Kittens - AIBU to take them back?

[Lotsofsocks]

This may be long! We have a rescue cat who is three years old. We decided to get two kittens from a rescue and have been to pick them up today - now I'm not sure we've done the right thing!

When I was asking the rescue about cats/kittens to adopt I made it clear we had five children (and we'd rescued from them before so they had all our details) and another cat. Every cat/kitten I was interested in I asked would they be good with another cat, how would they be with children?

I was told the two I was interested in were a little shy but would be fine and that they were chipped and neutered. We've been to pick them up today and it was then confirmed that they weren't chipped and neutered as they are only 10 weeks old and the woman at the rescue couldn't confirm where they had come from! I was also told they are a little shy and will hiss a bit but keep picking them up and they will be fine. That's an understatement!

We got home and took them into one room and let them out of the carrier. They both fled into the corners of the room and won't let us anywhere near them. When we tried to get them back into the carrier one bit my husband and wouldn't let go. They were both hissing and howling. I don't know what to do for the best. The kids have come home and are all crying as they can't touch them. We'd had a rescue kitten but he'd been looked after in someone's house so was much more socialised and would be picked up and stroked (as were the two previous cats I had as kittens) and our rescue cat was the same. When we got our current cat you were allowed in with the cats so could see their temperament, whether they would be picked up etc but with COVID you can't do that and have to go on what the rescue say. When we were leaving the lady at the shelter did say if you can't handle them you can bring them back which is making me think they weren't handled a lot there and aren't actually really ready to go to a home.

Do you think it's fairer if we take them back so they can go to a home that's quieter and may be better for them? I don't know what to do for the best. I've also got to introduce them to our other cat at some point but am really fearing how this will go.

It’s been quite a while since I dealt with a kitten, but this just doesn’t sound right to me either, like @Flump9. The rescue couldn’t tell you where they were from, and I agree it’s possible they might be part feral. I definitely remember kittens hiding and being shy but hissing at humans, and biting and not letting go? No. At the very, VERY most, I might expect hissing in fear at another adult cat, but even then, unlikely.

It all seems really slap dash. No neutering or microchips (this could also point to them being part feral - if they don’t know exactly how old the kittens are, never saw them with a mother, then they may have been waiting longer and erring on the side of caution to make sure they were old enough for these procedures).

I think you should expect them to be shy, yes. If your children are crying over not being able to cuddle them, then like many PPs mentioned, maybe it’s time to have many more talks in your house about what getting kittens means before you get one and you need to wait until COVID is over and do slow introductions before a kitten moves in permanently, of the children to the kitten, of the kitten to your other cat, etc.

@Butterer

Oh, I didn't realise that there were two threads on this. You've not mentioned on this one that you're crating them for a bit later, have you OP?

And I'd already said I was just doing it while I moved stuff out of the room

I've had cats my whole life. I've introduced two kittens from different litters to each other, I've introduced a kitten (who had been socialised) to an older car and I've had a rescue cat on her own, its just they seem really scared and almost feral. I got them from the shelter we got our other cat from. I think I'm just feeling really shit because they are really scared and I hate seeing animals like that.

They're bound to be scared. They're babies and have been taken away from everything they know, put in a strange house and then a strange man tried to grab at them and shove them back in the carrier they traveled (while terrified) in - of course they cried and bit and lashed out.

It can take weeks to settle a cat, if not months. Our latest kitten settled in pretty much right away. Our male rescue took MONTHS to settle in and even now, almost three years later, he has his moments and will lash out and swipe if you get too close. It really is dependent on their personality, their background and how they react to their new environments.

I imagine most cats would be terrified if a huge, strange human loomed over them and grabbed them, let alone a tiny kitten in a new environment.

I haven’t read the whole thread but this is so irresponsible of the rescue centre and the reason I don’t trust them in general. There is no way I would agree to take on a pet that I had not been able to see and interact with beforehand, this is going to happen to so many people this year and it is not your failure but theirs. It would be perfectly possible to facilitate visitors by appointment at most rescues, or even at foster carers with appropriate measures in place. By all means be patient but absolutely do not feel guilty about rehoming them if you need to.

I think you are right I’ve picked a kitten off the street that was in such a bad way with burn, fleas n worms she needed emergency care and she let herself be handled. And is the most gorgeous beautiful cat in the world, (although tiny as she never really grew) .

But I once (when I was 12) adopted two kittens that couldn’t be handled from a farm where they were feral and introduced them to other cats (I lived on a farm too) and I never really tamed them, they’d come in and be stroked but they weren’t ever part of the family

They’ll need a v different environment maybe if they were younger but actually at 10 weeks you’d have to spend way too long and tbh they probably need a quiet space without too much going on

I’m really shocked the rescue just let them go! Especially when you’d been so clear what you wanted and what your situation ways!

@northstars

Your 9, 10 and 13 year old children were “crying because they couldn’t touch them” (as you said in your OP)? Jesus

Ikr!

How old are the other 2 kids?

The kids have come home and are all crying as they can't touch them

Oh dear. All the kids are crying? Why? Do they not understand that they're little terrified kittens who need time and space to settle in and get used to their new home? Why on earth didn't you tell them?!!

I honestly think you need to re-home them as it sounds as if you decided to get them purely as playthings for your kids.

Omg the typos.... the shame.... 🙈

From your OP: The kids have come home and are all crying as they can't touch them.

From your update: Just to be clear - the children haven't been near them. They had no expectations that they would be able to be picking them up, stroking them etc.

Which is it?

My daughter brought two 9 week old kittens into our home, a week ago - born in a barn, barely handled, having been fed (by their "breeder") adult cat food for 6 weeks prior. They were in a pen for two days, because we have a dog and a 13 year old neutered male. Dog has decided that she's their mother, older cat will come and stare at them for a few minutes at a time, then saunter off and make sure he's high enough up that they can't pester him.

Both kittens were very nervy on day one. Day three they were out of the pen and as I type on Day 8, they're rampaging up and down the stairs with the dog watching over them. One of them runs to the dog if he feels uncertain about anything, and naps with her on her bed. The only real problem we've had with them, is the fact that the female kitten was very lethargic on day one, and wouldn't eat (we've gently weaned them from the adult cat food onto kitten food) due to an infected bite wound to her neck, which was already partially healed over, and which the "breeder" claimed to know nothing about, despite having wormed them a few days earlier and checked them over before permitting them to leave. She's fine now, though.

It's not always necessary to make slow introductions - certainly, I've had cats for over 20 years, and have never hidden kittens away in separate rooms to the older cat(s). In my opinion - and I'm sure most of you won't agree with me - sometimes that can only lead to serious problems between older and younger cat. You don't get a puppy and hide it away from an already resident dog, do you...?!

It does sound as if these kittens are completely feral, though, which you should have been warned about. Also, whilst a lot of cat charities do prefer their kittens to be neutered and spayed before being adopted, due to Covid, it's likely that they aren't able to. My daughter spoke to our vet about this when we took them for their health-check/first jabs on Monday, and was told that it's more usual to perform the op when a kitten is 2kg in weight, as it's less risky (anaesthetics wise) for them, which usually means around the 16 weeks category - although they will do it earlier if they're 1.8 or 1.9 kgs and it's a sibling relationship (ie, brother and sister - which ours are).

But yes; completely agree with PP, these are living beings, babies - not toys. If you have a cat already, your children and husband ought to be aware of how to handle/not terrify them. Let them settle in, give them a few days, see how it goes - then make a decision. And remind your children that if they were frightened, they wouldn't like being grabbed at either, would they?

Poor kittens, they're terrified and need much longer than a day to settle in.

Make sure they have somewhere they can hide and feel safe, and don't go in after them or try to get them out of their hiding place.

Let them stay in the room on their own for a while, with some tasty food that's away from their hiding place to encourage them to explore a bit - they'll soon learn it's a safe space. And don't worry if they don't seem to eat anything at first- they'll be hungry enough eventually!

Once they're coming out by themselves for food you can try spending time in there with them - again don't go to them, or force them out of their hiding place - sit down or even better lie down, near the food, speak softly and if they make eye contact don't stare back, just do a very slow blink.

I've had some very nervous kittens - one in particular hid under the bed for 3 days without even coming out for food, she's now the first one to welcome any visitors we have and test the suitability of their knee as a cat bed!

Good luck!

@RingPiece

The kids have come home and are all crying as they can't touch them

Oh dear. All the kids are crying? Why? Do they not understand that they're little terrified kittens who need time and space to settle in and get used to their new home? Why on earth didn't you tell them?!!

I honestly think you need to re-home them as it sounds as if you decided to get them purely as playthings for your kids.

Two lots of twins.

I'm amazed a rescue let you have 2 kittens when you have such a busy household and are pretty clueless about what might happen when you bring 2 baby animals home.

Please take them back, it's not a good fit for you, your dc or the kittens.

@vanillandhoney

From your OP: The kids have come home and are all crying as they can't touch them.

From your update: Just to be clear - the children haven't been near them. They had no expectations that they would be able to be picking them up, stroking them etc.

Which is it?

They haven't been near them. They were crying because I was upset and I told them that the cats were stressed. I'm sorry, I'm just feeling a bit shit because I hate seeing the cats like that.

I’m surprised any rescue let you have them !

They had no expectations that they would be able to be picking them up, stroking them etc.

But your m first post said the reason your kids were upset was because they couldn’t touch them.

If you have as much experience with cats as you say, you’d know they need more than a few hours to settle. They’re not toys after all.

Let them hide. They’ll come out when they’re feeling more comfortable, possibly when there’s no kids around.

TBH I might take them back purely because you clearly haven’t thought this through, and getting two kittens with five kids and another cat really isn’t a very good idea.

This

They're frightened of the strange smells, sounds and environment, and you don't know how socialised to people they are. You'll have to take it very slowly and keep them in one room to begin with. You'll need to win their confidence and that means being slow, gentle and staying back from them and letting them come to you. It's also good to have some very simple toys, just a shoelace is good to attempt to get them to interact with you. Don't leave them alone with it, though!

When I got my cat he was little more than a kitten (4 months)
First day he ran straight under the fridge and stayed there for two days. He did come out to eat and drink but not when we were about. He was very cautious for a few days after that. We were just two adults too not a household of 7 with another cat.
Friends of ours got two kittens recently that hated each other for about 3 weeks, now you can't separate them!
Give them time, let them settle in quietly and peacefully.

Well, YABU to take the poor sods back because they're tiny and confused and they'd be even more stressed.
But YANBU because you don't sound like you're very clued up.

Of course they're frightened; it's a new place, new people and they're very young. It's only been a day – not even a whole day.

You need to manage your kids better if they're crying about not being able to handle the kittens.

Although this is confusing as you say later the children 'had no expectations that they would be able to be picking them up, stroking them etc.' So which is it?

I'm also not sure why, when you were first told the kittens were chipped and neutered and then on your next visit told they weren't, you didn't challenge that.

One of my cats was from an established reputable breeder, not a rescue (so easy start in life comparatively) and she was super nervous. She hid behind a cat bed for 3 days. It's normal behaviour, they're babies in a new environment. I made sure she had a place to hide and food/water available, then I read to her regularly to help her get used to the sound of my voice. On the third day, she came out and climbed onto my lap.

Children have to understand many animals will be nervous at first, it's new and if your child was plonked in a new place with utter strangers and new smells, they'd probably hide too! Give them time and they'll be fine - and let them come to you, not the other way around. Do you have Feliway plugs/spray? It can help for stressful situations.

They haven't been near them. They were crying because I was upset and I told them that the cats were stressed. I'm sorry, I'm just feeling a bit shit because I hate seeing the cats like that.

Just give them space. Leave them in a room with some toys, food, water, and a couple of litter trays and let them be for a while. They don't need to be disturbed yet - just let them get accustomed to their surroundings. Maybe one of the adults could then go in and sit quietly and see what happens. No reaching out or grabbing, just give them a chance to come to you on their own times.

However I do think it's worth having a rethink. A home with five children, two adults and another cat is going to pretty overwhelming and stressful for two young kittens.

Ignore the posters saying let them settle. That's rubbish. Well socialised 10 week old kittens would not be behaving in the way you describe. These kittens sound totally feral and as if they have not been used to being handled or living in a house before. They are not suitable for your household at all and need be with someone who can socialise them.

I got two 8 week old kittens from the RSPCA and they were obviously used to people and friendly from the start- of course they took a while to find their way round the house and trust us completely, but they were never petrified or attacking us.

RSPCA spay at 8 weeks.

This cat was a very timid and scared kitten.

Not so much now.