DSS pregnant girlfriend

[19claire88]

Not sure is a AIBU but here we go.

My DSS girlfriend could possibly be pregnant she’s 14 he’s 16. The mother of the girlfriend is a friend to me has been for the last 9 months so it’s a new friendship not bothered about losing it tbh.

It complicates further when she calls yesterday morning to say daughter possibly pregnant we’re keeping it a secret no one is to know. Which is fine her body her choice mother is pushing for an abortion.

My only concern is that by keeping this such a secret and not telling DSS mother or father about this is we possibly risk doing this all over again cause clearly those kids are able to take safe precautions. Mother hasn’t provided contraception and DSS has contraception. We asked him if they were having sex flat out denied it. Sex talk given anyway.

Mother is saying it remains a secret due to how her husband will react.

I’m disgusted with both of them don’t want to engage in the cover up of their mistake, having this information has eaten away at me.

I feel 1 parent of DSS needs to know so they can appropriately deal with DSS cause daughters mother is still having him stay overnight, days out are being planned life goes on normally. Mother is totally burying her head in the sand about the seriousness of this and I’m expected to lie to girlfriends father, DSS mother and father.

We don’t agree with the overnight stays but the whole family are very overwhelming and DSS just does what they say. He’s like a puppet on a string.

Would I be unreasonable to tell at least one parent of DSS, so they can deal with this. DSS was the result of a teen pregnancy so I know his mother will handle this correctly in my eyes as opposed to girlfriends mother who is just ignoring the seriousness of the situation.

@KurriKawari thank you, SS has completely ruined his future in terms of being part of this family. He’s moaned about the lack of time he’s spent with his dad this weekend but in reality he’s spent all weekend at the girlfriends I’m completely done with the child the nasty insta messages has been the final straw.
My main concern is I feel he’s been groomed by the girlfriends mother in to this situation so I need to get some info on how to address this and pass it on to his parents.

I'm wondering why you're being painted as the bad guy here? How manipulated is your step son that he thinks you're in some way to blame?

Have you been able to talk to him? Or is it just going through his dad? I'm glad that your DH is sticking by you and not accepting this nastiness.

Her mother is really a nasty piece of work.

I think it is a mistake for you to close your (his) home to your SS. You have already recognized that he is being controlled and manipulated by his GF's family. As the adult in this situation it would be better for you to let him know that he always has his parent's and your support.

I would genuinely just phone social services.
At this point I doubt I’d even care if they knew it was me who reported this horrific situation. It’s not right, what this mother is doing, and you know that.

I would have thought that in the very immediate term, the first thing your boyfriend could have done to work on his son being controlled by this family, is leave work and come home the day you told him.

You are told that your 16 year old son’s 14 year old girlfriend is possibly pregnant, and the family are controlling and secretive, and the best he can do is, “wait til I get home at the end of the week?”

Unless he was a surgeon with a full schedule of life saving operations this week, I can’t think of many jobs where he shouldn’t have dropped everything in this case.

You can’t expect this boy to care much about has dad’s opinion if he takes 4 days to deliver it 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP now you essentially haven’t anything to lose why not call social services with your concerns re the GF. Her parents are encouraging their 14 year old to have sex and are neglecting her welfare. The notification must be followed up and the parents and daughter interviewed. Are there younger children who may be affected by the situation? Unlikely any amifications re SS in the circumstances because of his age but they will be concerned re the daughter.
If you request anonymity it will be granted but you really ought to disclose your relationship to Social services and your efforts to prevent this so they know how you are aware of the situation ie not just a nosy neighbour.
Good luck

So the girls mother lets them sleep together? If so she can be prosecuted herself for aiding and abetting unlawful intercourse.

Tell your DP straight away.

Where does your SS normally live? With his mother or with you and your partner? I agree that I would also be alerting social services.

The existence of the pregnancy is suspect in itself, as this mother seems unhinged in her determination to lock your SS down with her, and seems quite happy to use her underage daughter in her campaign. It's deeply unhealthy and suggests that the mother has as much interest in your SS as the daughter does.

Definitely tell his mother too - make sure she is fully up to speed. And report the family to social services. It's all really fishy.

Please think again about shutting your SS out of your home. You are making it harder for him to recover from this situation and he is still a child after all. I understand that you are angry and hurt, but the only way to fix this is by giving him an easy escape from the clutches of the madwoman.

Have we actually found out if this girl is pregnant yet?

Everything about this thread is so fucking depressing.

It is, isn't it. It is like something from Jeremy Kyle. I can't believe such people exist.

I think you handled the situation as best you could OP

The sons girlfriends mum seems batshit though and think you could all do with distancing from her and the family

IMO I don't think she's pregnant...yet...sounds like her and the mum could want her to be very soon

So I’ve left this thread for a few days to collect my thoughts. I’m shutting my SS out to protect myself and my children he was awful over the weekend him and his girlfriend sending me abusive message over social media so I’ve blocked and deleted the whole family. He came to stay Friday and wouldn’t even say hello to me for a child wanting me to keep such a secret I would have though acknowledging me would have been wise. My home me and my children have been massively disrespected over the last few weeks with his lack of respect and general rude behaviour. At the minute I really don’t like SS.

He’s probably ruined me and DPs future as the family in question are still trying to socialise with DP which I find to be really hurtful as in my eyes I did the right thing and I’m the one punished as it if that’s the correct term. My social life is nothing now and girlfriends mother carry’s on as normal.

I’ve spoken with my children’s school safeguarding leader and she’s contacted the girlfriends school safeguarding leader and they’ve made a report that way that went in Possibly Tuesday I think can’t recall the day. So it’s only a matter of time before it comes out.

This really has knocked my confidence I’ve gone from having friends to now me and my kids, and possibly the break down of my relationship it’s unforgivable. I fully support DP in doing activities with SS but atm I can’t see him myself because I’m so hurt at the fall out this has caused and how he’s watched me take the blame it’s cruel.

Apparently it was negative. So all this was for nothing I have a feeling this won’t be the last pregnancy scare only next time it will be real.

I’m so sad this is my life right now,no think it’s worse the Jeremy Kyle. We were a normal family until these people bulldozed there way into it. And I was so happy to have a friend I went along with it. It’s really pushed us all mentally and I’ve learnt a harsh lesson just need DP and SS to wise up before everything else collapses.

I wonder if the 14 yr old child faked the pregnancy scare all along?

Wasn't she the one who kept mucking it up?
Because she probably knew full well she wasn't pregnant.
She sounds manipulative as do her family.
They sound a nightmare.
So sorry you are suffering this.

That’s what I thought I can’t work out what they/she would get from it though other then to pull SS closer to them which it has worked and in turn DP as he still needs contact with SS and it’s there home he’s always at.

I can’t believe how the situation has landed on me being the one ostracised when I did the correct thing and spoke out. For an easy life I wish I had kept quiet but morally I couldn’t lie

As the saying goes OP, when people show you who they are believe them.

At the risk of being incredibly harsh, the concerns people had about DP’s reaction that fuelled a lot of the drama and that you didn’t seem to think you had to tell him says that little about this relationship has been normal.

You deserve better than these people.

No I 100% knew I have to tell him, the doubt came in when I the girlfriends mother said her daughter her choice. That’s why I started this thread I knew he needed to know never doubted that I was confused If that’s the correct term when the argument between me and the girlfriends mother escalated and she said her body her choice.

Also I think DP handled it better then I did I told him he cooled off and talked to SS in a calm manner. Nothing was said in the heat of the moment and a clear conversation was had.

But if that’s true then he knows you did nothing at all wrong

None of this a ‘normal’ relationship

Is this story now in the daily mail? It’s remarkably similar...