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Original poster

To tell my friend her behaviour was odd...?

300 replies

pollymadetea · 23/09/2020 07:36

I met a friend for a walk / picnic yesterday.
We’ve both got small babies (6 months)

It’s the first chance we’ve had to meet and I was really looking forward to it.

Turns out I found the afternoon quite stressful and didn’t enjoy it.

We started off having a walk but every few minutes she was reminding me to stay away from her and the baby and pointing out that I had broken the 2m “barrier”.

I hadn’t done this on purpose and I’m well aware of how to distance, but some paths were smaller than others so it wasn’t possible to be exactly two meters apart, although we weren’t far off!!
Yet she kept pointing out that I was less than 2m.

I’d taken a lunch bag with me and the basket in my pram was already quite full, she didn’t have anything in hers so I asked if I could put my lunch bag under her pram.

She told me it wasn’t safe for me to do that because it’s risking spreading Covid.
I didn’t say anything about this, I just carried my own bag.

We sat down and ate our picnic and I suggested we let the babies play together but she was really against this idea and said the babies should distance.

As we were leaving and packing up, her sons blanket fell from the pram, I picked it up and gave it to her and she told me she didn’t want to take that now and I shouldn’t have touched it as it’s not safe and it’s how Covid spreads.
I apologised and told her I’d sanitised my hands after we’d eaten.

She told me to just put it under the pram, which I did.

She then said she would walk back to the car alone as the path was too small for us to distance so we said our goodbyes and we left.

She’s messaged saying she had a lovely day and would I like to do it again.

But I didn’t really have a lovely day, I felt on edge around her and I think I’d feel the same if we were to meet again.

Should I tell her that she was being too extreme? Or is it that I’m too relaxed??

OP posts:
MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 23/09/2020 07:57

I don't see her behaviour as extreme. I see your behaviour as being too relaxed and non compliant.

TinySleepThief · 23/09/2020 08:02

I agree with others to try and let her down gently. She is obviously very anxious which is fine but if you didn't have a nice time then I would delay meeting again.

As for the babies playing I dont think that's an unreasonable idea. I've got a 9 month old and have made the decision that he will have to interact with at least some other babies at some point as the virus isn't going anywhere any time soon. I appreciate its daunting but if he doesn't go to nursery which is looking unlikely due to a covid job loss then how else are babies meant to learn to socialise?

Original poster
pollymadetea · 23/09/2020 08:03

@rorosemary

**You don't sound very careful if you wanted the babies to play together.

They are only 6 months so by “play” I meant for them to lay on a blanket together, roll around etc.
They will both be at the same nursery in January and they won’t be distancing then!

@MyShinyWhiteTeeth
**I see your behaviour as being too relaxed and non compliant.

I don’t really think as myself as non compliant, I always distance.
I don’t think I have broken the rules in anyway yesterday.
I guess suggesting the babies playing was non compliant but that was only for the reasons stated above.

OP posts:
rookiemere · 23/09/2020 08:09

I think texting and suggesting you meet when this has calmed down a bit would be a good idea, but does mean you likely won't see her until next Spring.

Now that you know what she's like can you find a walk or location that means you could be 2 metres distant but still able to talk to each other. She obviously got a positive feeling from talking to you, so perhaps it's just a case of adapting the surroundings for now.

Angelina82 · 23/09/2020 08:10

I would tell her straight (but kindly) that her anxiety put you on edge and you think it would be best to leave any further outings until when Covid was under control.

ChrisPrattsFace · 23/09/2020 08:10

She sounds a little much, but if that’s how she’s coping then fair enough!
I would probably tell her she made me feel uncomfortable being so strict when you don’t feel like you caused and issues, you’ll try again with her in the future?

KatieKat88 · 23/09/2020 08:14

DD is 10 months and my NCT group have been meeting in parks since lockdown lifted. To start with we were pretty strict on staying on our own blankets but this has proved more challenging since they all started crawling! Adults stay away from each other unless retrieving said crawling babies and we try to catch them before they get too close to others still (but they can be bloody fast!) When walking we try to stay 2m apart but the odd drift when there isn't enough space is fine, we're outdoors. Your friend seems very anxious but may feel more relaxed the more you meet- has she gotten out much since lockdown lifted? Some people are much more 'relaxed' about the rules than others so she may have been trying to gauge your boundaries? How good a friend is she?

ChloeCrocodile · 23/09/2020 08:14

I'd tell her that you found the afternoon stressful. You accept that she wants to stick rigidly to 2m and not passing things, but you can't live like that so perhaps it is best if you wait until covid is over.

GetThatHelmetOn · 23/09/2020 08:14

You don’t need to convince her she is wrong, she is free to decide what risks she wants to take. You are free to avoid people whose company you don’t currently enjoy.

No need to fall out about it, you are not going to change her views and she is not going to change yours either. Just say you are busy (or with a cough, if you are cheeky) next time she tries to arrange a meet up.

kateclarke · 23/09/2020 08:15

I’m going against the grain and saying that I think she was right.

I’m an ICU nurse and have seen what COVID can do.

We all need to be more careful to protect ourselves and our loved ones.

BameChange123 · 23/09/2020 08:16

Suggest meeting up in a country park car park in separate cars & picnics and chat on the phone? Then you can get out of the car and she can control her own spacing and degree of interaction.

Hoptercopter · 23/09/2020 08:16

Yeah, it does sound like she's anxious and probably not meaning to be awkward. If you think about where her behaviour is coming from she is probably just scared so I think it's understandable. It's a weird and uncertain time and everyone's reacting in their own way.

I would just say it was good to see her but you found it quite stressful with Covid and would like to meet up again when things are a bit more relaxed.

Brefugee · 23/09/2020 08:22

you could honestly say "let's meet when it's less stressful" no need to add that it's her that made it stressful for you.

lljkk · 23/09/2020 08:23

If was that stressed on a walk outside then I wonder how she copes in the supermarket. Probably never goes?

Original poster
pollymadetea · 23/09/2020 08:24

@kateclarke

I’m going against the grain and saying that I think she was right.

I’m an ICU nurse and have seen what COVID can do.

We all need to be more careful to protect ourselves and our loved ones.

@kateclarke

I really do understand this, and I’m not for a second thinking that Covid isn’t serious, I know that it is.

But the majority of our walk was spent distancing, there was the odd moment where we weren’t 2m as the path was too small.
But it really wasn’t for very long.

I probably shouldn’t have touched her babies blanket but she’d seen me sanitise my hands a few minutes earlier.

I guess we are all just trying to deal with it in our own ways.

OP posts:
Treesofwood · 23/09/2020 08:28

She sounds like she has developed OCD. How on earth does she manage things like shopping, receiving mail etc if she thinks you picking up her babies blanket from the floor (fox poo, dog pee, tetanus spores) means she might catch covid? Sounds stressful.

Purpledaisychain · 23/09/2020 08:29

Everybody is handling this differently, with all of us using different levels of care. If she wants to be more careful than you do, you should respect that.

Maybe skip the walk and just do a picnic next time. That way you can sit 2m apart and just chat without having to move about a lot?

Treesofwood · 23/09/2020 08:29

Don't feel bad for being a perfectly normal human being and helping your friend when she dropped her baby's blanket.

IKEA888 · 23/09/2020 08:32

poor friend. please teach out with support. she may have PND and it manifesting as anxiety.
she may be grateful for help

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 23/09/2020 08:33

She hasn't done anything wrong though, she's just sticking to the rules. People go on about folk who won't stock to the rules and when someone does obediently stick to them, they're accused of being odd?

PleasantVille · 23/09/2020 08:33

@kateclarke

I’m going against the grain and saying that I think she was right.

I’m an ICU nurse and have seen what COVID can do.

We all need to be more careful to protect ourselves and our loved ones.

I totally agree that we all need to be careful but not passing a blanket or briefly being nearer that 2m from someone on a narrow path is OTT. If the virus spread that easily the whole world would have had it by now.

If you think you might get infected by touching a blanket someone else has touched you shouldn't be out with that person in the first place.

I agree with the suggestions to say to your friend you'll meet up again when the restrictions have finished

Ihaveoflate · 23/09/2020 08:36

Neither of you is wrong - you just have different levels of comfort around transmission. She can choose to be very careful, but you can also choose not to see her.

It also depends how close your friendship is as to how much you’re prepared to tolerate. If she was a good friend, I would probably still see her and respect her comfort levels, as she could clearly do with a friend right now. That doesn’t mean you have to agree with her.

diddl · 23/09/2020 08:37

When you say that the path was too small to distance-even single file?

If you had been being careful & social distancing she wouldn't have had to keep saying anything.

I think her not taking your lunch was ott-but after that I can't believe that you then suggested the babies play together & picked up something of hers.

But if that's how different the two of you are in approaches it's not going to work is it?

Unless you went for a walk somewhere easy to distance?

Original poster
pollymadetea · 23/09/2020 08:41

@diddl

When you say that the path was too small to distance-even single file?

If you had been being careful & social distancing she wouldn't have had to keep saying anything.

I think her not taking your lunch was ott-but after that I can't believe that you then suggested the babies play together & picked up something of hers.

But if that's how different the two of you are in approaches it's not going to work is it?

Unless you went for a walk somewhere easy to distance?

@diddl

The path just wasn’t wide enough to be exactly 2m apart. We were definitely a meter apart probably even more, just not exactly 2m.
So I didn’t think I was doing anything wrong as I was never too close to her, even when the paths were smaller I know we were
at least a meter apart!!

OP posts:
Original poster
pollymadetea · 23/09/2020 08:42

I wouldn’t say she’s a very close friend but we’ve definitely been talking a lot more since we’ve had our babies, we met a few times during pregnancy too and agreed it would be nice to spent time together on maternity (this was pre Covid)

OP posts:
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