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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell my friend her behaviour was odd...?

300 replies

pollymadetea · 23/09/2020 07:36

I met a friend for a walk / picnic yesterday.
We’ve both got small babies (6 months)

It’s the first chance we’ve had to meet and I was really looking forward to it.

Turns out I found the afternoon quite stressful and didn’t enjoy it.

We started off having a walk but every few minutes she was reminding me to stay away from her and the baby and pointing out that I had broken the 2m “barrier”.

I hadn’t done this on purpose and I’m well aware of how to distance, but some paths were smaller than others so it wasn’t possible to be exactly two meters apart, although we weren’t far off!!
Yet she kept pointing out that I was less than 2m.

I’d taken a lunch bag with me and the basket in my pram was already quite full, she didn’t have anything in hers so I asked if I could put my lunch bag under her pram.

She told me it wasn’t safe for me to do that because it’s risking spreading Covid.
I didn’t say anything about this, I just carried my own bag.

We sat down and ate our picnic and I suggested we let the babies play together but she was really against this idea and said the babies should distance.

As we were leaving and packing up, her sons blanket fell from the pram, I picked it up and gave it to her and she told me she didn’t want to take that now and I shouldn’t have touched it as it’s not safe and it’s how Covid spreads.
I apologised and told her I’d sanitised my hands after we’d eaten.

She told me to just put it under the pram, which I did.

She then said she would walk back to the car alone as the path was too small for us to distance so we said our goodbyes and we left.

She’s messaged saying she had a lovely day and would I like to do it again.

But I didn’t really have a lovely day, I felt on edge around her and I think I’d feel the same if we were to meet again.

Should I tell her that she was being too extreme? Or is it that I’m too relaxed??

OP posts:
Ginseng1 · 24/09/2020 19:57

That overfussing would drive me mad too when you out to enjoy a walk n chat n get a bit of a break. BUT everyone different she's obviously anxious. Just send a polite message & say same to her back.

HauntedPencil · 24/09/2020 20:07

I'd leave it a while and meet her again it's a stressful time and she might be feeling anxious.

It's been a relentless bad news week.

I'd meet her when things are on a better path, maybe a coffee outdoors both sat down. Something a bit less stress

Twillow · 24/09/2020 20:10

First-time baby? I would have been the same I expect. I think it would be kinder to respect her needs due to anxiety, it wouldn't need very much doing differently on your part.

playthegame · 24/09/2020 22:01

I have had a baby this year during lockdown.
I will admit I am probably a bit relaxed about it all but baby is my 5th!!

Your poor friend sounds like a nervous wreck over the whole Covid situation but she is just trying to do the best for her baby (as all of us are!). Please cut her some slack, this is a very strange time for all of us!!

Maybe next time you can meet somewhere that doesn’t require a walk and sit to eat a picnic together but still sticking to the 2m rule?

Onelovelyone · 24/09/2020 22:26

It sounds like a ghastly afternoon to me and more stress than it is worth. Great that she had a good afternoon and but if you didn’t, that’s good enough not to repeat it.

SurroundedByIdiotsEverywhere · 24/09/2020 22:59

Get a new friend!

Ginogineli · 24/09/2020 23:10

I meet friends all the time and we don’t bother with 2m

You can’t realky have an afternoon with anyone at 2m so best avoid

Are there really people so anxious that they wont touch something no one else has? I work in office of 10 and we share pens phones photocopiers etc

invisibleme · 25/09/2020 01:52

What, even now?!! ginogineli that attitude is surely why Covid numbers are now rising again out of control! I find it staggering how so many people still don't seem to grasp the concept of cross contamination. Sadly this new virus can survive for days on hard surfaces, so that pen or photocopier you casually share may actually be the means that the virus gets passed on, and yes, someone could then get so ill from it that they might die. Pre Covid, sure, excessively cautious behaviour hygiene-wise could well have been seen as OCD. But these days it's different. Being so relaxed re virus transmission might now be someone else's death knell...as I think Boris said on TV this week.

Blueink · 25/09/2020 02:22

Totally possible to agree to adhere to strict social distancing. I would have found being with you stressful and surprised she is keen to meet with you again. I don’t think you were respecting her boundaries and are blasé about the pandemic and the risks of spreading a virus which can be life threatening and we don’t fully understand the long term implications of.

JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 25/09/2020 02:39

Op i don't think you're blasé at all. You clearly take the rules seriously, you're thoughtful and careful. The day out you describe sounds awful and annoying. You should definitely reply that you won't be meeting up again until the pandemic risks have subsided but could chat over zoom if you want to keep the friendship going.

Monty27 · 25/09/2020 02:49

OP I haven't read the thread in minute detail but from what I have read may I ask if your df brought her own picnic? Thanks
I think she's overboard but if that's how she feels you've no choice now otherto keep your distance.

Susannahmoody · 25/09/2020 02:53

Sounds awful

SengaMac · 25/09/2020 03:04

Even when we were 2m away she kept saying “are we 2m away” or “do you think we are too close” or “I think I’ll just move away a bit”

Clearly the combination of new baby plus global pandemic has made your friend very anxious.
Perhaps, without criticising her, you could have a chat about how/where to have an outing without her getting so anxious.
If you can't do that then it's probably best not to meet meantime.

Her anxiety isn't personal to you and she can't stop it just to be polite.

jentinquarantino20 · 25/09/2020 03:30

In your defence, if she was that concerned, why even meet up in the first place? Also, the blanket fell on the floor, which is worse than newly sanitised hands.

If I was you, I would just say politely, you clearly are anxious about the covid stuff, so maybe meet up again when things calm down.

Tompbabs1 · 25/09/2020 06:47

In England it's 1m+ so if you're there, she was being OTT

It’s 1 m with a facemask if you can’t do 2 metres, that’s probably the reason it’s still spreading

KaTm200 · 25/09/2020 07:32

I think she sounds super anxious, she's a new mum too, it is an anxious time even without a pandemic and having s baby at the beginning of lockdown must be stressful. It's probably taken her a lot to feel safe to leave the house. Like everyone has said be kind, follow up on how she is. I've seen some extreme reactions to this pandemic too. Everyone has their breaking point and some people are not coping well.

Ginogineli · 25/09/2020 10:15

1m plus doesn’t mean just facemwask

It’s 1m with say back to back, side by side, outside, barrier around desk etc

To pp yes we are all sharing as we are teachers -40 total with one photocopier!

BruceAndNosh · 25/09/2020 10:24

@Ginogineli

I meet friends all the time and we don’t bother with 2m

You can’t realky have an afternoon with anyone at 2m so best avoid

Are there really people so anxious that they wont touch something no one else has? I work in office of 10 and we share pens phones photocopiers etc

And there we have it.

Too many people simply don't give a fuck

THEDEACON · 25/09/2020 12:30

If everyone was as careful as your friend the spread of Covid would be considerably less You don't sound like much of a friend

Avvii · 25/09/2020 12:42

I find all of the people assuming OPs friend is extremely anxious (to the point they suggest she should see a doctor!) very interesting. I follow the rules to the letter and I’m not worried about getting coronavirus, though admittedly am concerned about the long-term effects on children we don’t yet know about. Mainly I just want to ensure I don’t pass it on to vulnerable people who could then die, whether I know them or not.

If you are happy to ignore the guidelines and risk infecting someone who will die, that’s your choice. Don’t assume those of us who choose not to do so are quaking in our boots petrified of Covid, though. Most of us just think following the guidelines is the morally correct thing to do.

mamaandbabas · 25/09/2020 12:47

Sounds like a very stressful day out. Think you need to let your friend know that you found the whole meet up stressful. My SIL was acting like this when she met DH and DDs the other day in a park, first meeting in 10 months. She would not even take a take away coffee. So thankful I was not able to join them!!!

Cadent · 25/09/2020 13:22

@Avvii

I find all of the people assuming OPs friend is extremely anxious (to the point they suggest she should see a doctor!) very interesting. I follow the rules to the letter and I’m not worried about getting coronavirus, though admittedly am concerned about the long-term effects on children we don’t yet know about. Mainly I just want to ensure I don’t pass it on to vulnerable people who could then die, whether I know them or not.

If you are happy to ignore the guidelines and risk infecting someone who will die, that’s your choice. Don’t assume those of us who choose not to do so are quaking in our boots petrified of Covid, though. Most of us just think following the guidelines is the morally correct thing to do.

A bit patronising. I have a shielding mum and sister so I also follow the rules but I can also recognise a pedantic ‘look at me’ princess when I see one.
TheWernethWife · 25/09/2020 13:46

OP you haven't done anything wrong as far as I'm concerned. If your friend is so anxious then she should stay at home or take some responsibility herself regarding staying two metres apart You sanitised your hands before handing her the blanket, what is her problem there.

The next time the bossy madam goes out she should take a two metre stick with her to ensure correct distance (she can poke people with it if they come too close). Give her a wide berth for the time being. It all sounds very stressful for you.

scubadive · 26/09/2020 08:39

She’s just following the guidance, you have a more relaxed approach. She has a young baby it’s under stable that she wants to protect her family. If everyone adhered to the rules like that then we wouldn’t have had the deaths we have.

Not touching things others have touched is sensible.

If you found it stressful then just explain tgat it might be better to wait u TIL the rules are relaxed and you too can relax, you can’t possibly blame her adherence to the rules on her being at fault.

Ddot · 27/09/2020 20:44

Last post is spot on, I've kept in touch with friends by text. Its poo but it's safe. I meet up with only one but keep distance and wear mask in car. We are all coping differently with the stress, just be patient

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