . We just accepted that they were just scared, and they came out in time....

I agree that your expectations are very unrealistic, and I'm sorry the rescue didn't prepare you. They should have said to give the kittens their own space, and leave them to claim a room for a couple of days - definitely no children just yet!

It sounds like they've just been removed from their mum, in which case they'll be terrified and defensive. The last thing you want is for that to turn into aggression. Best option is to let them claim the space, and then gently introduce them to members of the family, one or two at a time, with just quiet company. Let the kittens come to you, not the other way around.

The reason why most rescues prefer not to match kittens with under-5s is not because of the children - but because of the kittens. They haven't yet learned how to interact with humans, or even that biting or scratching causes pain. It's why a heck of a lot of kittens rehomed with young families get returned.

If this doesn't sound like a challenge you can tackle right now, that's ok - it happens. It's best to take them back to the charity as soon as you can so that they don't bond to you first. This is another reason why older cats are great as they're generally way more chilled out :)

I've think you've taken on more than you have time for. The kittens sound like they need a lot of gentle interaction to settle and learn to socialise. I can't see how you have time to do that with 5 kids and another cat without being stretched too far and someone or something feeling pushed out of place.

I really don't think you should've rehomed these kittens, your expectations are ridiculous

When we got our boy it took him days to come out of hiding, rehoming animals involves patience and perseverance.

Those poor kittens expecting to be manhandled by 5 kids too!

Taming not taking

I’d be returning the 5 wailing kids myself😂
Sounds like you have very odd expectations, the cats are not to please your kids, they are babies and need time to settle in.

I'd give them back if I were you as you don't seem to understand the required stages of introducing new cats to existing family cats and children. And your expectations are way off - when we moved house with our existing cat who already knows us, she didn't leave one corner for 3 days, never mind a tiny kitten with unfamiliar people in an unfamiliar place! They're probably terrified and stressed at being surrounded by children and another cats' smell.

But if you don't give them back - they need days, possibly weeks to adjust. Keep them away from your kids and other cat for quite a while (and adjust your children's behaviour and expectations a lot - they shouldn't have been expecting to be able to go and stroke them so I don't know what they were crying about!). Introduce smells of household cat to the kittens gradually, working up to them sniffing each other under a door, then eating either side of the door, etc - a slow, calm, controlled introduction is key to harmonious cat relationships. It took 2 weeks before our new kitten saw our older cats without a barrier between them.

Kids should be instructed how to recognise when the cats don't want to be touched, not to pull tails or drop suddenly and not to encourage biting/scratching as play. Not expecting them to be cute playthings as soon as you walk through the door with them.

You are being unreasonable for adopting kittens you are clearly too incompetent to look after. They are 10 weeks old, clearly far too young for the person selling them to be aware of their temperament - which also won’t have developed yet. We adopted our cat at 10 weeks and it took a good while for them to feel safe and secure with us. Your kittens have been ripped away from their mother at 10 weeks old and you expect them just to slot into your family life? Fuck me you are one clueless individual who doesn’t deserve those kittens.