To refuse DS his 'greatest wish'

[Toomuchstuffwillkillme]

DS2 has always been a bit dog obsessed and has recently mounted a concerted campaign to persuade me we should get one.

He will love it to bits, walk it lots, play with it, it will be his best friend, his life will be enriched.

I'm just not convinced. I don't mind other people's dogs, but I'm just not a dog lover. (Surely that's a fairly basic requirement for dog ownership?) I really, really don't want to share my home with one. DH is sitting firmly on the fence on this one, so it's me who is being made to feel like the evil mean parent. DS promises he would feed, walk and love said dog, which is probably true. I have no doubt whatsoever who would end up doing the extra hoovering, floor washing, dog-food-buying, poop scooping etc.
We have several other non-furry lower maintenance pets who are loved, but would all be dead by now if I didn't look after them.
Apparently this would be different if we had a dog, I'd get loads of help looking after it, it would be hardly any work (Yeah right, while you're at school all day & I'm trying to work part time from home.)
And yes our existing pets are non-furry because I have pet hair allergies, though to be fair not usually to dogs.

I loathe going to houses which have dogs and getting covered in dog hair. Even if said houses have people who vacuum daily, they ALWAYS smell of dog. I suppose if it was our dog I'd get used to it.
Picking up dog poo is repellent.
Also, I am the polar opposite of Mrs Hinch. I dislike cleaning at the best of times, keeping the place vaguely straight and cleaning up after the kids is bad enough, the thought of adding a dog frankly terrifies me.
Oh and I like my garden. A lot. I don't want it dug up or pooed on or peed on.

As a family we enjoy travelling and visiting people, in the UK and abroad (2020 has not been a great year ). Closest family are over 3 hrs drive away. There is no-one here who would look after a dog for us. Most of the family would not appreciate us bringing a dog when we visit. We will end up either restricted to local dog-friendly holidays or spending a fortune on kennels.

Please help me out here, people who don't have a dog, or even people who do. What can I possibly say to DS to get him to see things from a different perspective. He's convinced that having a dog will make his life better and therefore mine too. I think it will be expensive, stressful, massively restrict my freedom and create a load of mum-work for minimal gain.

YABU - parenting is all about making sacrifices to keep your kids happy, if you can afford it you should suck it up and let DS have what he wants

YANBU - this is a huge lifestyle/financial commitment and if you're not 100% on board you'll end up regretting or resenting it - kids can't always have what they want

He will probably get himself a dog when he grows up. That’s okay. He doesn’t have to have everything he wants immediately.

My son always wanted a cat and I told him he could have one when he had his own house. That’s what he did and now he says that when she dies he won’t replace her. It’s too much work. He needs to realise that he can’t have a dog just because he thinks he wants one

I never wanted one. Family life is restricting enough as it is, they make a ridiculous amount of mess, take too much looking after plus you just can't be spontaneous. So DH bought one without telling me (that story's worthy of its own thread). Then we got a second as the first "got lonely" and we've had them both 8 years now. Don't get me wrong, I love them to bits and they are totally part of the family but give me a time machine (and the lovely David Tennant to pilot it) and the day DH turned up with the first one I'd send him straight back with it.

0ease don’t get a dog if you don’t want one, treat them like another family member or don’t get them simple

We have dogs and they never want to help, they stroke and play ewith them when they choose but the walking, feeding, poo clearing, training comes down to us the parents. Can’t he offer local people to walk their dogs, some rescue centres allow people to come spend time with dogs, walk them etc, they like it for the socialising of the dogs. Try that, he can get his fix that way. When you walk a dog with him get him to clean up the poo, see how he likes doing that 3 times daily. Dogs have a massive impact on a household, especially if not trained properly, they can be a real responsibility. He can have one when he’s older. Local advert offering dog walks to good dogs would work to get his fix

As a dog owner, no, don't get a dog if you know you do not want one.

Look into volunteering at a local dog shelter or something like the Cinnamon Trust instead.

I think you are being mean.
Different children have different needs - what is driving this child to need a dog? Dogs can bring a lot to children. I do not know your circumstances, but if your child needs a dog, discuss it with your DH.
You could share the load. I hate mess and dog dander and dog poo, but to a child sometimes a dog makes up for so many things

I think you are me! That’s exactly how I feel and my DS is desperate for a dog! Glad to see the vote is going YANBU otherwise I’d feel even more like I should be a great parent and get a dog too. Thank you for your post!

YANBU. My DH keeps mentioning getting a dog. I love dogs and love visiting friends who have them. However, we have 3 cats who wouldn't be impressed. I guarantee I'd end up doing most of the cleaning up (and I hate cleaning). I see posts about dogs chewing up everything in sight, rolling in fox poo and generally being a pain and I just don't want that. It's all very well while DH and DS are working from home, but what about when they're not? Pay for a dog walker? More expense. Dogs are so much more work than a lot of other pets. I'm not going to want to get up even earlier, especially in winter to walk it. I don't want to be picking poo up either. No, stick to your guns. Tell your son when he's got his own home he can have a dog but until then, your house, your rules. Good luck

Omg I could have written that myself. I feel your pain

Don't do it. I'm speaking as someone who was a complete suckered, not once but 3 times. We have a dog & 3 cats. The dog is the bane of my life (I do love him) but he is a total pain in the arse! It's me who walks him, me who feeds him, me who changes the water, me who picks up the poo, me who takes him to the vet, me who administers parasite treatments. No matter what kids say, they always lose interest.

I desperately wanted a dog when I was a kid. My parents wouldn’t get me one. They did let me keep a hermit crab when I was old enough to look after it and clean the horrible smelly bowl of sand that it lived in.

Rest assured OP, I did not grow up to feel deprived of having had a real pet. I suspect your family will survive the trauma of not being allowed to have a dog too.

Don’t get a dog
I have 3, well one and 2 part time ones
You shouldn’t get a dog

I got a dog for the kids, they do NOTHING in terms of looking after her and I'm saddled with walks , food and taking care of her when we're away! Don't do it

How old is your DS? I had this exact same scenario DD2 (middle child). From age 5-17 the pestering continued despite my response se being a firm and resolute no. DD1 left home - she and I were together on the NO DOG position. DD2, DD3 and DH really upped the anti when she left. I gave in, caved, convinced my self it would be ok. Friends said having a dog would be brilliant that no one family should be without a dog.
We’ve had a dog for 1yr now. Responsibility has been shared and they have all benefitted from the companionship of the dog. It’s been a positive boost for their mental health. If I could go back in time I would selfishly say NO. For me, my experience. My carpets are ruined and my house smells of dog. I can’t eat in peace. Don’t do it.

Ds always wanted a dog from being tiny, he had a cuddly one instead that even now at 16 he treats like a little prince (he is asd & the dog talks for him sometimes, I must be mad having to have conversations on the phone with him) His dad took in a stray that was wandering around where he lived, ds loved him to bits & was heartbroken when he had to be put to sleep during lockdown.

Don’t do it!!! My husband came home 4 years ago with a puppy, didn’t tell me or kids, thought it would be nice!!!!! I childmind from home and at the time terrified of dogs and he worked 10+ hour days, it was a living hell. Dont get me wrong I do love the dog now, said husband now divorced🎉 (Different reasons) but the dog is 90% with me.
I hate the fact I can no longer do anything without thinking about the dog first! I suddenly felt free as my youngest had just started senior school and life was easy making plans and going out, or booking last min holidays, then it all went wrong !! I’m constantly hoovering and in bad weather there’s mud, footprints and wet dog smell everywhere.
My saving grace is, that my kids are old enough now to walk him in his own, unfortunately struggle to walk the early mornings!
I do love my dog (feel guilty saying bad things about him, as I’m his favourite) but he is the biggest tie and expensive. Good luck - day no.

Literally could have written this myself, my whole family want a dog, except me. Ive told them, when they find a breed that doesnt leave hair everywhere, doesnt make my house smell like dog, doesnt need walking, and doesnt need shit picking up, we can get one. It will be me that ends up doing all these things and i dont want to do them.

I spent my whole childhood begging my mum for a dog and never got one. Now I'm the mum and have my boys begging me! The answer is still no! 😂

Exactly the same situation and arguments from my friend’s children- she gave in. Guess who ended up having to do everything- her and her husband!
Children now at college/university so they still have to do everything!
If DS wants one he can get one when he’s got his house!!

There is no way I would get a pet. Too expensive and I am allergic and I don’t want the responsibility even if I wasn’t. I feel bad on my DD as she is an only child but it just couldn’t work for us. I would keep saying no if I were you.

YANBU in the slightest. I would love to have a dog of my own, but due to work commitments and health issues I'm not able to. Obvs am gutted about it but it's the sensible decision.

Dh was always anti (though is less so now) but basically said he wouldn't mind having one but he wouldn't want one all the time. They're a massive commitment.

Could your DS help out a friend with their dog or walk one for neighbours or something? Borrowmydoggy is a good site to do this on a more formal basis.

YANBU I love dogs but feel the same as you about dog ownership. No thanks! What about your DS starts a little dog walking business in your local areas? He could walk dogs before or after school and at weekends. There’s also that site Borrow My Doggy.

There is a website walkmydoggy.com or something similar which looks to have people help look after dogs in the area. Maybe a compromise?

It's funny I was chatting about this with a friend today. She has a lovely little dog but did say that if she had her time again she wouldn't go down that path!

YANBU. They're too much hard work. In our school playground having a cockapoo/cavapoo or some other pseudo designer mix seems to have become something of a fashion accessory...