To tell my friend her behaviour was odd...?

[pollymadetea]

I met a friend for a walk / picnic yesterday.
We’ve both got small babies (6 months)

It’s the first chance we’ve had to meet and I was really looking forward to it.

Turns out I found the afternoon quite stressful and didn’t enjoy it.

We started off having a walk but every few minutes she was reminding me to stay away from her and the baby and pointing out that I had broken the 2m “barrier”.

I hadn’t done this on purpose and I’m well aware of how to distance, but some paths were smaller than others so it wasn’t possible to be exactly two meters apart, although we weren’t far off!!
Yet she kept pointing out that I was less than 2m.

I’d taken a lunch bag with me and the basket in my pram was already quite full, she didn’t have anything in hers so I asked if I could put my lunch bag under her pram.

She told me it wasn’t safe for me to do that because it’s risking spreading Covid.
I didn’t say anything about this, I just carried my own bag.

We sat down and ate our picnic and I suggested we let the babies play together but she was really against this idea and said the babies should distance.

As we were leaving and packing up, her sons blanket fell from the pram, I picked it up and gave it to her and she told me she didn’t want to take that now and I shouldn’t have touched it as it’s not safe and it’s how Covid spreads.
I apologised and told her I’d sanitised my hands after we’d eaten.

She told me to just put it under the pram, which I did.

She then said she would walk back to the car alone as the path was too small for us to distance so we said our goodbyes and we left.

She’s messaged saying she had a lovely day and would I like to do it again.

But I didn’t really have a lovely day, I felt on edge around her and I think I’d feel the same if we were to meet again.

Should I tell her that she was being too extreme? Or is it that I’m too relaxed??

[StardewMelons]

Having been diagnosed with OCD a few years ago (not germ, cleaning etc related) I thank god I wasn't sucked into obbessing over this. And I dread to think about all the people OCD or not that will be affected forever when this is over, is it ever does go back to 'normal'. You can sit in a pub and get drunk, send your kids to school... but someone passes you an item you cannot touch it....

[Scoobidoo]

IMO the person making this stressful was the OP, not respecting social distancing.
Friend asked OP to stay 2 meters away, OP didn’t listen so friend had to keep reminding. Friend made it very clear she wasn’t happy with contact, yet OP suggested DC played together (causing friend to decline) and picked up the blanket (causing friend to ask her not to).

If everyone was as cautious as OP’s friend we wouldn’t be staring down the barrel of a 2nd lockdown.

[StardewMelons]

@Scoobidoo If for months and months people became so rigid they couldn't pick up an item another person has touched I reakon the mental health teams are going to be in an even more dire state than they already are

[PurpleTrilby]

Hey Fishfingers, did you need that holiday? No. Thought not. But yeah it's your friends that were out of order. Not you for disrespecting their boundaries. Okay got it. Never your fault. Thanks for trying to spread the virus even more. You must be so proud.

[Cadent]

It does sound like the friend was making it OP’s responsibility to observe the 2m distance. She could just easily drop back 2 metres.

[Cadent]

@PurpleTrilby

Hey Fishfingers, did you need that holiday? No. Thought not. But yeah it's your friends that were out of order. Not you for disrespecting their boundaries. Okay got it. Never your fault. Thanks for trying to spread the virus even more. You must be so proud.

I haven’t been away but I don’t blame people for going on holidays that they had paid money for. She didn’t do anything illegal you know.

[katy1213]

She sounds bonkers. Just tell her you'll meet her when she's feeling calmer, though I doubt that'll be any time soon.

[meggybug]

I don't think you behaved unreasonably at all - I'm a new mum and wouldn't have a problem with what you described. But I would be worried about my friend as it doesn't sound like she's coping very well. It could be that she's being ridiculously over anxious, or perhaps she's struggling generally with being a new mum during a pandemic? I think I would be asking if she's ok in case there's some post natal depression going on.

I've seen a few posts where people have said it's not OP's responsibility to look after other people's mental health. I can see where they're coming from but I do think it's being a good friend / human to ask if someone is ok?! Maybe noone has actually asked her how's she's feeling / coping

[Kisskiss]

I think everybody is reacting to the pandemic in different ways ( and at different points). One of my friends has A 4 month old and she won’t leave the house at all as she’s worried for the baby. Visitors are confined to a single chair which she’s placed just inside her front door.. you can only sit there, have a chat from afar and then leave.
I think to each their own, but you could be upfront and say she made you feel a bit on edge .. maybe best to wait till she’s more comfortable meeting others before repeating the walk

[Kisskiss]

Ps my friend lives In a place where the daily case count ranges from 0-2!!

[upsidedownwavylegs]

@PurpleTrilby

Hey Fishfingers, did you need that holiday? No. Thought not. But yeah it's your friends that were out of order. Not you for disrespecting their boundaries. Okay got it. Never your fault. Thanks for trying to spread the virus even more. You must be so proud.

The friends that were also on holiday? which, by the way, is perfectly allowable within the guidelines? Some people are just absolutely delighted at the moment to have an excuse to do all the bossing about they were reprimanded for as a five year old. You sound like one of them and so does OP’s mate.

[Jamhandprints]

I feel really sorry for your friend being so anxious. But you didnt respect her boundaries much. I think you could have been more understanding. Asking her to carry your stuff and suggesting the babies play together...obviously those suggestions would upset her.
I'm not saying you were unreasonable, but she is obviously anxious and you could have respected her more.

[FelicisNox]

I would just say: no thank you, as much as I love seeing you the whole event was far too stressful due to Covid restrictions but you will absolutely look forward to seeing her again once the pandemic has passed.

That way, she knows you didn't enjoy it, she knows why but you haven't laid the blame squarely at her feet.

That's the easy way: if it was just me I would be honest but that's the nature of who I am and everyone who has a relationship of any kind with me knows this.

A spades a spade in my universe.

[Pandacub7]

She sounds very anxious and paranoid. I hope she’s able to discuss this with her health visitor soon. I’m assuming she never goes shopping? What about the people that have touched the items she picks up?

[exaltedwombat]

Interesting that the general opinion seems to be that anyone who actually obeys the regulations is being over-anxious.

[Mirinska]

You are both responding differently and it’s an interaction so you ar3 affecting each other by your behaviour. If you were keeping to the 2 metre distance at all times and avoiding any possibility of touch transmission and generally demonstrating compliance with medical advice, she probably wouldn’t feel anxious around you. It’s not for individuals to decide to relax the rules then blame others for feeling anxious about what you are doing or might do.

[Tas1984]

Honestly it does sound stressful and if your friend really is that paranoid she shouldn’t have gone for the walk with you. While it’s fine to be cautious and believe me I am myself, it sounds like she was ridiculously over the top. I’m a blunt person so I would mention let’s meet after this is over since I didn’t enjoy it but that’s just me.

[CateJW]

Babies are allowed to interact in nursery and baby music and dance classes, under 5's aren't expected to social distance. So you weren't doing anything "wrong"
Your friend does seem overly anxious, above being sensibly cautious, it could be worth a chat, more along the lines of, "is it just covid making you anxious, or are you finding yourself very anxious in general, cos there is a condition called postnatal anxiety, different to postnatal depression

[saraclara]

@exaltedwombat

Interesting that the general opinion seems to be that anyone who actually obeys the regulations is being over-anxious.

No. There are no regulations (or even guidance) about touching a blanket or any other object. There are no regulations about not allowing someone else's property touch the basket of your pram.

That's where we're seeing anxiety.

[upsidedownwavylegs]

@exaltedwombat

Interesting that the general opinion seems to be that anyone who actually obeys the regulations is being over-anxious.

I don’t think OP’s friend sounds anxious. I think she sounds attention-seeking and bossy.

[SallyB392]

I'm with you on this OP, probably 10 times worse in fact, I am forever forgetting to stay 2 metres apart, or is it the other person gets closer to me.

Do you get my gist? How can this friend of yours know it's you getting closer and not her?

[momtoboys]

That sounds like an awful day. Your friend must be exhausted from worrying.

[Localocal]

Yes, you would be unreasonable to tell your friend her behaviour was odd. Some people have a lower risk tolerance than others even without Covid and even without a new baby. Covid has made a lot of people even more anxious and new mothers are very often extremely anxious about protecting their babies. It's all normal, as is your more relaxed position. She doesn't have to be wrong for you to be right. She is just not willing to accept any risk of her baby contracting Covid, which is her right as a mother.

I expect she has been isolating scrupulously and really enjoyed being out with a friend, even if you didn't. If you care about her and you think she could use the outing, I would do it again. Try to be respectful of what she is comfortable with - it's not a criticism of you personally, even if you don't share her sense of the boundaries.

Maybe meet there next time instead of walking together, and be sure to be ready to keep your stuff separate. It's not that much to ask.

[Shona52]

She could have a vulnerable person in her family and or just very anxious. I know I’m really really careful as my father is going through cancer treatment and not meet up with any friends since the start of the year.

Maybe try and have a light chat about it and if you can’t agree on things leaving meeting up for now

[Stompythedinosaur]

I think she was fairly reasonable about the social distancing tbh, I would find it stressful being out without who kept coming too close.

The blanket was a bit extreme though.

I agree it's best to leave thjngs for now though.