Kittens - AIBU to take them back?

[Lotsofsocks]

This may be long! We have a rescue cat who is three years old. We decided to get two kittens from a rescue and have been to pick them up today - now I'm not sure we've done the right thing!

When I was asking the rescue about cats/kittens to adopt I made it clear we had five children (and we'd rescued from them before so they had all our details) and another cat. Every cat/kitten I was interested in I asked would they be good with another cat, how would they be with children?

I was told the two I was interested in were a little shy but would be fine and that they were chipped and neutered. We've been to pick them up today and it was then confirmed that they weren't chipped and neutered as they are only 10 weeks old and the woman at the rescue couldn't confirm where they had come from! I was also told they are a little shy and will hiss a bit but keep picking them up and they will be fine. That's an understatement!

We got home and took them into one room and let them out of the carrier. They both fled into the corners of the room and won't let us anywhere near them. When we tried to get them back into the carrier one bit my husband and wouldn't let go. They were both hissing and howling. I don't know what to do for the best. The kids have come home and are all crying as they can't touch them. We'd had a rescue kitten but he'd been looked after in someone's house so was much more socialised and would be picked up and stroked (as were the two previous cats I had as kittens) and our rescue cat was the same. When we got our current cat you were allowed in with the cats so could see their temperament, whether they would be picked up etc but with COVID you can't do that and have to go on what the rescue say. When we were leaving the lady at the shelter did say if you can't handle them you can bring them back which is making me think they weren't handled a lot there and aren't actually really ready to go to a home.

Do you think it's fairer if we take them back so they can go to a home that's quieter and may be better for them? I don't know what to do for the best. I've also got to introduce them to our other cat at some point but am really fearing how this will go.

@NailsNeedDoing

Those excuses wouldn’t work with any other animal!

What is it with cat lovers who think cats can do no wrong, until they do and then it’s just an amusing anecdote. You don’t have animals that bite roaming around a house full of children, it’s irrelevant whether or not the bite was justified.

No the OP should have had more sense than to bring the kittens into her house with no understanding of their needs.

You don’t have animals that bite roaming around a house full of children, it’s irrelevant whether or not the bite was justified.

Well it is actually. It's completely insane to expect an animal to behave like a stuffed toy and not a living being who feels pain and fear. I do think that the cats should be returned but for their sake, not those of the grabby kids.

They're KITTENS, ffs!! They're defending themselves because they're scared and unsure.

You need to speak to the shelter and make sure they pay for the neutering and chipping (as promised) and question why they are re-homing kittens so young, especially when they are not ready.

That said, have a heart!! What kind of a people get kittens then give them back because they're not settled in a DAY??!!

Feral - oh fuck off. Sounds like the ‘home’ these poor kittens has been adopted into is feral.

@flourbroach

This is ringing loud alarm bells for me. My guess is that they are feral, and they should have never been rehomed into an ordinary family domestic environment.

I'm speaking from bitter experience - they need to go back. And cat bites are serious, your DH needs antibiotics asap or he could end up in hospital like I did.

They don't sound feral at all. They sound young and terrified. They're tiny babies who have been taken from their mum, placed in a carrier and car, then, within hours of them getting to their new home, have been grabbed at by a fully grown adult, and have had children wailing and crying around them...of course they're scared and are hissing and biting. It's normal!

I really, really wish people would do their research before introducing animals to their home - particularly baby animals who need lots of time, care and patience.

About the bite.

Cat bites can be dangerous. Years ago a man living locally died after being bitten by his cat. Yes, he did have a compromised immune system and he was diabetic, but your DH may need to get attention for the bite sooner rather later, just in case.

I remember my mum bringing a kitten home from work, she worked on a farm and the kitten came from the farm cats so it was pretty wild, she brought the box in and it was covered in blood, blood from my mum where she had to get it into the box 🤣, inside was a black and white fluffy kitten, I couldn’t believe something so tiny could have been so hard to get into a box.

Anyway, after he settled in he became the best cat ever, he used to sleep on the bottom of my bed, got on well with the dog and was pretty laid back. He was always very shy outside the house though, could rarely approach him outside.

I think you need to give them time to settle in, they have probably come from a stray or from a farm so are just not used to people, they soon adjust.

It's very important that you keep the kids away from the kittens until they have settled a bit, and even then make sure they are behaving calmly.

My two lived in a house with children when they were kittens and were screamed at and manhandled, now they're very anxious and don't like children at all.

You absolutely cannot expect them to be ok with the children touching them/picking them up right away!.This is something you should have set expectations with your children on first.
They are not toys, they are living animals and you're being totally unreasonable expecting them to come bounding into the house and instantly be-friending your DC. You should have explained this to your DC before you got them home. The rehoming centre warned you they would take a bit of settling in too!

I'm sorry but I think that you have unrealistic expectations of kittens! I would return them now while they are young enough to be rehomed.

Absolutely take them back - you have no idea how to do this properly and haven’t even bothered to research. Poor kittens.

They are scared babies that need patience. How sad for them. Take them back while they are still young and let them go to a good home.

@NailsNeedDoing

Those excuses wouldn’t work with any other animal!

What is it with cat lovers who think cats can do no wrong, until they do and then it’s just an amusing anecdote. You don’t have animals that bite roaming around a house full of children, it’s irrelevant whether or not the bite was justified.

Have you ever tried to give a cat a tablet? Virtually all of them bite.

I’m sure if someone 10x the size of you rammed its finger down your throat you’d be completely compliant and not defend yourself.

HUCKMUCK you can't tell if any animal will be child friendly this is why having well trained children is also important

YANBU to expect him to be chipped. He's too young to be neutered but rescues usually give a voucher to cover the neutering costs when it's the right time.

YABU to expect the kittens to play and enjoy being handled by dc and a dh on their first day.

We've adopted kittens twice from the same rescue, both 'well socialised'. The first one hid terrified for 2 or 3 weeks and took months to actually enjoy human company. He's still timid and startles easily 6 years later. The second kitten sauntered out of his cat carrier bold as brass, started to play immediately and has never looked back.
So your expectations may not have been wrong. Different cats, see?

I think you should take them back because these kittens don't sound a good match for your family or to put it another way, your family is not right for these kittens.

@dappledsunshine

I really don't think you should've rehomed these kittens, your expectations are ridiculous

When we got our boy it took him days to come out of hiding, rehoming animals involves patience and perseverance.

Those poor kittens expecting to be manhandled by 5 kids too!

This. They are living creatures not fluffy toys.

Poor wee kittens - they will be scared, and they are tiny babies!

Our cat was three when we got her - she never hissed or bit, but she spent a lot of time under the sofa, only being tempted out by Dreamies. For the first few nights she slept behind the living room curtains. Within a week she was spending her evenings on my lap, although that went out the window when she started going out.

She's currently in her basket, on the kitchen table, while I work on my laptop.

This illustrates why many rescues won't rehome cats or dogs to families with children

The few (I hope) spoil it for the many

Ridiculous expectations of tiny kittens

Just to be clear - the children haven't been near them. They had no expectations that they would be able to be picking them up, stroking them etc. We bought the kittens home when they were at school. The reason why they were upset is because I was upset and questioning if I had done the right thing. The kids are aged 9, 10 and 13. We've had a home visit from the shelter.

I've had cats my whole life. I've introduced two kittens from different litters to each other, I've introduced a kitten (who had been socialised) to an older car and I've had a rescue cat on her own, its just they seem really scared and almost feral. I got them from the shelter we got our other cat from. I think I'm just feeling really shit because they are really scared and I hate seeing animals like that.

We've rehomed 6 cats - most of them adults, but one was a 4 month old kitten.

I've never been so exhausted as I was looking after the kitten. They need totally different socialisation in a new home compared to an adult cat who's already lived in a family home.

Agree with other pp that you need to give this more time. Lots of time. It took several weeks for our rescue kitten to socialise properly, especially as he clearly hadn't had the benefit of mum to help him for long enough (he's a polydactyl, so was handed in to the shelter because he doesn't have the traditional 'cute' cat paws).

But now, 5 years on, he's amazing! As are all our cats (all came to us with issues, as it happens) but it takes lots of time, lots of patience, and lots of peace and quiet. I'm not sure a house with children is the best fit for 2 nervous kittens.

Whatever you do, please make the right decisions for the kittens. Even if it ends up being offering them for rehoming.

Jackson Galaxy's website also has lots of advice for helping new kittens and cats settle into a new home, but don't expect it to be a 'quick fix' - it will take time and consistency from you and your family.

Good luck

Don't understand why you let them out into, presumably, the room you're going to let them settle in, but then straightaway tried to put them back in the carrier . They must have been terrified! Like others said, they need to be left alone to adjust to their new environment (i.e. Hide in corners, like they were doing) , with food and water nearby.

I think it would be best to take them back though, it does sound quite overwhelming for them, 5 kids and another cat (who will be territorial and not want them there - I've introduced 2 kittens to a resident cat before, and they never really got along).

Your 9, 10 and 13 year old children were “crying because they couldn’t touch them” (as you said in your OP)? Jesus

Unfortunately 'rescues' are unregulated, most are wonderful but too often small ones in particular are actually being run by well meaning but clueless people. The 'rescue' may have different volunteers now compared to when you found your first cat there. They have epically failed on ensuring that your family and these two kittens are likely to be a successful match, and on providing you with clear information and support to make it work. I'd consider getting in touch with a different, better run rescue to help ensure the welfare of these two.