DSS pregnant girlfriend

[19claire88]

Not sure is a AIBU but here we go.

My DSS girlfriend could possibly be pregnant she’s 14 he’s 16. The mother of the girlfriend is a friend to me has been for the last 9 months so it’s a new friendship not bothered about losing it tbh.

It complicates further when she calls yesterday morning to say daughter possibly pregnant we’re keeping it a secret no one is to know. Which is fine her body her choice mother is pushing for an abortion.

My only concern is that by keeping this such a secret and not telling DSS mother or father about this is we possibly risk doing this all over again cause clearly those kids are able to take safe precautions. Mother hasn’t provided contraception and DSS has contraception. We asked him if they were having sex flat out denied it. Sex talk given anyway.

Mother is saying it remains a secret due to how her husband will react.

I’m disgusted with both of them don’t want to engage in the cover up of their mistake, having this information has eaten away at me.

I feel 1 parent of DSS needs to know so they can appropriately deal with DSS cause daughters mother is still having him stay overnight, days out are being planned life goes on normally. Mother is totally burying her head in the sand about the seriousness of this and I’m expected to lie to girlfriends father, DSS mother and father.

We don’t agree with the overnight stays but the whole family are very overwhelming and DSS just does what they say. He’s like a puppet on a string.

Would I be unreasonable to tell at least one parent of DSS, so they can deal with this. DSS was the result of a teen pregnancy so I know his mother will handle this correctly in my eyes as opposed to girlfriends mother who is just ignoring the seriousness of the situation.

I’m now armed with the info I now need I can stress that SS has more then likely committed an offence, and as parents they now need safe guard there child from an over controlling parent, I’m not even sure how we come to this situation of SS constantly being at another home other then his one either at mine or mums house.

in the eyes of the law he is a pedophile. 16 is the legal age of consent. He slept with an underage child, ergo pedophile.

FFS

@19claire88 I think you're unfairly getting a hard time here. You have been put in a difficult position but you are doing your best and doing the right thing by telling your step son's parents.

His parents really need to step up and deal with this situation as a very serious and urgent matter.

Good luck with everything.

Whilst it is true that he would not be prosecuted of statutory rape in the UK, it surely is true that it would worsen the situation that she was underage if it were to be flagged up and the girl claimed it was non consensual? That seems more likely than it might otherwise given the dubious pregnancy scare and odd mother.

That is the right thing to do. Tell his father aka the person you're married to and let him make decisions moving forward. You should have done it straight away but at least you're doing it now.

OP I think you should disregard the criminality aspect. it might technically be an offence, but the CPS would not be interested in prosecuting unless there is evidence of the sex not being consensual.

I think the far more worrying aspect is that an under aged child is being allowed to have sex by the her parents. Not only this, the GF’s mother seems to be orchestrating this as yet unconfirmed pregnancy into some massive Jeremy Kyleesque drama that is incredibly emotionally damaging for both the girl and your DSS. The mother seems to be exerting an incredibly unhealthy level of control over your DSS, and god knows what this is doing to the girl. As I and other PPs have said, this all sounds very fishy and I wouldn’t be surprised if your DSS is being used as a cover for something else going on, that or he is being kept there in case the father kicks off as some sort of protection. I think it would be foolish to discount either of these possibilities.

Honestly I think you should be contacting the school or making a report to social services yourself. Your first priority, as you’ve identified, is to inform the boy’s parents ASAP, and yes, I do agreee that after work is probably better.

This is a very damaging and harmful situation for both your DSS and the girl, and clearly the girl’s family have multiple issues that will result in serious emotional damage to both kids. This is why I think social services should be informed. Worst case scenario they might be the only people with the power to remove your DSS from the situation and ensure he is kept away. I think that is a very real possibility as it sounds like it could be difficult to get him out of there otherwise.

You have been put in a terrible position here and I feel for you, and some of the posts on this thread are less than helpful.

This sounds like drama for drama's sake. Why even text you that she's 'possibly' pregnant except to create drama? Reasonable humans would wait until a positive test to start kicking things into gear.

@combatbarbie

Regardless of what it may be called these days.... DSS could still be charged with a sexual offence.

In theory yes, he could be. However, in practice he won't be. If he was a few years older he might be charged but the authorities will not charge a 16-year old for having sex with a 14-year old.

I have no idea why I’ve been dragged into this I shouldn’t have been the person to know 1st that should have been SS mother. I wanted other opinions on this matter and most have been the same as my gut tell the parents and allow the fall out to happen. I don’t particularly value this friendship it causes so much agro I’ve put with it for SS sake but being asked to lie has crossed the lines when it’s something so serious dad will be told later when I know he’s back where he’s staying. And he can tell SS mother. This isn’t something I’ve wanted to hide from anyone I’ve been put in a impossible situation break the trust of a DP or SS.

Sorry you were put in this position op.
But you did the right thing.

Naturally both parents will be shocked, amongst other things and initially may snap at you and ask the obvious questions, I'm hoping they don't and can see how difficult this has been for you too.

What an awful situation to be in.

I hope and pray she is not pregnant and your step son can eventually 'see the light' and get away from this dysfunctional family.
Best of luck today op. X

My reason for hesitation is I’m concerned now this family are with him, they seem to want to have some control over him and that extends to my DP. They seem to have some need to always have those 2 and it’s been noted by mutual friends. I feel like this needs to be handled in a sensitive manner incase we accidentally push him closer to the family when we need to be pulling him away. He knows he has a place to stay there and the parents are happy to facilitate even if we and mum have said no.

What do you mean this family need to have your DP?

I don’t see how you’ve been asked to break your dss’ trust. He hasn’t confided in you or asked you to keep any secrets. You really have no idea what he thinks!

What do you mean ‘keep your dp?’ You really need to explain to your dp these weird dynamics. Ideally he goes over, collects ds, brings him home and phones them to talk afterwards, rather than getting sucked into it all.

If we make plans they get really funny about it like oh you don’t need us now your off doing your own thing it’s almost like we have to be together 24/7. Obviously we don’t stand for it but SS seems to have fallen into this trap of constantly being together. Which is what caused the hesitation in me telling the truth I’m worried it will push him further to them.

No I’m not I’ve got a family that has smothered our family unit. Why would I make it up? What would I get from this, clearly I’ve taken my eye off the ball and allow a completely ridiculous situation to happen right in front of my eye along with his parents

You've got two vulnerable children under the control of a nutter and her abusive husband

@Aweebawbee has it in about 15 words!

This is a safeguarding issue imo. If I was in OP's shoes, I'd be seriously considering reporting this. This family take dysfunctional to a whole new level, and seem to be sucking others into their drama.

I’ll be reporting my concerns about the family to the school, think they’ve possibly had involvement from what’s been said. And obviously let DP deal with the underage sex issue with SS mother. And hopefully they’ll make SS see sense cause I can’t get through to him

You're allowing him to sleep with a 14yo because her family is 'overwhelming?' Why isn't his father stepping up - and next time a silly girl 'needs' him, tell her that's tough, he's busy with his homework. It's not your responsibility to keep this girl's secrets from her father, who hopefully has more sense than her feckless mother.

I was unaware that they been sleeping together the mother knew and she felt it best to keep quiet we have asked SS several times are they sexually active and he’s had the talk everytime. I don’t agree with him staying over but I’m not his parent that falls on them not me. In all this in the dads DP I have no legal say in what they do I can only offer my opinion which I’ve been vocal about. If mum and dad allow this on both sides then What more can I do.

This thread has diverted away from my OP and is no longer becoming helpful, DP will know tonight when he gets my message, and then it’s up to him to decide I’ve wasted far too much energy in to something which should never had involved me

Ignore all the unhelpful stuff OP. You’re doing the right thing telling DSS’s parents and the school. At the end of the day it’s not actually your child, so you’re doing the sensible thing.

Good luck, and I hope they don’t shoot the messenger.

@19claire88

If we make plans they get really funny about it like oh you don’t need us now your off doing your own thing it’s almost like we have to be together 24/7. Obviously we don’t stand for it but SS seems to have fallen into this trap of constantly being together. Which is what caused the hesitation in me telling the truth I’m worried it will push him further to them.

What does this even mean?

Who gets funny about it? Exactly how involved with these people are you?

You’re throwing in random comments about your dp’s drinking, them being overwhelming, being smothered.

However you expand on none of it.

Very weird thread...

I actually feel very sorry for the op here to be honest, she’s also been dragged into their little game of playing best friends and I’ve seen this happen in RL. Thank fuck I’m antisocial and wouldn’t put up with it, people like this drive me round the bend. If anyone is needy it’s the sorry excuse of a mother of the 14yr old.

I’m confused though. Her father knows that SS stays over. What does he think they’re doing? Playing with My Little Ponies? Surely he’s not that stupid. I would go as far to say that it sounds like her mum has some sort of personality disorder, her behaviour is far from normal.

One good thing to come out of this sorry tale op is that you cut ties with this woman. I hope to god that this girl isn’t pg ( i suspect she isn’t anyway) and that your SS manages to get away from this dysfunctional lot. Leave it with his parents now, you’ve done your best.

It’s a weird thread cause I’m trying to homeschool kids and deal with a massive problem caused by a child that’s not even mine. Sorry for missing bits out. I just remembered bits so add in my comments. It’s been an eventful past 24 hours where I’m trying to reason with a batshit women making up all sorts to keep me quiet.