DSS pregnant girlfriend

[19claire88]

Not sure is a AIBU but here we go.

My DSS girlfriend could possibly be pregnant she’s 14 he’s 16. The mother of the girlfriend is a friend to me has been for the last 9 months so it’s a new friendship not bothered about losing it tbh.

It complicates further when she calls yesterday morning to say daughter possibly pregnant we’re keeping it a secret no one is to know. Which is fine her body her choice mother is pushing for an abortion.

My only concern is that by keeping this such a secret and not telling DSS mother or father about this is we possibly risk doing this all over again cause clearly those kids are able to take safe precautions. Mother hasn’t provided contraception and DSS has contraception. We asked him if they were having sex flat out denied it. Sex talk given anyway.

Mother is saying it remains a secret due to how her husband will react.

I’m disgusted with both of them don’t want to engage in the cover up of their mistake, having this information has eaten away at me.

I feel 1 parent of DSS needs to know so they can appropriately deal with DSS cause daughters mother is still having him stay overnight, days out are being planned life goes on normally. Mother is totally burying her head in the sand about the seriousness of this and I’m expected to lie to girlfriends father, DSS mother and father.

We don’t agree with the overnight stays but the whole family are very overwhelming and DSS just does what they say. He’s like a puppet on a string.

Would I be unreasonable to tell at least one parent of DSS, so they can deal with this. DSS was the result of a teen pregnancy so I know his mother will handle this correctly in my eyes as opposed to girlfriends mother who is just ignoring the seriousness of the situation.

@19claire88 You have done the right things

I came for reasonable answers I was angry with this women for putting me in that situation and I wanted opinions to back up my gut feeling, which I’ve got. I thought I was gonna be telling parents out a place of angry getting this out and sounding off has made me realise this is fucked up and SS needs parents to stop pussy footing around him and my so called friend needs to realise she’s fucking her kids up by burying her head in the sand.

Yes, you have arrived at the right conclusions. The important thing now is to do it all as quickly as you can to avoid being the bad guy for knowing and not telling.

You’ve properly been dumped in the shit OP. I can understand your worries, but at the end of the day you are being the sensible adult here and that’s exactly what this situation calls for.

I’m very concerned about getting SS out of this safely Hes much to involved and the parents Have allowed this, by not stepping in and seeing what’s been happening. And I’ve watched it happen. And this is where we’ve arrived too.

You don't owe anyone in here all the gory details. You only need to give enough detail to answer the problem which you did. There's no rule that says you have to go in to minute detail about yours and your extended family dynamics when you post.

There's a few thing here which has stood out to me.
*Shes a twat for telling you and expecting you to put her before your family.
*It's convenient how a test you bought was inconclusive.
*His parents should have been firmer about him staying. They've allowed another family to dictate what their son does with his time.
*I doubt shes pregnant.
*The whole thing is probably bullshit but regardless if it's true or not his parents need to be informed. Its shit you've been put in this situation but it is what it Is. I'm glad to hear you're going to tell them.
*The parents need to get a grip on their child. Hes 16.

The girls family sounds fucking insane tbh. They have no right over another person's son. Shes controlling. I'd be reporting the situation as a whole to child services. It's not normal. Not just the "pregnancy " but the whole thing.

@anothernewyear

There's a few thing here which has stood out to me. *Shes a twat for telling you and expecting you to put her before your family. *It's convenient how a test you bought was inconclusive. *His parents should have been firmer about him staying. They've allowed another family to dictate what their son does with his time. *I doubt shes pregnant. *The whole thing is probably bullshit but regardless if it's true or not his parents need to be informed. Its shit you've been put in this situation but it is what it Is. I'm glad to hear you're going to tell them. *The parents need to get a grip on their child. Hes 16.

The girls family sounds fucking insane tbh. They have no right over another person's son. Shes controlling. I'd be reporting the situation as a whole to child services. It's not normal. Not just the "pregnancy " but the whole thing.

This with bells on. The other family sounds like fucking lunatics

@DivGirl

You need to tell at least one of his parents before the police come knocking with questions about statutory rape allegations.

This was my first thought, all it needs is for one parent to turn and then the DSS is in prison or on the register for life.

@19claire88

Not sure is a AIBU but here we go.

My DSS girlfriend could possibly be pregnant she’s 14 he’s 16. The mother of the girlfriend is a friend to me has been for the last 9 months so it’s a new friendship not bothered about losing it tbh.

It complicates further when she calls yesterday morning to say daughter possibly pregnant we’re keeping it a secret no one is to know. Which is fine her body her choice mother is pushing for an abortion.

My only concern is that by keeping this such a secret and not telling DSS mother or father about this is we possibly risk doing this all over again cause clearly those kids are able to take safe precautions. Mother hasn’t provided contraception and DSS has contraception. We asked him if they were having sex flat out denied it. Sex talk given anyway.

Mother is saying it remains a secret due to how her husband will react.

I’m disgusted with both of them don’t want to engage in the cover up of their mistake, having this information has eaten away at me.

I feel 1 parent of DSS needs to know so they can appropriately deal with DSS cause daughters mother is still having him stay overnight, days out are being planned life goes on normally. Mother is totally burying her head in the sand about the seriousness of this and I’m expected to lie to girlfriends father, DSS mother and father.

We don’t agree with the overnight stays but the whole family are very overwhelming and DSS just does what they say. He’s like a puppet on a string.

Would I be unreasonable to tell at least one parent of DSS, so they can deal with this. DSS was the result of a teen pregnancy so I know his mother will handle this correctly in my eyes as opposed to girlfriends mother who is just ignoring the seriousness of the situation.

I think you should tell someone because this is statutory rape, so if her fathers not aware because her mums scared to say anything then someone needs to be prepared for a knock on the door from the police

This is quite sinister.

Good luck, OP.

@prh47bridge

I note that there are a number of comments on this thread suggesting that DSS could be charged with statutory rape. There is no such offence in the UK. Any website that says otherwise is wrong.

Assuming the OP is in England or Wales, the relevant law is the Sexual Offences Act 2003. As the sex was consensual, notwithstanding the fact that the girl is below the age of consent, the offence is sexual activity with a child, NOT rape.

If the OP is in Scotland, the relevant law is the Sexual Offences (Scotland) Act 2009 and the offence is having intercourse with an older child.

Regardless of where the OP is in the UK, the authorities are not interested in prosecuting teenagers who have sex unless there is a substantial age gap or there is evidence of rape. No matter how many people refer this to the police, DSS is not going to be charged with rape or any other sexual offence on the information given here.

Thank you for your post! The misinformation on here is mind-blowing!

Text him and the GFs mother that if he doesn't return to either your or his Mothers home, you'll be discussing the matter with his parents at the earliest opportunity, including whether or not to inform social services/police?

Thank you for your responses since my previous post, these have been for me the most helpful, Parents are gonna be told still not heard from DP so not sure what’s gone on there I wonder if SS has actually told a parent now. Due to the silence from everyone possibly involved. I’m not calling just incase but text to say please call when sorted. I’m gonna to be contacting the safe guarding officer at the children’s school and college and express my concerns.

I’ve tried to do the right thing by giving them a chance and I’m really hoping this radio silence is a good sign of not tonight it will all be out.

Hope you get this sorted and ss safely home, something is not right with this girls mother.

Tell your husband 1st!!!

Sorry I'm not sure I follow.

Your DSS girlfriend may be pregnant and you are asking whether you can keep this a secret from his father /your partner ?

Righto.

@Barrowmanfan22

Sorry I'm not sure I follow.

Your DSS girlfriend may be pregnant and you are asking whether you can keep this a secret from his father /your partner ?

Righto.

No, that’s NOT what OP is asking at all. Have you RTFT?

No clearly the full thread hasn’t been read clearly and that’s been half the problem with this people have clearly skim read and jumped massively. It’s now been dealt with and DP knows so it’s now in there court.

A friendship I wanted to lose has ended not in the best terms but I can’t condone the lies being asked of me

Yes.

I understand lots of other things have come into play but this is the original issue no?

@19claire88

No clearly the full thread hasn’t been read clearly and that’s been half the problem with this people have clearly skim read and jumped massively. It’s now been dealt with and DP knows so it’s now in there court.

A friendship I wanted to lose has ended not in the best terms but I can’t condone the lies being asked of me

Sorry - I did read your thread but I am still not understanding this other than what I asked. the girlfriends toxic family etc are red herrings.

In what world would you not tell your own partner ? I'm clearly missing something.

What did your DP say when you told him?

All sounds very strange like the girls mum is revelling in the drama of it. I would be concerned for the girl in all this. Is she even pregnant and if she is what does she want?

Thank goodness. I hope everything works out ok for your SS. From everything that you've said here it sounds like she may well not be pregnant anyway...

My doubt of telling a parents of SS came about because the girlfriends mother kept saying her body her choice in terms of who knew. My gut was going tell someone and a tiny part of me was thinking what if she’s right her body her choice.

I’ve had the mother calling me all the time coming up with these stupid threats arguments and scenarios of what would happen if I told. It’s now out there and SS is gonna suffer the consequences atm I don’t particularly like him because of how he behaves and acts since being with this girl he’s a very different boy, so my next concern is highlighting to DP that he needs to be spending less time with them and that for me means staying at home I think he would be best with his mother as she ultimately has more say over him then I ever will.