Guess this years John Lewis advert

[Tellmetruth4]

A friend WhatsApped me the following which made me PMSL. I don’t think it will end up being too far from the truth:

‘Absolutely dreading the John Lewis Christmas advert this year. Probably a cover of Fix You by a children’s choir, singing to all their nan’s via Zoom while they stand on their doorsteps freezing their tits off to clap for the NHS in the 4th lockdown of the year’.

What do you think this years JL Christmas advert will be?

Elderly woman shuffling around a shop, empty basket in hand staring at empty Baking aisles, The camera focuses on the flour shelves, empty of course. we watch her move from store to store, with Lewis Capaldi singing a melancholy version of sting and the police, don’t stand so close to me.
She returns home Alone, empty handed in the dark. She puts the kettle on ( whistling of course) when there is a knock at the door, she opens the door finds no one, looks left then right then down, a package awaits, she reads the label, it’s has only a picture of a rainbow on it. She brings it it, opens it to discover a bread maker. Bastards.

We'll see most of these things, but not for JL.

You're all forgetting the merch tie in - you can't have a stuffed NHS worker or a crocheted laptop. Needs a cute character they flog

Something around JL online and delivery.(Seeing as the shops are closed).

"Somewhere over the Rainbow"

Cameo appearance by Captain Tom.

@ivfbeenbusy

Father Christmas in jail for visiting multiple households on one night whilst also having a raised temperate, continuous cough and loss of taste/smell

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

This thread has really cheered me up

No mention of Peter Gabriel and Kate Bush?

Don't give up
You still have us
Don't give up
We don't need much of anything
Don't give up
'Cause somewhere there's a place
Where we belong

Poverty, homelessness, unemployment and despair.

You know there are some ad execs reading this and panicking because we’ve guessed and shat on all their best ideas..

scrappy
And there will be one or two who have just had a lightbulb moment and they're booking the PPE and loo rolls right now!

@HeyMicky it’ll be rainbow shit... rainbow shit everywhere

@Usernamenotavailabletryanother

Black screen with a soundtrack of someone screaming for two minutes solid, I reckon.

😂😂😂😂

@scrappydappydoo

You know there are some ad execs reading this and panicking because we’ve guessed and shat on all their best ideas..

It strange how happy this comment makes me

I wonder what that says about me?

vodselForDinner ooh I quite like the sound of your Star Wars style add.
What is mean though is there are some products that I actually don't know if you can buy there. Like books for example. Do they have a book department? So if the ad had a selection of books in a pile by the tree I would know that yes they do sell books. They need a snippet of products from each department. I wouldn't want to travel all the way to a branch to find out that there isn't even a book/computer games/manga/jigsaw department. I want to know what a shop sells before I go there. Not every product. But I know if I go to Whsmiths I can get books, stationary, board games, jigsaws, gift wrap and even the blimmin sellotape.
But if John Lewis want to get me too shop there I would like to know what different products (ie departments) they have. They are a department store after all.
Right I will go back under my Bah Humbug stone now....

An empty toy factory at the North Pole because the elves were furloughed until October

The penguins complaining because they had to work through furlough and don't feel appreciated

A fat Rudolph on a treadmill trying to lose that lockdown weight gain

Mrs Clause divorcing Father Christmas because he's driven her nuts working from home

@Slumcat

Elderly woman shuffling around a shop, empty basket in hand staring at empty Baking aisles, The camera focuses on the flour shelves, empty of course. we watch her move from store to store, with Lewis Capaldi singing a melancholy version of sting and the police, don’t stand so close to me. She returns home Alone, empty handed in the dark. She puts the kettle on ( whistling of course) when there is a knock at the door, she opens the door finds no one, looks left then right then down, a package awaits, she reads the label, it’s has only a picture of a rainbow on it. She brings it it, opens it to discover a bread maker. Bastards.

Brilliant!

I think I actually have it.

Man queueing up at quiet supermarket. Buys moderate amount of white toilet roll.
All good.

Next scene.
Lockdown.
Huge queue at supermarket.
Bare shelves.
He reaches for the last bale of white toilet paper but a little of woman beats him to it.
He lets her take it.
There’s some peach toilet rolls left, but he leaves them.

Montage of lots of trips to shops looking for white toilet paper.

Online searches for white toilet paper.

We see him in a back alley being offered some white toilet paper but he can’t bring himself to line the pockets of paper dealers so walks away.

He queues early mornings. He watches delivery vans arriving to restock his local store. He befriends all the shelf packers.

Christmas mornings his kids run downstairs and throw open the door.

It’s snowed!!

“Daddy, daddy. Snow!”, they shout.

But they’re not very bright children and it taken them a moment to realise that the ground isn’t covered in snow... it’s thousands of sheets of white toilet paper.

They make toilet paper balls and toilet paper angels as Harry Styles croons White Christmas.

Boris driving home on Christmas Eve, car full of presents for his 5/6/7 (delete as appropriate) children and food for the Christmas feast the next day. As he's driving he looks up at some lights in the sky.....he sees Santa's sleigh being driven by Chris Whitty, the sleigh swoops down, Boris swerves and crashes his car.....all set to the music of 'She blinded me with Science' by Thomas Dolby

@VodselForDinner

I think I actually have it.

Man queueing up at quiet supermarket. Buys moderate amount of white toilet roll.
All good.

Next scene.
Lockdown.
Huge queue at supermarket.
Bare shelves.
He reaches for the last bale of white toilet paper but a little of woman beats him to it.
He lets her take it.
There’s some peach toilet rolls left, but he leaves them.

Montage of lots of trips to shops looking for white toilet paper.

Online searches for white toilet paper.

We see him in a back alley being offered some white toilet paper but he can’t bring himself to line the pockets of paper dealers so walks away.

He queues early mornings. He watches delivery vans arriving to restock his local store. He befriends all the shelf packers.

Christmas mornings his kids run downstairs and throw open the door.

It’s snowed!!

“Daddy, daddy. Snow!”, they shout.

But they’re not very bright children and it taken them a moment to realise that the ground isn’t covered in snow... it’s thousands of sheets of white toilet paper.

They make toilet paper balls and toilet paper angels as Harry Styles croons White Christmas.

This is the one 😂

grandparents rushing round to each child's house to celebrate Christmas whilst keeping under 6
lots of smiles & opening presents & than eats Christmas Dinner
Than
rushes off to next house with next child & family lots of smiles opens presents & another Christmas Dinner
than
Crawls to next house
opens more bloody presents & Oh god another Christmas Dinner
(OK Plagiarism )

“Everything’s been a bit different this year...”

Witty self-mocking reference to previous ads eg sad dog, lonely hare having a swab shoved down her throat for the 10th time, Moon clapping NHS workers...

“But some things stay the same...”

Nans on zoom watching grandkids’ antics, hardworking nurse doing something tear-jerking, cat climbs Christmas tree in hilarious cuteness, Santa’s sleigh pulled by socially distant reindeer, etc.

Cut to heap of presents all bought online from JL.

Song will be breathy cover of Gotta Get Through This.

As long as, by the time Christmas comes around, the most appropriate breathy song isn’t The Drugs Don’t Work, then I’m ok with any of these tbh.

ivfbeenbusy
Penguins don't live at the North Poll.....

This is hilarious!

This

@TapingTheTop40

Song will be we’ll meet again by Vera Lynn

And will be sad grannies staring through a rainy window thinking that they won’t see their family every again until technology (queue products JL sells) brings them back together.

100% spot on!!!!!

These are amazing and I want to see every single one!

I do remember one year Waitrose donated their Christmas ad money to charity and just did something really simple. That might be a nice gesture this year...