Guess this years John Lewis advert

[Tellmetruth4]

A friend WhatsApped me the following which made me PMSL. I don’t think it will end up being too far from the truth:

‘Absolutely dreading the John Lewis Christmas advert this year. Probably a cover of Fix You by a children’s choir, singing to all their nan’s via Zoom while they stand on their doorsteps freezing their tits off to clap for the NHS in the 4th lockdown of the year’.

What do you think this years JL Christmas advert will be?

ivfdreaming good point. They live in Lapland. Well not the penguins.....

The old guy on the moon gets a santa suit and because he has been shielding for years (whilst watching small girls in their bedrooms) he can deliver presents, but he hasn't got any.

The night watchman at JL will let him in and they will wrap presents together with some shmaltzy music (agree it may be a children's choir) he gets stopped by the police for not wearing a mask gives them hot chocolate and they help deliver presents to the children of key workers.

Nothing to add, but properly laughing out loud!
The thought of furloughed elves!

God, it will be schmaltzy AF.

Something about a product of theirs that will make everything better .

You lot are funny 😁

Another idea.

The music is 'we'll meet again' sung by a child.

A woman dressed in 1940s clothes is sitting down to a meal with 2 children in fair isle sleeveless jumpers. There is a picture of a man in uniform in a frame at a spare seat.

The caption is, "Christmas 1943" an air raid alarm goes off and they hurry to the shelter taking the meal with them, close up shows it is spam fritters, they forget the photo.

A shot of a soldier in Burma writing a letter is shown, the letter says, 'Happy Christmas'

They emerge to a bombed out house, the picture's glass is broken but the picture is still there.

The picture, through the magic of CGI ages, it's captain Tom, then it fades into the a scene of Captain Tom and his family tucking in to turkey.

Some sort of slogan about family being the real meaning of Xmas.

Just googled John Lewis Christmas advert 2020 and the Daily Star website - which is of course is the centre of all believable news reckons John Lewis bosses have already set their sights on having Colonel Tom Moore feature 🤣

This morning I feel like the advert will be a load of 20 year olds singing that Rage against the Machine song "fuck you I won't do as you tell me" whilst flouting all quarantine and lockdown rules 🤣🥳 merry fucking Christmas 🤣🤣

@Gancanny

It'll be something schmaltzy about how staying apart has brought us closer together.

I reckon family members/friends having lots of fun together. Lockdown hits and then it'll show them being sad and lonely because they're apart. There'll be a ring of the doorbell, oooh it's a package! What's inside? It's a laptop and now they're all eating Christmas dinner "together" via Zoom.

My money's on this. If not, you should be working for JL's ad company!

@LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett

Yep a warbly and almost unrecognisable cover of Zoom by Fat Larry's Band, accompanied by rainbows, clapping for the NHS, bulldog spirit innit. And then we close up on a tired NHS worker walking home in the rain. It's dark and a little damp. She walks past the rainbows, a small child waves to her, but she goes home alone (I'm channelling Ashley Jenson's bedsit scenes in Extras).

But then - THEN! - a courier comes with a laptop and Lo - there was light. Close up on lap top. Fade to 'and the-en-en, my whole wide world went zoooooooooooooooooooom.'

Fuck that actually has made me tear up!

And I'm one of the most cynical people I know. There is no hope!

FFS many of these ARE making me cry. What is wrong with me?!

Thank you for that, I was in danger of drowning in maudlin-ness for a minute there!

Oh God, they'll go for a weepy, something about loving people while social distancing.

When does the ad come out? End of November usually?

The muppets singing rainbow connection with key workers joining in.

They’ll be able to sell loads of muppet toys after, let’s face it there has to be a toy to go alongside the ad!

@ivfbeenbusy

Just googled John Lewis Christmas advert 2020 and the Daily Star website - which is of course is the centre of all believable news reckons John Lewis bosses have already set their sights on having Colonel Tom Moore feature 🤣

This morning I feel like the advert will be a load of 20 year olds singing that Rage against the Machine song "fuck you I won't do as you tell me" whilst flouting all quarantine and lockdown rules 🤣🥳 merry fucking Christmas 🤣🤣

Dear God no. Is he going to be lapping the country in a hazmat suit handing out corona tests and chocolate oranges ?

You can't have the Muppets. They are too busy advertising and eating crumpets.

• Family of mum, dad, young teen boy, and a couple of younger children
• mum and dad leave the house for key worker jobs
• young teen boy, messy bedroom, wakes up late, we see him generally malingering
• mum and dad come home exhausted, slightly crotchety dinner with everyone together, mum preps the turkey
• mum and dad fall asleep in front of the telly.
• early hours of Christmas morning, teen stops playing [insert computer game of choice], realises parents still asleep in front of sofa and the younger children’s stockings aren’t done
• teen does the stockings, puts oven on, puts the turkey in, makes a cup of tea and takes it into his parents and gently wakes them
• closes to a voiceover of someone saying “not all gifts can be wrapped” (or similar)

@bookmum08

You can't have the Muppets. They are too busy advertising and eating crumpets.

Fair point!

Let Bobby de Niro do a Xmas ad to go with his bagel and Kia commercials - he needs the mula. Divorce is expensive.

@Gancanny

When does the ad come out? End of November usually?

Now there's no need to play dumn with us, we all know you know exactly when the ad comes out

Have they sent you your cheque yet.

I think they've cancelled the cheque.

M&S Christmas advert will feature an animated Percy Pig to cash in on all the tie-ins and the plushie pigs they've recently released.

JL are dead to me, dead I says. And they can stick their ad. Or maybe not make it for ££££ and give staff a bonus this year?

Soundtrack
"On the first day of Christmas"
Sang breathlessly by a lone chorister.

2 little partridges snuggled up in the snow.
One wraps its wings around the other.

In the distance a jolly shooting party appear, their breath all misty in the frosty air.

Lo it is Boris and Hancock and Cummings and a few others (certainly more than 6).

They raise their rifles and the birds cower.

Then out of nowhere appears the NHS spitfires that drops a huge incendiary bomb on them.

The music changes to "all I want for Christmas" and the partridges dance with a gang of NHS staff.

How about a breathy version of ‘Another brick in the wall’ featuring children being turned away from closed schools and gcse and a-level results being turned away from colleges and universities. Complete with the slogan ‘children of 2020 - knowingly undersold’

100% singing Christmas carols on doorsteps