Guess this years John Lewis advert

[Tellmetruth4]

A friend WhatsApped me the following which made me PMSL. I don’t think it will end up being too far from the truth:

‘Absolutely dreading the John Lewis Christmas advert this year. Probably a cover of Fix You by a children’s choir, singing to all their nan’s via Zoom while they stand on their doorsteps freezing their tits off to clap for the NHS in the 4th lockdown of the year’.

What do you think this years JL Christmas advert will be?

I've got it!!!
The story starts with "Colin" staring sadly out at the big wide world. He longs to see it but doesn't know how it could ever be possible. That is until.... his best friends (and host) Splutter the bat and Hackingcough the pangolin hatch a plan that enables him to do just that. But will he be able to jump the species barrier? From the wet markets of Wuhan to the hallowed halls of whitehall this heartwarming tale will teach us all this christmas about determination, zoonatic transmission of novel pathogens, friendship and that even the smallest amongst us can make a big difference in the world.
*cuddly Colin the coronavirus, Splutter and Hackingcough toys available from November 1st.

I'm not sure if the soundtrack would be Gal Gadot singing Imagine (as if we haven't suffered enough) or Titania breathyfemalesinger covering "its a wonderful world" by Louis Armstrong.

Song is Green Day, Dookie

Advert opens with a 17 year old teenager and a montage of their attempts to isolate themselves from their family’s attempts to involve them in a chintzy version of a JL family Christmas.

After snapping “get lost” at younger sibling, teen looks sad and thoughtful, gets out laptop types “family board games” into the search box on the JL website.

Doorbell rings and family excitedly open whichever family board game have agreed to pay JL the highest royalties. Teen watches with a smile from the stairs.

Close up of family playing board game together. Camera pans out and teen is not there. Cut to teen in bedroom.

Cue chorus of Green Day’s Dookie as teen collapses back onto bed...

Bite my lip and close my eyes
Take me away to paradise...

Got it yesterday. It's very boring!

[quote yetanothernamitynamechange]I found this on t'internet. Not sure its legit though...

[/quote]

@TheSockMonster yes, but it needs to be sung very slowly and breathlessly by some woman who sounds on the verge of blowing away in the breeze.

@yetanothernamitynamechange

Of course, goes without saying

@ivfbeenbusy

It will definitely involve

Song - we'll meet again
Zoom/Skype or whoever has slipped JL the most money
Sad grandparents
NHS worker
It will use people's own footage because JL doesn't have the millions it usually does to spend on the advert

You forgot Captain Tom with his tinsel- covered walking frame.

No, song will be "Dancing with tears in my eyes" while Granny and Grandad dance alone together until they get the JL laptop then they have something more upbeat whilst they dance with the grandchildren over zoom

Captain Tom with his tinsel- covered walking frame

Oh God, I bet they’re already in talks with him, aren’t they?!

I would like to go the opposite direction, and vote for a cover of 'Nasty girl - NotoriousBIG et al' by arctic monkeys.

It would feature nhs heros, care home assistants and checkout worker ladies putting up poles (sold by JL)in their living rooms and gyrating around them in their brand new (JL) dressing gowns.

The whole family watch rapt in their new cashmere jumpers, and nana uses her new iPad (with zoom connectivity) as a base to cut up her lines of cocaine.

I reckon it's defo going to be NHS rainbow smaltz. Because we're in this together. Cynically Probable nod to BLM too because it's 2020 and they dare not.

With JL and Waitrose partners front and centre because let's face it, they are a lot cheaper than Elton.

They just blew the budget on the autumn ad. l_

@Al1Langdownthecleghole I like that in JohnLewis-land parents eyes light up with suprise and excitement when they realise they are going to be watching a play put on by their children. Not mild horror/fake suprise and resignation to the fact in 10 minutes they are going to be dealing with the tantrums and inevitable "creative differences" when one child wants to do a serious show and the other wants to be a monster and stamp on everything
(bitter memories)

@Lollyneenah is the cocaine also sold by John Lewis? (in which case they could change their tagline to "never knowingly undersold (because we find out who's been undercutting us and deal with them)")

About the lovely wonderful delivery drivers having a mince pie and sherry at 10pm on Xmas Leave and going back to their (diverse but not poor ) happy families

Well I saw this on twitter today. Could be a joke...

Gimme a break. I want snow, robins, Santa, Christmas trees, snowmen...

@yetanothernamitynamechange
My apologies it's actually a cocaine laced Gin liquor.

@Tellmetruth4

A friend WhatsApped me the following which made me PMSL. I don’t think it will end up being too far from the truth:

‘Absolutely dreading the John Lewis Christmas advert this year. Probably a cover of Fix You by a children’s choir, singing to all their nan’s via Zoom while they stand on their doorsteps freezing their tits off to clap for the NHS in the 4th lockdown of the year’.

What do you think this years JL Christmas advert will be?

Probs families Skyping or on zoom leading up to Christmas showing each other how they have decorated the house then Christmas morning comes watching people open presents and people getting stuff off door steps while waving to the person that's 2 meters from the door then Christmas dinner the laptop/ iPad sat at the table in the place of where they would sit them eating their dinner with the people on zoom it ends with someone crying (most are emotional) and saying how it isn't forever and it will be back to normal

@Tellmetruth4

A friend WhatsApped me the following which made me PMSL. I don’t think it will end up being too far from the truth:

‘Absolutely dreading the John Lewis Christmas advert this year. Probably a cover of Fix You by a children’s choir, singing to all their nan’s via Zoom while they stand on their doorsteps freezing their tits off to clap for the NHS in the 4th lockdown of the year’.

What do you think this years JL Christmas advert will be?

Or it might be about the NHS about all the doctors and nurses and what they are going to be doing at Christmas

Well I've seen a casting call for John Lewis for couples in same sex relationships with a child/children under 2 years old.
So although I don't know what exactly the theme will be I just thought that was interesting and it will probably be more family based (maybe to do with covid /lockdown?)

That Autumn ad sucks as it does not show the huge amount of drink the parents will have been downing in order to get through their pfbs' ''show''.
Having used muppet theme tune though, all those saying they'll use rainbow connection, do you think they got 2 for 1?!

rainbow connection if tweet legit could be Covid nod + LGBT families Brucie bonus.

at these. Two minutes of screaming!

Did occur to me the other day that the JL advert with the woman growing from baby to old lady set to ‘She’s always a woman’ By Fyfe something (always made me cry) wouldn’t be allowed to be made these days..

@SerenityNowwwww

Well I saw this on twitter today. Could be a joke...

Gimme a break. I want snow, robins, Santa, Christmas trees, snowmen...

It's a bit late to be filming the ad now and also that casting call is very unprofessional and has spelling mistakes, so no.

@TwizzledTurkey

Well I've seen a casting call for John Lewis for couples in same sex relationships with a child/children under 2 years old. So although I don't know what exactly the theme will be I just thought that was interesting and it will probably be more family based (maybe to do with covid /lockdown?)

You saw it too? I posted a shot of it earlier. Don’t forget the non binary and trans couples... why does everything have to be a leason?