How would you feel if your Dh did this?

[Autumnsunshineday]

So imagine whilst out you go to a sandwich shop with your dc and Dh. Dh agrees to go in and buy the food while you wait outside with the dc.

You ask Dh to get you a cheese sandwich, second option would be a chicken sandwich or any other type of sandwich. The dc choose a sandwich each too. Dh wants a sausage roll.

Instead of sandwiches your Dh comes out with a sausage roll each for everyone. You don't like sausage rolls, you never have. So you tell your Dh you don't like sausage rolls. He then tells you that the shop had no sandwiches, and you're just being fussy. You question the fact that a sandwich shop would have no sandwiches, at all, but your Dh insists they had no sandwiches at all, the shops useless, they've run out of sandwiches, he even asked them to make one but they wouldn't.

So you say you'll nip in yourself and get something else, your Dh then tries to stop you, berating you for not just eating the sausage roll.

When you go into the shop, they are actually fully stocked with every variety sandwiches. Turns out your Dh just couldn't be bothered to pick up the different sandwiches.

Being charitable (and from my middle aged perspective)he's not getting older and trying to hide the beginnings of memory loss is he? Other than that, I'd second all the other replies and be totally pissed off.

Me ex would do things like this all the time, but it was for different outcomes depending upon audience. In a local shop he would be hoping I would start arguing and he would deliberately make his answers more and more stupid to get the maximum response and also it would be so I didn't trust him to order again. If it was around his family he would do it but then pretend he didn't know we wanted sandwiches so that I would keep reminding him of the conversation to which he would keep denying it while saying sly things they sounded innocent but were to wind me up more so he could get sympathy for me kicking off over nothing as they would put it. They would believe I was being a mad bully and treat him to all-sorts to make him feel better and to try get back at me for having a go at their son etc. I would then try to avoid things like this by checking before hand and getting him to promise to not do it but then he would find something else to make me look bad such as taking my house key when he went to his mother's and I was out but thinking o didn't need my key and I would knock for ages and call only to no answer until I knocked on the window in desperation and he would fly out shouting at me for disturbing his parents, he would say he hadn't had missed calls off me and state he took my keys as had to as I knew he was going out and he told me to take keys. He would make sure this was said in a raised voice with lots of things thrown in to make his parents think bad of me, but think he was telling me off for it and his mother who was absolutely obsessed with having him at her beck and call would pet him up, buy him all-sorts and leave me out of everything to try push me out. He's an ex now for Good reason x

Wow, that is a new level of laziness!

" Then came the "well you go in yourself next time, it's very stressful remembering 4 peoples sandwiches".

Is that 4 including him??

Christ that's embarrassing, but also obviously very hurtful to you & the kids.

I would think he was a cunt.

Arsehole.

Oh the old 'Male Selective Ineptness Trick'

Perform a task so badly you'll never be asked to do it again, they learn it from an early age.

I'd make sure the twat got something he hated for dinner every day for a week and tell him all the things he didn't like were out of stock.

Arsehole.

I’d think he was a twat

@ktp100

I'd make sure the twat got something he hated for dinner every day for a week and tell him all the things he didn't like were out of stock.

Arsehole.

I wouldn't waste my time thinking about him-the same as he didn't with Op & their kids!

I'd be wondering what else he was lying about to be honest, if he goes to that much trouble over a sandwich.

Did he have enough money to buy the sandwiches and sausage rolls ?
Or was he too embarrassed to say he couldn't afford it ?

Sandwiches will be more expensive than sausages rolls.

@ErrolTheDragon

Maybe he wasn't paying enough attention and didn't take in what everyone wanted, or had forgotten and this was a ridiculous and misguided attempt to save face?

Next time, either you go in the shop or else make a list - easy enough to write a note on a phone.

so he could send a text to the person outside asking for a reminder or he could have come out of the shop with his sausage rolls saying he forgot so bought sausage rolls. Not lie. What a lack of respect.

"Next time, either you go in the shop or else make a list - easy enough to write a note on a phone."

So essentially do it for him?

How about he makes his own bloody list??

Read around the web about passive-aggressive behaviour OP, I think you'll find it an eye-opener!

www.inc.com/justin-bariso/5-tactics-passive-aggressive-people-use-to-get-under-your-skin-and-how-you-can-fight-back.html

Here are a few ways passive-aggressive behavior may manifest itself in the real world:

1. The giver of silent treatment.

After agreeing to do things a certain way, the other person avoids you as much as possible. When you try to have a conversation, they remain tight-lipped, provide short answers and refuse to engage, or turn a cold shoulder.

1. The sulker.

We've all seen this behavior in kids, but plenty of adults do it too. When the person doesn't get their way, they suddenly become sad and bitter, immediately sucking the joy out of any room they enter.

1. The forgetter.

In this case, a person agrees to help with a task but then simply doesn't follow through. They may claim they "forgot" when in reality they had no intention of helping out in the first place. Or, they simply procrastinate to the point that you (or someone else) has to take over.

1. The low performer.

Instead of completely failing to follow through on a task, this person carries it out but does so sloppily or with little effort. On the outside they feign support, but by performing way below expectations they let their true feelings shine through.

1. The needler.

This person uses sarcasm or backhanded compliments to try and undermine your sense of self-confidence or eat away at your nerves. They try to be ambiguous, but they know exactly what they're doing.

I hate liars. They make my skin crawl.

That level of selfish lying over something little would make me question what other lies he’s told or will tell.

It might sound ridiculous but I don’t think I’d ever look at him the same. It’s weird and weak of him and I’d lose respect.

If he had forgotten he could have just said that.

It's the out and out lying that's the problem here.

@Mlb123

Me ex would do things like this all the time, but it was for different outcomes depending upon audience. In a local shop he would be hoping I would start arguing and he would deliberately make his answers more and more stupid to get the maximum response and also it would be so I didn't trust him to order again. If it was around his family he would do it but then pretend he didn't know we wanted sandwiches so that I would keep reminding him of the conversation to which he would keep denying it while saying sly things they sounded innocent but were to wind me up more so he could get sympathy for me kicking off over nothing as they would put it. They would believe I was being a mad bully and treat him to all-sorts to make him feel better and to try get back at me for having a go at their son etc. I would then try to avoid things like this by checking before hand and getting him to promise to not do it but then he would find something else to make me look bad such as taking my house key when he went to his mother's and I was out but thinking o didn't need my key and I would knock for ages and call only to no answer until I knocked on the window in desperation and he would fly out shouting at me for disturbing his parents, he would say he hadn't had missed calls off me and state he took my keys as had to as I knew he was going out and he told me to take keys. He would make sure this was said in a raised voice with lots of things thrown in to make his parents think bad of me, but think he was telling me off for it and his mother who was absolutely obsessed with having him at her beck and call would pet him up, buy him all-sorts and leave me out of everything to try push me out. He's an ex now for Good reason x

Oh God yes! It's exhausting, gaslighting, erodes any chance of having a real relationship with the person. Glad to hear this knob isn't in your life anymore

@diddl

"Next time, either you go in the shop or else make a list - easy enough to write a note on a phone."

So essentially do it for him?

How about he makes his own bloody list??

Yeah, I meant he should make a list on his own phone.

Was he trying to save money? Sausage rolls are cheaper than sandwiches. But YANBU, he was a selfish twat.

That’s not normal. My dh has just been out and arrived back with some Thai street food treats - just for me because he knows I will like them. Been married decades and that’s the sort of normal behaviour that makes it possible!

why didnt he jsut say can you go in please i'll prob forget all that-he lied twice there was no need

I’d think he was a controlling psychopathic arsehole.

Was it buy one get one free on the sausage rolls?

I think that he just took a bit of a lazy shortcut. Just like when, the next time he asks you if you've seen his work shoes, you hand him the nearest pair of slippers! Or you serve him cold lasagna because you couldn't be arsed to heat it up. Or when you ask him what he wants for Christmas and then hand him a book of 12 stamps because you just so happened to be in the post office!!