Kittens - AIBU to take them back?

[Lotsofsocks]

This may be long! We have a rescue cat who is three years old. We decided to get two kittens from a rescue and have been to pick them up today - now I'm not sure we've done the right thing!

When I was asking the rescue about cats/kittens to adopt I made it clear we had five children (and we'd rescued from them before so they had all our details) and another cat. Every cat/kitten I was interested in I asked would they be good with another cat, how would they be with children?

I was told the two I was interested in were a little shy but would be fine and that they were chipped and neutered. We've been to pick them up today and it was then confirmed that they weren't chipped and neutered as they are only 10 weeks old and the woman at the rescue couldn't confirm where they had come from! I was also told they are a little shy and will hiss a bit but keep picking them up and they will be fine. That's an understatement!

We got home and took them into one room and let them out of the carrier. They both fled into the corners of the room and won't let us anywhere near them. When we tried to get them back into the carrier one bit my husband and wouldn't let go. They were both hissing and howling. I don't know what to do for the best. The kids have come home and are all crying as they can't touch them. We'd had a rescue kitten but he'd been looked after in someone's house so was much more socialised and would be picked up and stroked (as were the two previous cats I had as kittens) and our rescue cat was the same. When we got our current cat you were allowed in with the cats so could see their temperament, whether they would be picked up etc but with COVID you can't do that and have to go on what the rescue say. When we were leaving the lady at the shelter did say if you can't handle them you can bring them back which is making me think they weren't handled a lot there and aren't actually really ready to go to a home.

Do you think it's fairer if we take them back so they can go to a home that's quieter and may be better for them? I don't know what to do for the best. I've also got to introduce them to our other cat at some point but am really fearing how this will go.

Yes you should take them back. You and your children are clearly too immature to look after frightened kittens

Ten weeks is old enough for most kittens to be neutered though, once they’re 800-1000g they can be neutered.

Around four months is generally recommended. I personally wouldn't be comfortable with having it done that early and my vet won't do it any earlier.

@ Flump9 if I was being chased around by five kids and an adult wanting to catch me I would probably hiss and bite as well...

It’s a defence mechanism. They’re scared, and the people they’re scared of won’t leave them alone and want them to be playthings which they’re not ready for yet.

This is helpful on how to help kittens settle. Definitely don’t try to grab them. They haven’t been given a fair chance so far.

icatcare.org/advice/helping-your-new-cat-or-kitten-settle-in/

Were you really expecting to bring two baby cats home and let your 5 kids play with them.

Seriously?

When we got a new car, they had their own room with food and water, for the first few days. At first with the door shut, and then a stairgate between them and the second cat, and introduced them gradually.

Your expectations are way off, which makes me think they are probably better off with someone who will prioritise their needs more. And also who won't give up on them within a couple of hours.

One of them BIT a member of your family and wouldn’t let go?

Bloody right they need to be taken back, you have children!

Your expectations are HUGELY unrealistic. You've had them a matter of hours. It can take weeks for rescue animals to truly settle in - which these are. They might be kittens but they're from an unknown background. They've been raised in a rescue, brought to your house, dumped in a room and exposed to seven people in a matter of hours - no wonder they're absolutely petrified!

I think you should return them, because you're clearly totally unprepared for raising kittens and clearly have no bloody clue how to go about settling them into your home. Poor things.

I don't think your home and family is the right environment for them and the rescue doesn't sound very good either quite frankly.

My first cat hid behind the piano for a week when we got her as a kitten.

I was desperate to love her but had to be patient.

@NailsNeedDoing

One of them BIT a member of your family and wouldn’t let go?

Bloody right they need to be taken back, you have children!

Of course it bit him! It was dumped in a strange home and then a strange man grabbed at it and kept pestering it. I imagine if you were that small and something about 50 times your size grabbed at you, you'd bite it too!

OP and her DH clearly have no idea about raising kittens if that's how they're being treated (after just a few hours).

WTF! Give them some time.

@NailsNeedDoing

One of them BIT a member of your family and wouldn’t let go?

Bloody right they need to be taken back, you have children!

It's not the cats' fault if they were inappropriately handled by people with no idea what they're doing.

Of course they're scared! They've not even been with you for 12 hours & there's another cats scent in the house. Our younger cat came to us at around 10 weeks, I told my dc (I have 5 too) that she probably wouldn't want cuddles or fusses for a little while but they could show her they were friendly by helping with her food & making sure the water bowl was full & by giving our older cat lots of attention still. I also told them that they'd need to be as quiet as possible. We hardly saw her in the daytime for the first week (she'd come & sit with me & Dh at night) until meals times, she soon learnt the dc meant food. After 3 or 4 days she'd let them give her a quick stroke before she started eating. In the 2nd week she'd come out for cuddles with them. You have to give them time.

Agree with everyone else but also, how can anyone tell you whether kittens are going to be good with kids? They’re babies themselves and won’t have encountered kids before. You can’t custom order animals.

One of them BIT a member of your family and wouldn’t let go?

Bloody right they need to be taken back, you have children!

Oh do get a grip. Someone tried to grab the cat hence why it bit. As for the children, if five children descend on two frightened kittens and try to grab them and one of them is bitten, then frankly it’s no more than they deserve.

Poor animals.

OP take them back- your home sounds no place for two frightened kittens.

Please return them ... I feel rather sorry they've landed with you and your completely unreasonable expectations. 5 children crying because they can't 'play' with the kittens who are literally babies trying to find their feet in new surroundings ... wow ... so unfair to the kittens.

Those excuses wouldn’t work with any other animal!

What is it with cat lovers who think cats can do no wrong, until they do and then it’s just an amusing anecdote. You don’t have animals that bite roaming around a house full of children, it’s irrelevant whether or not the bite was justified.

This is ringing loud alarm bells for me. My guess is that they are feral, and they should have never been rehomed into an ordinary family domestic environment.

I'm speaking from bitter experience - they need to go back. And cat bites are serious, your DH needs antibiotics asap or he could end up in hospital like I did.

To be fair I do think that the rescue has also let down the OP and kittens. They shouldn't be giving her false information and they should have given her advice on how to help them settle, though OP should really have researched that too but still it does seem like a poorly run rescue.

Poor kittens, shame they didn't get adopted by someone with a clue about their needs. :(

I bet these are ferals.......and no. They shouldn't have been rehomed without being fostered by someone who knows what they're doing.

I got my cat from a friend of a friend when she was 3, no other cats in the house and I live alone.

Even then I knew to set up her lone room with the door open and to not approach her or try to pick her up. It took a few days before she approached me and I did the 'stick my hand out and not look at her' until she got used to me.

@NailsNeedDoing

Those excuses wouldn’t work with any other animal!

What is it with cat lovers who think cats can do no wrong, until they do and then it’s just an amusing anecdote. You don’t have animals that bite roaming around a house full of children, it’s irrelevant whether or not the bite was justified.

Baby animals bite - it's totally normal and doesn't remotely mean they're aggressive or need rehoming.

Puppies mouth. Kittens will scratch and bite you. It's part of owning and raising a young animal. If you can't handle all the difficulties that come with raising a young animal, get an adult rescue instead.

I think YABU, but the fact that you've gone from "these kittens are scared" to "let's get rid of them" makes me think, yeah you should take them back.