DSS pregnant girlfriend

[19claire88]

Not sure is a AIBU but here we go.

My DSS girlfriend could possibly be pregnant she’s 14 he’s 16. The mother of the girlfriend is a friend to me has been for the last 9 months so it’s a new friendship not bothered about losing it tbh.

It complicates further when she calls yesterday morning to say daughter possibly pregnant we’re keeping it a secret no one is to know. Which is fine her body her choice mother is pushing for an abortion.

My only concern is that by keeping this such a secret and not telling DSS mother or father about this is we possibly risk doing this all over again cause clearly those kids are able to take safe precautions. Mother hasn’t provided contraception and DSS has contraception. We asked him if they were having sex flat out denied it. Sex talk given anyway.

Mother is saying it remains a secret due to how her husband will react.

I’m disgusted with both of them don’t want to engage in the cover up of their mistake, having this information has eaten away at me.

I feel 1 parent of DSS needs to know so they can appropriately deal with DSS cause daughters mother is still having him stay overnight, days out are being planned life goes on normally. Mother is totally burying her head in the sand about the seriousness of this and I’m expected to lie to girlfriends father, DSS mother and father.

We don’t agree with the overnight stays but the whole family are very overwhelming and DSS just does what they say. He’s like a puppet on a string.

Would I be unreasonable to tell at least one parent of DSS, so they can deal with this. DSS was the result of a teen pregnancy so I know his mother will handle this correctly in my eyes as opposed to girlfriends mother who is just ignoring the seriousness of the situation.

Gutted disappointed in himself & SS, we have asked so many times if they were having sex and he kept saying no got the talk anyway and he’s clearly ignored it. Annoyed that’s the mother has allowed this to happen and not inform either one of us. Theirs a lot of emotions involved in all of this sad, angry, disappointed the list goes on but it also comes down to SS not listening and being respectful he him self was the product of a teenage pregnancy so he knows how hard his mum struggled. Atm for me I’ve lost all respect for him due to him thinking I would lie can’t really look at him without being resentful which is so wrong and makes me question whether I’m willing to now play a role in his life.

As silly as this seems SS is avoiding me and he’s not spoke properly to his father and I think the wait is more agonising for him knowing he should have come clean when given the choice. He knows Friday is the day he will be confronted with his dishonesty I think it’s eating him up inside knowing it’s coming.

Sorry, did she actually prove the pregnancy to be genuine then?

Has the pregnancy been confirmed?

You need to know if this girl is actually pregnant. If she is your SS is in a barrel of shit, yes. But if she isn't thank goodness you've got time to intervene to prevent a pregnancy happening.

There's way too much going on. You just need to know if she is pregnant or not. Everything else is moot until then really. You don't know anything else for certain.

Can he not get serious trouble for for having sex with a child? (I know he is still a child but is it not the law. Dont want to be a classes as a sex offender at 16)

Oh god so many typos there sorry

Isn’t this rape? She’s too young to consent

I thought I had posted a message about the suspected pregnancy, my mind is all over the place. A 3rd test has been taken and it’s a negative I’ve not seen this as prove. I have a feeling they wanted a positive. This whole scenario which is what I’m calling it doesn’t make sense. 3 tests all different answers, so still none the wiser and now no contact from anyone, I’m withdrawing myself from the situation now. I feel as this develops I’ll be the scapegoat

I thought in the legal sense of things it would have been something but from reading posts it would seem not morally to me it wrong because of the ages involved and the level of involvement from the parents actively encouraging it

Massive problem.
The boys 16.
Hes broken the law.

I'd personally report it.

@19claire88

I said he’s basically as pedophile and the mother said I was over reacting 😡😡

That is an overreaction and entirely not helpful.

She's not pregnant

The family are bizarre. Not idea what they hope to gain from creating this situation.

Your DP and SS's mum need to parent. He needs to run a mile from this family.

I think the girl is likely doing all this for the attention tbh. Which probably indicates deeper mental health issues or problems at home. It's important that your SS does not feel himself responsible for her mental health and happiness.

Also, if this is a false alarm it's likely she'll actively try to get pregnant in the coming months, so it's vital that he does not leave birth control up to her. It's not up to you to have this conversation with him, as you've rightly said, but I'd put this across to your DP.

So, it's still not confirmed if she is pregnant for definite? I see this as a massive attention seeking for whatever reason (maybe to try and bring the boy closer to her/her family?).

Also, if this is a false alarm it's likely she'll actively try to get pregnant in the coming months, so it's vital that he does not leave birth control up to her.

This.

If anyone is reported to ss, I think it should be the mother. Can you imagine enabling your 14-year-old dd to have sex?! Nay, encouraging it

Reminds me of a school friend when we were 15, who went to a new boyfriend’s house and the dm casually mentioned she’d made up the double bed for them. Friend was aghast and was a bit traumatised by the creepy mother.

I’ve had no contact from family, DP has the the girls father is completely unaware of the situation and I’m really not comfortable with it.

I have a feeling this girl is gonna try and get pregnant Over the next few months and this was a test to see how every one would react.

I still don’t know if she pregnant or not and from now on I really don’t want to know any more info it’s now up to SS parents obviously I support DP and SS where I can but the parents now need to step up and take back control.

She's not pregnant she's a drama llama as is her mother. I hope your DH can talk some sense into SS about how this behaviour is not normal and what his future potentially looks like if he stays with her.

I feel that the future will be having a baby very young and potentially trapping each other in a relationship. And then having crazy controlling in laws. I wish there was a way to split them up but I think trying this method will result in pushing SS closer to the family and potentially losing him to them permanently.

Has anyone spoken to ss? Pointed out to him the legal ramifications of him being sexually active with someone younger than him?

When he came to mine with the girlfriends mother I tried to point out this, I’m not sure what other conversations have happened. I’m trying to remain supportive without treading on toes so when I get given info I’m not asking to many questions if that makes sense. I don’t want to come across as they’ve done the wrong thing for SS.

My opinion is to tell him to the relationship at the level it’s going is inappropriate for the ages given I’m not sure of SS mother opinion and DP is getting my points but also saying he’s 16 what can we do if he wants to walk out the door how do we stop him, and I feel by suddenly stopping him we push him further towards the family

So to the people that thought I would get through under the bus I did, I’ve received a lot of the blame for this secret. SS is no longer welcome in my home he and girlfriend have taken to sending me messages via fake insta accounts. And have really affected my mental health with the nastiest they displayed. DP is standing by me with this decision I think it will probably destroy the relationship in the long run but I need to protect myself and my children and SS is included in that from a controlling family. And my children’s safeguarding team will be contacting the girls school as well with my concerns about the whole situation. Girls father doesn’t know and still believes we are friends.

Oh @19claire88 I’m sorry to hear this.

OP no reason at all why you should be getting the blame for anything. You weren't the one having sex. You haven't got someone pregnant. His dad is well within his rights to ask his teenage son about him sleeping with an underage child. Yes to putting yourself and your children first. If SS thinks he is old enough to have sex then he's own enough to deal with the consequences himself, without you or his dad.