Kittens - AIBU to take them back?

[Lotsofsocks]

This may be long! We have a rescue cat who is three years old. We decided to get two kittens from a rescue and have been to pick them up today - now I'm not sure we've done the right thing!

When I was asking the rescue about cats/kittens to adopt I made it clear we had five children (and we'd rescued from them before so they had all our details) and another cat. Every cat/kitten I was interested in I asked would they be good with another cat, how would they be with children?

I was told the two I was interested in were a little shy but would be fine and that they were chipped and neutered. We've been to pick them up today and it was then confirmed that they weren't chipped and neutered as they are only 10 weeks old and the woman at the rescue couldn't confirm where they had come from! I was also told they are a little shy and will hiss a bit but keep picking them up and they will be fine. That's an understatement!

We got home and took them into one room and let them out of the carrier. They both fled into the corners of the room and won't let us anywhere near them. When we tried to get them back into the carrier one bit my husband and wouldn't let go. They were both hissing and howling. I don't know what to do for the best. The kids have come home and are all crying as they can't touch them. We'd had a rescue kitten but he'd been looked after in someone's house so was much more socialised and would be picked up and stroked (as were the two previous cats I had as kittens) and our rescue cat was the same. When we got our current cat you were allowed in with the cats so could see their temperament, whether they would be picked up etc but with COVID you can't do that and have to go on what the rescue say. When we were leaving the lady at the shelter did say if you can't handle them you can bring them back which is making me think they weren't handled a lot there and aren't actually really ready to go to a home.

Do you think it's fairer if we take them back so they can go to a home that's quieter and may be better for them? I don't know what to do for the best. I've also got to introduce them to our other cat at some point but am really fearing how this will go.

I've had feral kittens and non feral and yours sound like feral kittens to me. All the non ferals I've had have been as soft as butter, the ferals generally exploded out of the cat carrier and vanished.
The place you got them from should have been MUCH more specific knowing you had kids and I'd have been fuming that fera or semi feral kittens had been exposed to such a large family they must have been terrified.
Semi ferals need a very quiet relaxed environment in order to be tamed.
I'd take them back and give them a piece of your mind tbh.

I think you’re expecting too much too soon and I think you may just have been very lucky in the past . If you genuinely think though that you’ve made a mistake then it’s kindest to return them for rehoming

They basically lied to you about chipping, neutering and temprement and that is totally unacceptable.

Take them back. My neighbour who was very experienced at caring for cats got two kittens who hissed and bit. She thought that they would be fine, given time. They never did and couldn't be rehired so the had to be pts. It turned out that they were feral, born in a barn.

@Labracadabra

Oh OP you sound sad and worried and you're getting a lot of grief here. I'm a vet and these are my thoughts. It's been shown that kittens have a VERY short socialisation window, and kittens which haven't had much human interaction by 7 weeks of age are very unlikely to make highly sociable cats. From the behaviour of these kittens it sounds like they may be feral, perhaps found outside/in a barn etc and haven't been well socialised with humans. This doesn't mean they won't settle into being pets, but they're unlikely to be super cuddly friendly types, more the shy type who dash outside or under the bed when people visit. If you're ok with that, keep going. They will probably not be overtly aggressive (usually it's hand reared kittens who are the worst for that!) but may not ever be amenable to be cuddled/picked up etc. If that's not what you're after (and remember these guys could be around for 15 plus years), return them to the rescue centre sooner rather than later. Bringing cats into a house where a cat already lives is stressful for ALL the cats. All cats (including your existing cat) need safe places to hide away (many like to go up high, so top of wardrobes etc) and stay out of each other's way. As you have 3 cats now you'll need 4 litter trays and feeding stations so nobody has to share or queue (cats don't queue - they hate that).

Thank you, I am worried. I never expect cats to be picked up and be playthings. Out older cat will come and have a head rub and then she's done and the kids know this. She goes to who she wants and the kids don't even try to pick her up. I knew I'd have to socialise them and made lots of enquiries with the shelter beforehand, they knew we had another cat and kids. I think I'm just annoyed at myself that I didn't question them more.

Give them a chance. Our little last year took a few days to come out from behind the sofa!

When I got my cat (which someone was giving away on gumtree), I didn't see her for a week.

I knew she was eating and using the litter tray and that was enough to know she was ok.

After a week or so she'd come out of hiding but run away if she was approached.

Then one day she just jumped on my knee and sat there. She never shuts up now.

10 years later she still isn't a fan of strangers but she will come out and see my family when they visit including children.

Seems you're getting a lot of flak over this one - I am in the middle although I agree that young kittens do need time to settle and some have different personalities and can be a very shy kitty, this will eventually stop, but with five kids in the mix that might be a long drawn out process

on the other hand if the kittens are very feral and have not been socialised with humans at a young age then they are unlikely to ever be good pets. kittens need to be mixing with humans before the age of eight weeks if they are going to make nice family pets. does sound like in this case that may not of happened as you don't know the history of the rescue - I would give it a little bit longer, maybe a week or two and then reassess.

regarding your husbands bite make sure it doesn't get infected cat mouths are very dirty.

I think you need to give it much longer than a day.

It's normal for kittens to be scared. Any cat needs around a week to get used to their new surroundings. To expect kittens to be happy to be handled, by children no less, on day one, is unreasonable. The rescue center should have told you this but I also think that since you did do the right thing and went to a rescue place rather than a breeder, you could carry on down the 'right path' and give these kittens a few days to get used to their new home. It will get better.

@Jengnr

If they said they’d be neutered and chipped and they aren’t I wouldn’t have taken them tbh.

dropped in to say this also

Kittens and cats can take weeks to get used to their environment. They need to be in a separate room and dealt with very gently. Your DC shouldn't expect to cuddle or play with them for a while. Also cats have their own personalities. With our two the boy has never liked fuss or sitting on laps which is fine. It's just the way he is. Our girl likes fuss and does not like eating with us which again is fine. It's just the way she is

”I think I'm just annoyed at myself that I didn't question them more.”

I don’t think you can blame yourself for this. They didn’t tell you the truth about the cats on a number of details. There’s no reason to think your questioning further would have been fruitful.

YANBU to take them back. You can keep them and try and deal with this very different situation and you may or may not be successful. It isn’t what you signed up for at all, though, so you shouldn’t feel any moral obligation.

Biting, hissing and yowling is not normal behaviour for 10 week old kittens. Frightened kittens tend to hide, not fight. It sounds like they've got into the habit of fending for themselves, which may not gel with family life. And the woman from the centre being vague about their background is not good either. I volunteered with a cat charity for five years, and these kittens sound at least semi feral. Are you sure there hasn't been a mix up somewhere?

You have an older cat and three dc's to think about. If the kittens stress response is to attack, this may not go well. Kittens aren't programmable toys, it isn't a case of "give them a week and their reset function kicks in". I would not place kits who act that way with children, and not with another cat who could get stressed out.

Take them back. It's not a good fit. There's no point you all staying miserable to meet some arbitrary time limit.

Personally, if they are that unsocialized I'm not sure I'd keep them and I've rescued quite a few kittens as volunteered as a cat foster. Despite being wild some cats are just naturally friendlier than others.

If you keep them, the best tip I've ever received for taming kittens is to wear leather / ski gloves, that way if they go to bite / scratch you don't react (pull away) and so they stop doing it and then gradually realize they do like cuddles and strokes. Best of luck :)

You sound like you've never even met an animal before, let alone owned one.

You asked if the kittens would be good with another cat... how on earth is anyone going to know that? "Do these kittens like children..." I mean, honestly.

The kittens will indeed need care and socialising. Tell your brats that they are not toys, and that it may be that the kittens never frankly want to be touched. It's supposed to be about what is best for the cats, not your bloody kids.

Do not introduce them too soon. I am sure you have ample literature on how to socialise the new kittens and introduce them slowly, or perhaps you're already on the way back to the shelter to demand better entertainment for your family.

Biting, hissing and yowling is not normal behaviour for 10 week old kittens. Frightened kittens tend to hide, not fight

If they're backed into a corner by a fully grown man, what choice do they have in the matter? Kittens can only hide if there's somewhere for them to hide! I'm not arguing that it's ideal behaviour, but it is totally understandable given the circumstances.

If I was carried in a strange car to a strange house, and a strange person 20x my size loomed over me and tried to grab me, I would bite and scream too. They've not even been in the house 24h yet - give them a chance!

Oh my god come on. Our cat is the friendliest most sociable cat ever and it took him a day to come out from the cat tree where he immediately fled when we brought him home. It's totally normal, they are babies who have been taken away from their mum and what they know. They don't need to be handled by kids right now!

After a day where we left our kitten quietly on his own we were worried he hadn't eaten yet... At that point we played some cat meowing noises which caused him to come out and investigate and from that point onward he would eat and suddenly seemed to trust us So you could try this. But be careful not to overwhelm them.

Granted it's been a long, long time since I was in contact with a properly socialised kitten so don't know how much difference there'd be, but these two sound exactly like my feral baby when he arrived from the shelter many years ago. It took weeks of TLC until we first managed to stroke him, more until he purred, and now 11 years later he'll happily sleep on my face or let me carry him in my arms like a baby but strictly only ever on his terms. He's still very nervous around strange people and sudden movements or noises. He is quite curious on the rate occasion he's met small kids though, I'm not sure he knows what to make of them

If these kittens are feral OP then sadly I don't think your busy house is the right place for them. As I say it's been a long time, but surely a well socialised kitten shouldn't be quite this frightened of well meaning humans?

@TempestHayes

You sound like you've never even met an animal before, let alone owned one.

You asked if the kittens would be good with another cat... how on earth is anyone going to know that? "Do these kittens like children..." I mean, honestly.

The kittens will indeed need care and socialising. Tell your brats that they are not toys, and that it may be that the kittens never frankly want to be touched. It's supposed to be about what is best for the cats, not your bloody kids.

Do not introduce them too soon. I am sure you have ample literature on how to socialise the new kittens and introduce them slowly, or perhaps you're already on the way back to the shelter to demand better entertainment for your family.

You sound like you have no idea how good animal shelters work.

Our local shelter knows if cats are likely to be good with other cats because they introduce them and watch how they behave. They know if they are likely to be good with children because they take notes on how they respond to different kinds of play with volunteers.

There’s a huge amount a shelter can do to increase the chances of a good placement and so better outcomes for the animals they rescue. It isn’t pot luck, sink or swim.

poor things :(

they are tiny babies and scared stiff - of course you can't expect them to be cuddly and friendly

I got two beautiful semi feral kittens 7 years ago - took them a week to come out in the room when I was there, a month to leave the room, 6 weeks to venture down stairs - couldn't pick them up initially without being shredded in terror - 6 years on I lost one to cancer - the sweetest calmest cuddly boy in the world - his brother is also adorable and friendly - they need TIME and patience - if you can;t give them that give them back.

I recently adopted a 6month old boy who had been straying - again he was WILD the first week and could not be picked up without him biting - he now sleeps on my pillow and loves a cuddle - we've had him 6 weeks - you need to commit to an animal - please think about this and manage your expectations.

It's not just the biting. It's the fact that they aren't chipped or neutered, and that the woman letting them go clearly had some doubts. I never told a new owner "if you have problems, just bring them back" because we were as confident as we could be that it was a good match.

It sounds like they need a lot of one on one socialization time, away from children and other animals. I would start with going into the room quietly, and reading a book. Ignoring the cats, wearing thick clothing to ignore any scratching or biting, and building up the time until they understand you're not a threat. It comes down to whether you have the time. And it's not always guaranteed to work, though you have more of a chance with kittens.

Tell your brats that they are not toys, and that it may be that the kittens never frankly want to be touched. It's supposed to be about what is best for the cats, not your bloody kids.

Don't hold back... Go the whole hysterical hog and tell her to put her "brats" into care so she can devote her life to these two kittens she's had for 24 hours...

Adopting an animal is meant to be a mutually beneficial experience and this woman has had cats before, which some of you are ignoring. If she feels it's not right, it's probably not right. And it's certainly not right to place two cats who "may never want to be touched" in a household with three children who will naturally want to pet their animals.

”you need to commit to an animal - please think about this and manage your expectations.”

The OP did think about this which is why she specifically talked about the sort of environment the cats would be coming into and asked for ones that would be suitable. The shelter is the place that needs to think more and change their expectations. The OP and the cats have been let down by the shelter.

@Labracadabra Thank you for your pearls of wisdom. I have a cat who is now 2 and I got her at 8 weeks. What you've said about not being socialised is what I fear happened to mine. Even now she's not a people fan (except me) and is nothing like any cat I've ever had before. DS and I have accepted that's just the way she is (even though she can't stand him). In always wondered why she was growly and hissy when people approach her and this may explain it.

OP, if your two are anything like mine I would take them back. Mine would never settle in a house as busy as yours