DSS pregnant girlfriend

[19claire88]

Not sure is a AIBU but here we go.

My DSS girlfriend could possibly be pregnant she’s 14 he’s 16. The mother of the girlfriend is a friend to me has been for the last 9 months so it’s a new friendship not bothered about losing it tbh.

It complicates further when she calls yesterday morning to say daughter possibly pregnant we’re keeping it a secret no one is to know. Which is fine her body her choice mother is pushing for an abortion.

My only concern is that by keeping this such a secret and not telling DSS mother or father about this is we possibly risk doing this all over again cause clearly those kids are able to take safe precautions. Mother hasn’t provided contraception and DSS has contraception. We asked him if they were having sex flat out denied it. Sex talk given anyway.

Mother is saying it remains a secret due to how her husband will react.

I’m disgusted with both of them don’t want to engage in the cover up of their mistake, having this information has eaten away at me.

I feel 1 parent of DSS needs to know so they can appropriately deal with DSS cause daughters mother is still having him stay overnight, days out are being planned life goes on normally. Mother is totally burying her head in the sand about the seriousness of this and I’m expected to lie to girlfriends father, DSS mother and father.

We don’t agree with the overnight stays but the whole family are very overwhelming and DSS just does what they say. He’s like a puppet on a string.

Would I be unreasonable to tell at least one parent of DSS, so they can deal with this. DSS was the result of a teen pregnancy so I know his mother will handle this correctly in my eyes as opposed to girlfriends mother who is just ignoring the seriousness of the situation.

It's not a massive betrayal of trust; it's showing loyalty to your partner and his child. The woman sounds fucking batshit.
Never mind waiting for a child to answer calls, someone needs to go round and get him and bring him home. No child of mine would be left in that situation; they know I'm their backstop. If his parents aren't up to strong parenting, SS needs to get involved. This is every shade of fucked up.

What's the daughter like?

This woman really does sound odd. She may even be telling her dd the test was positive and if she has a period, she will say it's a miscarriage, she seems keen for attention and drama.

Surely if she wanted to confide in a friend any other friend would be better than the stepmother of the boy who's involved.

I genuinely think school should be informed at a minimum, this woman is failing her daughter on every level, and expects all of the adults she weirdly brags to, to keep the secrets.

New update she’s now rang my close friend and disclosed the info about the possible pregnancy i feel like this is a test wondering if we have talked. Adding to the drama. Friend has also said his parents need to know so hopefully she’ll see some sense and pull her head out her arse before I go telling

Jesus SS will NOT be informed if a 14 year old has an abortion - and under 16’s can consent otherwise teenage sexual health workers would be illegal - under 12’s can not consent the rest is less cut and dried - 14-16 it would generally not be of huge interest to the police unless there where other factors

It is a safeguarding issue due to the coercive behaviour of her family and his parents inability to parent

so it’s a new friendship not bothered about losing it tbh.

You lost me at hello.

The daughter is very doted on can do no wrong, is still very child like in her manner. Won’t lift a finger to help around the home and is very babied. She doesn’t like me because I won’t take that type of behaviour in my home and has actually fallen out with me due to going to the shop and not asking if she wanted anything 🙄

@LagunaBubbles in the eyes of the law he is a pedophile. 16 is the legal age of consent. He slept with an underage child, ergo pedophile.

You need to speak to your husband now!

Word is getting around, eventually he's going to find out from someone else and feel utterly betrayed that you knew and kept this from him.

And the OPs updates on how child like and babyish make it even worse, the 16 year old had sex with a babyish 14 year old...

She's a friend
No she is not or she wouldn't put you in this position but she also wouldn't be inappropriately inserting herself in your relationship with your dss. Even if the daughter isn't pregnant and a tenner says she's not distance yourself from this lunatic woman

You need better friends OP.

You’ve hit the nail on the head no one parents these kids I’m very strict and don’t allow my children to do many things. Which is where we differ.

The girl's family set up does seem odd but I think you have also involved yourself too much though told unwillingly of the situation. It is fine to over analyse but action should be from a parent. Tell your partner and let him take over. You need to step back.

@BoggledBudgie

LagunaBubblesin the eyes of the law he is a pedophile. 16 is the legal age of consent. He slept with an underage child, ergo pedophile

You are so wrong.

This is crazy. Why are you waiting, they are both children. Tell his parents, right now, don't wait until tonight.
Should they even be mixing households as of today? Go round and get him and bring him home/take him home to his mum. Why are you being so wet about the whole situation? Sorry to be harsh, but you need to step up

I lost my cherry at 14 so I can't shout too loudly ( altho I didn't get pregnant ) but IMHO a termination is the best solution. If she can effect that quickly and without fuss then I don't see that anybody else needs to know.

I’m scared that I’ll be thrown under the bus I don’t trust this women right now. She seems to be unhinged right at the minute.

I needed the harshness I needed someone to give me the kick up the arse. The truth will come out later on today.

There’s a lot of manufactured drama here.

Ring your partner, tell him the GF’s mother suspects the child is pregnant but you don’t know the truth of it, and that the SS is spending an unhealthy amount of time at their house.

Then back away and let his parents deal with whatever is actually going on.

This boy’s life isn’t a soap opera for the GF’s mother to star in.

Well done OP. It's shit that you are having to be his backstop rather than his own bloody parents but you could just be saving him from a lot of grief.

yes, it is absolutely your responsibility to tell all parents involved. Being secretive and brushing things under the rug is exactly how things like this happen.
Poor, poor child, I feel for her going through the trauma of an unwanted pregnancy at just 14. I went through mine at 25 and it was bad enough then!
She is below the age of consent and he is above it, I have a feeling there are some legal implications here. Overnight stays should be stopped, and don't let your DSS get away without taking responsibility for his actions, he is still a child but nobody made him have sex with his underage girlfriend. He's not a puppet on a string so don't treat him as if he had no choice but to knock her up.

You need to get your stepson’s parents involved immediately, this morning. Something very odd is going on with this girl’s mother.

The saga of the pregnancy tests suggests something odd which is unlikely to be beneficial for your stepson.

The girl could be pregnant by your DSS, it’s true.

Or she’s not pregnant but the mother is trying to tie your DSS to her family for some reason, which is very suspicious.

Or the girl could be pregnant by someone else (which would be revealed if the pregnancy tests you bought are the digital kind which say how far along you are) but trying to make your DSS believe he’s the father.

She might even be pregnant as the result of abuse by her own father, of whom everyone is frightened, and her mother is using the relationship with your son as a way to cover it up, given how unreasonable and abnormal her behaviour is. Given the secrecy, anything is possible.

This isn’t yours to handle, and it can’t wait. One or other parent needs to intervene now. Make that your priority as it’s the best way to ensure your DSS is helped through this very concerning situation.

@19claire88

New update she’s now rang my close friend and disclosed the info about the possible pregnancy i feel like this is a test wondering if we have talked. Adding to the drama. Friend has also said his parents need to know so hopefully she’ll see some sense and pull her head out her arse before I go telling

As if by magic.

She’s stirring and creating drama. She’s hoping someone will tell mum and dad before you do.

Get on the phone to them both NOW. Before they hear from another source. Because if they do then you’re really going to be the bad guy.

@WhatWouldJKRDo

There’s a lot of manufactured drama here.

Ring your partner, tell him the GF’s mother suspects the child is pregnant but you don’t know the truth of it, and that the SS is spending an unhealthy amount of time at their house.

Then back away and let his parents deal with whatever is actually going on.

This boy’s life isn’t a soap opera for the GF’s mother to star in.

This!

If you’ve got text messages from either your DSS or batshit crazy friend forward them on to his dad now

The mother is escalating. You can't wait any longer. Call your DH now, or if you can't reach him you need to call DSS's mum.