To refuse DS his 'greatest wish'

[Toomuchstuffwillkillme]

DS2 has always been a bit dog obsessed and has recently mounted a concerted campaign to persuade me we should get one.

He will love it to bits, walk it lots, play with it, it will be his best friend, his life will be enriched.

I'm just not convinced. I don't mind other people's dogs, but I'm just not a dog lover. (Surely that's a fairly basic requirement for dog ownership?) I really, really don't want to share my home with one. DH is sitting firmly on the fence on this one, so it's me who is being made to feel like the evil mean parent. DS promises he would feed, walk and love said dog, which is probably true. I have no doubt whatsoever who would end up doing the extra hoovering, floor washing, dog-food-buying, poop scooping etc.
We have several other non-furry lower maintenance pets who are loved, but would all be dead by now if I didn't look after them.
Apparently this would be different if we had a dog, I'd get loads of help looking after it, it would be hardly any work (Yeah right, while you're at school all day & I'm trying to work part time from home.)
And yes our existing pets are non-furry because I have pet hair allergies, though to be fair not usually to dogs.

I loathe going to houses which have dogs and getting covered in dog hair. Even if said houses have people who vacuum daily, they ALWAYS smell of dog. I suppose if it was our dog I'd get used to it.
Picking up dog poo is repellent.
Also, I am the polar opposite of Mrs Hinch. I dislike cleaning at the best of times, keeping the place vaguely straight and cleaning up after the kids is bad enough, the thought of adding a dog frankly terrifies me.
Oh and I like my garden. A lot. I don't want it dug up or pooed on or peed on.

As a family we enjoy travelling and visiting people, in the UK and abroad (2020 has not been a great year ). Closest family are over 3 hrs drive away. There is no-one here who would look after a dog for us. Most of the family would not appreciate us bringing a dog when we visit. We will end up either restricted to local dog-friendly holidays or spending a fortune on kennels.

Please help me out here, people who don't have a dog, or even people who do. What can I possibly say to DS to get him to see things from a different perspective. He's convinced that having a dog will make his life better and therefore mine too. I think it will be expensive, stressful, massively restrict my freedom and create a load of mum-work for minimal gain.

YABU - parenting is all about making sacrifices to keep your kids happy, if you can afford it you should suck it up and let DS have what he wants

YANBU - this is a huge lifestyle/financial commitment and if you're not 100% on board you'll end up regretting or resenting it - kids can't always have what they want

You could join the ‘borrow my doggie’ scheme and see how you all get on. Make it clear that poo picking will ALWAYS be your son’s job whether in the garden or out and about. When he’s picked up a few of them he might rethink his desperate need for a dog!!

I am soo like you. I told my older children that when they were old enough to buy/rent their own place they could do what they wanted but in my house no dog would get over the threshold! But like you we had hamsters, mice, a rat and a cat( still here). My daughter moved out and got 2 cats but says she will get a dog soon. I wont be visiting! Have heard there are dogs that dont shed.....and little dogs that required very little maintenance.....but I never even mentioned that to my older ones. Have 3 more coming up to that age and the hamster and cat is more than enough....
Good luck.

We have a dog.
ds wanted one for years, begged and begged. I said no.
Then we looked after some friends' dogs when they were on holiday. It was lovely, and I was really glad to hand them back, too much effort.

Then one time I realised I was really enjoying walking the dog each day, and began to consider it.
We got a dog when I was ready to walk it and look after it. While dc do help sometimes, it is not nearly as much as we expected. I decided early on, that I was not going to make dog walking another thing for me to argue with my teens about.

The same friends whose dog we dog sat for, now dog sit for us. I have a friend round the corner who is at home in the day, and she will happily cmoe over and let dog out when we are eg visiting relatives.

Without the support system, and without me choosing to walk a dog, it would be a disaster.
Essentially, the dog is mine, but the kids love it, play with it and it sleeps on ds bed.

I recommend havign a dog for 2 weeks per year, look after dog when a friend goes away. It is the perfetc amount of time!

and my goodness, the dog hair......
We ahve a dyson. if I leave it a full week, the entire dyson is full packed with hair just for the down stairs.

I love my dog to pieces but if I could go back I wouldnt get her. She chewed the walls....yes...she chewed brick walls! On top of all the thing u mentioned it's also vet expenses and training. You need time and just to want a dog before getting one. My life has changed a lot since I got mine and I feel even though my dog is loved so very much we are probably not the right family for a dog. All kids want pets but they dont understand the full responsibility of one.

I LOVE my dogs- but they are hairy, smelly, expensive and messy. They do less talking back than my children so that’s a plus- and I work from home so don’t have to worry about who lets them out during the day. Unless your son is going to pay for the food, insurance, kennels etc he can wait. There are other alternatives as people have said.

As others have said - totally follow your instincts on this one. Dogs are not toys and they are WAY more demanding than cats. I speak as an utterly devoted dog owner / family, but even we balk at the hassle occasionally! We know a friend who bought a dog to “ help” her son with his autism, and the dog ended up being returned- far more traumatic than not having one in the first place! If your son is truly serious/ devoted to dogs borrow my doggie website or walking neighbours dogs/ pet sitting etc is an easy way to connect with dogs but also realise all that is involved. You definitely are not being unreasonable!

I wanted my own dog for as long as I can remember, I’m now in my 50’s and have one.

I really hadn’t appreciated how much of a commitment it is. My dog has separation anxiety and craves human contact. This means we can only go out for shorter periods of time without a dog sitter.
He’s had several trips to the vet as of course he cannot tell you what’s wrong or what hurts.
I love him dearly and would not change my decision to get him however....... a child can never understand or appreciate the commitment involved and unless the whole family are fully on board it won’t work out well for anyone - particularly the dog.
And we all know the promise to feed, walk etc never lasts as homework, friends, girlfriends will get in the way and you will pick up the slack.
Politely suggest he waits until he has his own place and can do as he pleases.
Good luck

Whether your DS acknowledges it or not, you WILL end up looking after a dog some or all of the time. Especially if you’re the only person at home during the week. If you don’t want to do that, it’s a no. If your DH can work from home and wants to do it, that’s up to him. My DD was desperate for a dog but my DH is wary of them, having been bitten as a child. We just said no - DD soon got over it.

An adult who is most often at home needs to want a dog as it’s that adult who will be walking it feeding it, apologising for it and cleaning up after it. My mother wanted dogs and we had five but then we lived on a farm so the dogs never went for a walk, they just hung round the house and stock yard never ran off. To this day I don’t know where they went for a poo as we never picked any up but never saw any either. The worst they did was steal afterbirth and calf poo and vomit back up in the kitchen.

@Toomuchstuffwillkillme

Here’s my tale. When I was 12, my DB came home from university for short 4-day holiday and surprise (!) he brought a German Shepherd puppy with him. I have absolutely no idea why my parents let the puppy stay.
Then he turned around and went back to school. So who’s job was the puppy? That’s right, mine. Feeding, walking, playing, poop - everything. At first it was fun and I loved it. But life goes on and I got busy. Part time jobs after school and in the summer, extracurricular things at school and such, and always my beautiful dog was considered my brother’s dog. He was rarely even at the family home.
Make up a contract with your DS. Agree to a set of terms and put them in writing. Both of you sign them.
If he fails to follow them 3 times, remove the dog, or something that shows him that with great rewards come great responsibilities.

I don't have a dog and will never have a dog. Even if I lived with a man and children who were amazingly good at taking responsibility and would care for, walk, feed, clean up after etc the dog, I would still not have a dog. I don't want one, I won't live with one, who should any dog be forced to live with someone who doesn't want it, why should any human be forced to live with a dog if they don't want to?

Do not get a dog.

I was brought up to be frightened of dogs and therefore pretty much disliked them. 20 odd years ago I was talked in to getting a puppy by my 8 & 9 yr old sons and my husband. We bought a Weimaraner and I spent the first 2 months hiding from it and crying but omg, I then fell in love and she lived till she was 16. I wouldn’t be without a dog now. We get dog sitters if the kids can’t have the dogs when we are away or holiday with the dogs. PS the boys never walked, fed or trained them despite all the promises. 😊

I wanted a dog my whole life. My parents flat out refused, much to my eternal disappointment.

I was allowed guinea pigs/hamsters but no puppy. As the saying always went "when you grow up and get your own house..." - I lived with it, with no hard feelings towards my parents!

I did grow up and get a puppy (two in fact!) And then I realised just how much fucking work they are. If I wasn't really into it, I'd be pissed off having to deal with all that dog owning entails.

Roll on 12 years and my kids keep asking for another puppy. And guess what I say to them... 🤣

YANBU I have 2 Labradors and while I completely adore them both I'd rather have another 10 babies, they're so much easier than puppies. With our youngest dog we ended up taking it in turn DS included to sleep on the kitchen floor by her crate for around 3 months because she just cried and cried all night. She chewed her way through skirting boards, scratched holes in walls and doors, chewed wires/sockets, pee'd and poo'd everywhere, she was a nightmare. Babies are much much easier.

You've only got to see how many dogs are in rescues looking for homes to know that unless you are 100% convinced it's right for your family then NO, NO, No! Don't.

Walk My Doggy - connects people (often elderly or who are temporally unable to ) with dogs to people who want to walk them. Often 2 - 3 times a week, would be a good half way house.

Ours wanted a dog, all of them we spent at least 20 years saying no, and nothing will ever change our minds
Have what they want when they leave home.

I know it’s not popular but I got a dog in my fifties as I always wanted one and I literally needed something to care for after a break up , the dog a white westie , is a lot of work but it’s called exercise and it’s good for you, I go to a local country park every day and enjoy the walk meet loads of people and I can honestly say I’ve never spoken to so many people in my life . My daughter loves her does her share of walks and pop picking etc . She has got us through a depressing lockdown, a couple of christmases and the loves and cuddles she gives far outweigh the walks . We prefer to take her with us when we go for uk breaks in hotels she is welcome and people talk to each other who have dogs . It’s less than four coffees a month for pet insurance . I know I don’t have young children but she has given us all a new purpose and lots of reasons to get out in the fresh air when there is little else to do .

We got our dog last year and she has been an amazing addition to our family. She’s just wonderful. She makes us all happy & gets us out of the house as a family, walking together. I’m not saying she doesn’t involve any work but she’s so worth it & now we can’t imagine life without her.
You may find if you had one it may change your perspective. Having said that I am a dog person & always have been.

@widgie

I know it’s not popular but I got a dog in my fifties as I always wanted one and I literally needed something to care for after a break up , the dog a white westie , is a lot of work but it’s called exercise and it’s good for you, I go to a local country park every day and enjoy the walk meet loads of people and I can honestly say I’ve never spoken to so many people in my life . My daughter loves her does her share of walks and pop picking etc . She has got us through a depressing lockdown, a couple of christmases and the loves and cuddles she gives far outweigh the walks . We prefer to take her with us when we go for uk breaks in hotels she is welcome and people talk to each other who have dogs . It’s less than four coffees a month for pet insurance . I know I don’t have young children but she has given us all a new purpose and lots of reasons to get out in the fresh air when there is little else to do .

Not totally sure what you meant by 'not popular' but that all sounds awesome for you and the dog.

Just say “No” give your reasons and stick to it , my grandson had all the same arguments with his mum and she caved in and got a rabbit! Guess who cleans out the hutch, feeds it and cares for it?? Not my grandson 🤢

I tolerated incessant badgering on a daily basis from my daughter for 6 years until I gave in. She lost interest in 3 days, now all my holidays have to be planned around a dog.
Don't do it.

You've also forgotten the vet bills. Cause some types of dogs are prone to more issues.... My parents dog cost thousands and thousands because he kept having issues, and then when he was 11 got cancer and we had to pay for all the therapy and medication etc. Dogs arnt cheap. You've managed to list everything I hate about having a dog... I certainly wouldn't have one. If your kid wants one so badly, you can tell him he can have one when he's an adult living in his own house.

I have exactly the same situation with my DD (9) She is dog MAD and has been pleading with me for years to let her get one, and even though i think she would actually be quite good at doing the feeding/walking/picking up poo, i'm just not a doggy person.

This summer i told her gently but categorically that we would never get one, for so many reasons including the work it would be for me. I said that I wasn't saying it to be mean, but that I didn't want her to keep getting her hopes up.
We agreed that when she's an adult, and has her own house, she can get one. In the meantime (well, after our cat dies at least) I've said we can do borrow my doggy instead. Feels like a good compromise.