DSS pregnant girlfriend

[19claire88]

Not sure is a AIBU but here we go.

My DSS girlfriend could possibly be pregnant she’s 14 he’s 16. The mother of the girlfriend is a friend to me has been for the last 9 months so it’s a new friendship not bothered about losing it tbh.

It complicates further when she calls yesterday morning to say daughter possibly pregnant we’re keeping it a secret no one is to know. Which is fine her body her choice mother is pushing for an abortion.

My only concern is that by keeping this such a secret and not telling DSS mother or father about this is we possibly risk doing this all over again cause clearly those kids are able to take safe precautions. Mother hasn’t provided contraception and DSS has contraception. We asked him if they were having sex flat out denied it. Sex talk given anyway.

Mother is saying it remains a secret due to how her husband will react.

I’m disgusted with both of them don’t want to engage in the cover up of their mistake, having this information has eaten away at me.

I feel 1 parent of DSS needs to know so they can appropriately deal with DSS cause daughters mother is still having him stay overnight, days out are being planned life goes on normally. Mother is totally burying her head in the sand about the seriousness of this and I’m expected to lie to girlfriends father, DSS mother and father.

We don’t agree with the overnight stays but the whole family are very overwhelming and DSS just does what they say. He’s like a puppet on a string.

Would I be unreasonable to tell at least one parent of DSS, so they can deal with this. DSS was the result of a teen pregnancy so I know his mother will handle this correctly in my eyes as opposed to girlfriends mother who is just ignoring the seriousness of the situation.

You are about to be thrown under a double decker bus, she is no friend. Ring your DP now and tell them, then step back and let him and his ex deal with their DS.

Please do something as soon as possible. Unfortunately, I’ve seen three or four very unhealthy co-dependent situations where a “possible” pregnancy, even if an abortion was discussed and decided on, seemed to be an excuse to have sex unprotected in the meantime (“might as well, already pregnant”) and then a pregnancy that didn’t exist, suddenly became very real, and the abortion never materialized. Of course, I feel that everyone is responsible for making their own choice to have unprotected sex, so I don’t absolve any of the men in the situations. I do think it’s pretty despicable to lie about being pregnant, though.

Is he still at school? I'd ask dss mum to go to school unexpectedly, pull him out on pretext of family emergency and then have the talk togther if that's the only way you can pin him down

Does your DSS live with you or his mum? If he lives with his mum surely she must know that he stays over at his girlfriends doesn’t she? And why are you making out your DSS is innocent in all this? You don’t think his gf’s mum is standing over him and forcing him to have unprotected sex with her underage daughter do you? I think all you adults need to wake up, give your heads a wobble and take responsibility for your misguided fucking kids before some poor baby is definitely brought into this sorry mess of a family!

If I were you I'd not give your DSS a chance to tell his parents as you don't know what sort of story he's going to come up with. I'd also be furious that you didn't tell me as his parent what you knew immediately too. Parents need to work together and not keep secrets from each other for the good of the child.

You will have more chance getting the truth as to whether she is pregnant if all of you pressure the family for an answer.

I knew this woman would be telling others and asking them to keep it secret.

If her 14yo dd was really pregnant, and wants an abortion, then she wouldnt be splashing the gossip about everywhere.

Is she somehow trying to make your DSS look bad? Trying to get him kicked out and move him in there? Is she keeping him around because her dh is 'aggressive' (although he cant be that bad if he knows his dd is having sex in his house with a 16yo). Is she living her teenage drama years vicariously through her dd? Or trying to get attention and sympathy? (is she like this on fb, or can you recall any more dramatic stories she has told you through the course of your friendship to gain sympathy).

She must have an ulterior motive somewhere.

Glad your stepping up to try and protect your DSS, he may not appreciate it now but one day he will look back and realise what you're doing is in his interests.

Another thing to think of, if your DSS hasn’t had sex with the GF and he is not the father he is in the middle of a horrible situation and will need help in getting out of it.

The mum sounds utterly barmy! How come you’re not allowed to dictate how he spends his social life but she is? You can’t say he has to stay at home but she can make him stay at hers.

She sounds super#controlling and manipulative. A 16 year old may not have the tools he needs to get out of that. He’s moved in to the household of an overbearing, controlling mum and an angry, violent dad. He can’t read his texts messages and has been removed from his family. He can’t visit in person or talk to his family because barmy mum is there. He might not be able to say “Shit...I don’t know how I got into this, but I need out”.

Don’t be angry with DSS. He needs someone who can talk to if he needs it. Wait until you know what is happening. Sounding like there’s going to be a whole big thing where she ends up not being pregnant at all or your DSS isn’t the dad but somehow moves in with them and takes over the role of a teenage dad. I’m not saying be a calm, kumbaya type but don’t go in all guns blazing with your DSS. There’s too much drama already so someone needs to keep the heid!

@BoggledBudgie - do you have any knowledge of 'the law' at all? Just because you think it it doesn't make it true. Paedophiles are attracted to pre-pubescent children. If the 14 year old is potentially pregnant she is not pre-pubescent. Your comments are not only incorrect they are actively unhelpful.

If the father is aggressive and the mother is manipulative and the daughter is as immature as you say can you raise a concern with the school, if the mother is allowing (even encouraging her for her social life, wtf?) her to have sex then there's a safeguarding issue there? I mean your dss is probably going to face some awkward questions but why the hell is he having sex with this girl, let alone unprotected sex?

@19claire88

I said he’s basically as pedophile and the mother said I was over reacting 😡😡

I feel for the two young people here. You say he is a paedophile (you need to learn what a paedophile is!!) and her parents sound controlling and barmy.

The GF is certainly thriving on all the drama and attention. She will get pregnant ASAP if not already.
You appear to be the only adult so act like it. Talk to your DH ASAP and then act together to extricate your DSS

Somebody needs to step up and be the adult in this situation. You've got two vulnerable children under the control of a nutter and her abusive husband. If the girl isn't pregnant, she soon will be.

Another one wondering what on earth the motive could be here. I don't think the girl is pregnant either, but the mother clearly wants her to be. And she wants the DSS around too - why?

Nothing about her behaviour makes sense. I really hope you have spoken to his parents by now, OP, the poor kid needs help. That woman is batshit.

It was deeply inappropriate of your friend to tell you that your step son has impregenated her 14 yo daughter and then asked you to keep it secret from his parents, one of whom is your spouse.

@19claire88 the situation is already escalating with more people being told - you have to phone your DH now.

You could also phone Childline for a professional view on what your options are to keep your DSS safe here.

@Elai1978

If they're in the U.K. (assume they are) DSS can, I believe, be done for statutory rape.

No such thing in the UK

Why do people keep saying there is no statutory rape law in the UK? Do you even know what statutory rape means?

What is the United Kingdom Age of Consent?

The Age of Consent in United Kingdom is 16 years old. The age of consent is the minimum age at which an individual is considered legally old enough to consent to participation in sexual activity.

Individuals aged 15 or younger in United Kingdom are not legally able to consent to sexual activity, and such activity may result in prosecution for statutory rape or the equivalent local law.

www.ageofconsent.net/world/united-kingdom

My DSS girlfriend could possibly be pregnant

How about finding out if she is pregnant first?

@DontBeAfraidToAsk

My DSS girlfriend could possibly be pregnant

How about finding out if she is pregnant first?

The OP has dealt with this in a subsequent post.

@DontBeAfraidToAsk the OP has tried, the GF 'messed up' on one and refused to take another

@DontBeAfraidToAsk

My DSS girlfriend could possibly be pregnant

How about finding out if she is pregnant first?

Yes, do nothing until you've seen a positive test. It could all be made up.

The parents in this are basically facilitating under age sex. They need to know and take responsibility. The DSS should not be allowed to be making those decisions and staying at a 14 yo house. It’s so irresponsible

You must speak to your husband. He needs to intervene in all of this for the sake of his son. The whole situation seems really weird, regardless of whether or not the girl is pregnant. I would not allow someone to have this much control over my 16 year old child

I'm sure the OP that's thought of that! Bit difficult if gf refuses to take a test in OPs house though.

Yes, do nothing until you've seen a positive test. It could all be made up

I don't think the pregnancy is the only issue here, surely it's also an issue that he is having sex with an underage girl? Why is that being allowed? The parents should be putting a stop to that regardless of whether she is pregnant.

The saga of the pregnancy tests suggests something odd which is unlikely to be beneficial for your stepson.

My thoughts exactly. This all sounds vey fishy. How hard is it to do a pregnancy test these days? How can you mess up a preganancy test?