DSS pregnant girlfriend

[19claire88]

Not sure is a AIBU but here we go.

My DSS girlfriend could possibly be pregnant she’s 14 he’s 16. The mother of the girlfriend is a friend to me has been for the last 9 months so it’s a new friendship not bothered about losing it tbh.

It complicates further when she calls yesterday morning to say daughter possibly pregnant we’re keeping it a secret no one is to know. Which is fine her body her choice mother is pushing for an abortion.

My only concern is that by keeping this such a secret and not telling DSS mother or father about this is we possibly risk doing this all over again cause clearly those kids are able to take safe precautions. Mother hasn’t provided contraception and DSS has contraception. We asked him if they were having sex flat out denied it. Sex talk given anyway.

Mother is saying it remains a secret due to how her husband will react.

I’m disgusted with both of them don’t want to engage in the cover up of their mistake, having this information has eaten away at me.

I feel 1 parent of DSS needs to know so they can appropriately deal with DSS cause daughters mother is still having him stay overnight, days out are being planned life goes on normally. Mother is totally burying her head in the sand about the seriousness of this and I’m expected to lie to girlfriends father, DSS mother and father.

We don’t agree with the overnight stays but the whole family are very overwhelming and DSS just does what they say. He’s like a puppet on a string.

Would I be unreasonable to tell at least one parent of DSS, so they can deal with this. DSS was the result of a teen pregnancy so I know his mother will handle this correctly in my eyes as opposed to girlfriends mother who is just ignoring the seriousness of the situation.

My worry is that be keeping this from a parent we risk this happening again because the consequence has been minimal and the DSS still gets to do as he likes when in their company.

Are you actually in a relationship with his father? 🤦🏻‍♀️

You cannot not tell him this if that is the case. If it’s all over otoh as you seem to not be considering him then I’d butt right out

Yes he knows about it not sure of his feelings as I’ve not been able to speak to him without the girls mother coming round with him and she does all the talking.

Surely you need to get confirmation that this girl is actually pregnant.

These messages on here about ‘paedophile‘ are disgusting. He is a 16 year old CHILD, who is in a relationship with a 14 year old. This is not uncommon for teenagers. He is not paedophile.

The comments also about statutory rape are misinformed as well.
In the U.K, statutory rape is when intercourse takes place with a person under 13. A person under the age of 13 is unable to consent.
The teenagers involved are 14 and 16, the police would look and assess whether both teenagers are ‘gillick competent’ and understand what consent is and did both teenagers consent in this relationship.
Honestly, if the police were prosecuting every teenager between the age of 14 and 16 for having a sexual relationship, they would be overrun.

However, I do agree with other posters than his parents needs to know. He also needs to be spending less time at his girlfriends house and they both need educating around sexual health and how to keep themselves safe!

The missing and wrong tests sound a bit odd too. If this was me I'd buy a digital test and ask them to take it and see the results before I did anything more.

Say that sometimes you can get false positives so you don't want everyone to be worried for no reason. Lay it on thick with her mum. Etc

I am with his Dad he works away Monday to Friday, so he’s not here currently to deal with this. I wish I hadn’t been told but the girlfriends mother said she needs a friend to confine in, clearly as the boys stepmother she made a massive mistake.

How can she be only possibly pregnant? If her period is late, then a pregnancy test should tell her definitely either way, surely?

There seems to be something really unwholesome going on here (not so much even them having sex, which is terrible, but the whole family dynamic and keeping of the boy from his family),and there is no way I'd be keeping this secret.

Yesterday I brought a digital test and the girl messed it up so I’ve got another one here which she refused to take

I’m saying possible because I’ve not seen prove I’ve only got what I’ve been told

I think there's a fairly good chance the girl isn't pregnant at all.

What PenguinIce said
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Today 07:43 PenguinIce

Send a text to DSS stating you will be telling both his parents on Friday night when his dad returns. In the meantime suggest that he goes back to his mums and stays there (offer to go and get him from the girlfriends if he wants). If he refuses tell his mum straightaway and both of you go round and get him.
Keep any messages from the girlfriends mother that proves she knew they were sleeping together under her roof.
It sounds like your dss is being a bit manipulated and that the girlfriends mother is for some reason enjoying the drama. Your dss probably wants someone to help and take control. What he is saying in front of the girlfriends mother is probably not how he is really feeling, he is probably petrified of the situation he has got himself into.”

Doesn't it seem a bit odd to you that this woman is saying "I suspect my 14 year old is pregnant but she won't take another test so I guess we'll never know. Ps. Don't tell anyone."

You can obviously take a pregnancy test wrong, but that's not an easy thing to do. It's weird that there's no sense of urgency here.

OP, your gut is exactly right on this. It is a serious safeguarding issue for both the girl and the DSS and should be treated as such. Pregnancy or no pregnancy, and atm you have to assume there is one, both the girl and the DSS are in a very unhealthy situation indeed and somebody needs to step up.

The girl’s mother is behaving very irresponsibly at best, and I’m afraid if SS were to become involved they would not be looking at the situation very favourably.

It sounds like your dss is being a bit manipulated and that the girlfriends mother is for some reason enjoying the drama

Absolutely this.

If I was that girl's mother, I'm not sure I'd want the boy in the house, at least until the dust had settled.

I would tell your DH but beyond that it is none of your business, sadly.
Your DSS is not a paedophile. And it's the girl's choice who knows regardless of the circumstances. Her mother has put you in an awful position.

I would say the mother is enjoying the control she has, when I 1st stated that I was telling his father on Friday when he’s home to deal with this her 1st response was he’ll drink him to death, I don’t know what he’s like. So there was a bit of control and blackmail?? I feel from her end.

I think sending him a message stating that is the best way to go, and will type something up to him ASAP.

She could very well be late but going by the test she took Sunday it would suggest otherwise

His social circle will most likely say this which is what I was trying to put across they find it weird he’s with such a young girl when there all 16-17

Jesus Christ. Your DH needs to be going round there and dragging his son out. Why are these weird people being allowed to have control over him? We're about to be locked down. Do it now and make him stay at home throughout. Hopefully he'll gain a bit of insight into what is going on. Who is parenting this child?

...and OP, the responsibility is not yours, he has two parents. What a crazy situation. I suspect he'll eventually thanks whoever steps in and steps up for him.

In all honesty I would be getting SS involved. She is allowing her underage daughter to have sex, in fact she is encouraging it. It also sounds like she wants her to be pregnant. She is absolutely failing to keep her daughter safe.

I would get as many messages as possible to confirm what's happening and report. I would also be telling the school the situation and I definitely would be telling his parents.

This woman needs to know that this isnt on at all, what the fuck is she playing at.

Hes 16 so theres very little you can do with him as he could leave home (and go there by the sounds of it) but this womans daughter is only 14.

I feel really sorry for the daughter.

The girlfriends father can be aggressive and angry so I get the mother need for wanting this to be kept quiet

Is there a risk that the GF's father might get aggressive to your DSS? If that's the case, I wonder if that risk could be used to persuade your DSS to stay away.

It really sounds like a very unhealthy environment. I feel sorry for both the kids, tbh.

I feel really sorry for both kids. They are both getting caught up in some really weird and damaging situation.

In all honesty OP, if I was you I would tell your DP/H, then I would have a conversation with him about informing SS of what is going on in that house. Imagine what the girl is going through atm. Either she is pregnant and it needs to be dealt with, or she is not pregnant and the mother is acting out some fucked up drama on her 14 year old DD and your 16 year old DSS. Either way this is a very harmful situation for both kids involved and the mother seems intent on god knows what. Some serious support is needed for this family by the sounds of it.

Tell both parents

The mother/your friend sounds insane, do not telling her anything, do not trust her, do not plant pedophile thoughts in her head because it's clear as day this woman is TROUBLE!!

I bet there is no pregnancy but the mother would love it/the drama of it. This woman has no boundaries. Showing up at your door with your dss and taking him away - drama queen with no boundaries klaxon

I don’t think she’s pregnant either. Or maybe someone else is the father? I don’t know any mother of a pregnant teen who would keep encouraging the relationship, especially if she wants the daughter to have an abortion. It doesn’t add up and the girl’s mother is behaving very strangely.

A 14yr old girl does not need a boyfriend in the first place, but as you think they’re sleeping together, I’d talk to the boys parents about putting a stop to the relationship, as it sounds very unhealthy and controlling by the girl's mother.

to be