How would you feel if your Dh did this?

[Autumnsunshineday]

So imagine whilst out you go to a sandwich shop with your dc and Dh. Dh agrees to go in and buy the food while you wait outside with the dc.

You ask Dh to get you a cheese sandwich, second option would be a chicken sandwich or any other type of sandwich. The dc choose a sandwich each too. Dh wants a sausage roll.

Instead of sandwiches your Dh comes out with a sausage roll each for everyone. You don't like sausage rolls, you never have. So you tell your Dh you don't like sausage rolls. He then tells you that the shop had no sandwiches, and you're just being fussy. You question the fact that a sandwich shop would have no sandwiches, at all, but your Dh insists they had no sandwiches at all, the shops useless, they've run out of sandwiches, he even asked them to make one but they wouldn't.

So you say you'll nip in yourself and get something else, your Dh then tries to stop you, berating you for not just eating the sausage roll.

When you go into the shop, they are actually fully stocked with every variety sandwiches. Turns out your Dh just couldn't be bothered to pick up the different sandwiches.

Selfish idiot. Men make it really hard not to hate them when they pull shit like this

He did it because they're cheaper and he's a lazy dickhead. I would have been so pissed off.

He must know you don’t like sausage rolls, yes? It’s not as if they’re some esoteric delicacy. So he just thought if he was having one, that was good enough for you. Twat.

If you cook for him, I would cook nothing but sausage rolls for the next week and then ostentatiously lie about why-
“The supermarket had run out of all other food”
“A burglar broke into the house and stole everything else”
“The government has decreed that nothing but sausage rolls can be eaten because of the coronavirus”
If he so much as raises an eyebrow, “yes it’s annoying when people tell completely transparent lies isn’t it.”

It may seem a small thing, but gratuitous lying like that would be a real nail in the coffin for me.

You have to take control, leave the kids with him and order what you want. Has to be done now and then. I wouldn't read too much into it unless this behaviour manifests itself in other areas of family life.

Ask him one night if he wants he fav dinner.... build up to it all day and then when he comes home give him a sausage roll on a posh plate with a salad garnish.
When he questions this, explain that his fav dinner wasn’t available from the fridge and smile sweetly

I think a lot of it's tightness, with a bit of can't-be-fuckedness.

If it was a Greggs-U-Like kind of place, then you can probably get a bag of 4 sausage rolls at the counter for 99p, but each fancy sandwich can be up to £3.25 each.

Cheese might be one £1 deal, but chicken isn't.

99p versus maybe a tenner?

Yeah, tight.

"He's not generally a horrible person honestly, but he has occasionally lied about ridiculous pointless things like this. Just makes me feel a bit shit really."

"Occasionally" lied. Are you sure about that? I wouldn't be. You caught him out in this lie, because the truth was just through the door of the shop. How many times could he have lied to you, because he found it convenient to do so? How many times have you asked him to do something and it hasn't been done 'because XYZ' and you've either not thought to or couldn't verify XYZ?

And there's a good reason that it makes you feel shit - the reason being, he's treating you like shit.

Look at the list of lies he told about this one incident.

1. the shop had no sandwiches
2. repeats lie when pressed
3. the shop is useless
4. he asked them to make a sandwich
5. the shop refused to make a sandwich

And

1. He is (pretends to be?) unaware that you don't like sausage rolls
2. He tries to stop you going into the shop to get something else (because then you'll see the truth)
3. He berates you for not just eating the sausage roll (?forgetting? you don't like them). BERATES YOU!
4. He accuses you of 'making a huge deal' over a sandwich when the huge deal is his lying
5. he abdicates responsibility for his behaviour totally with his "well you go in yourself next time, it's very stressful remembering 4 peoples sandwiches"
6. He doesn't apologise for his lies until much later

He is not behaving like an adult, he is behaving like a child. A sulky, sullen child. Everything he did, he CHOSE to do. He chose not to bother about what his three nearest wanted, but to do what was most convenient to him and still got HIM what food he wanted. And stuff the rest of you, because you don't matter enough to him to just pick up the bloody sandwiches you asked him to get and he agreed to get.

Yes, it was a small incident. But it highlighted his priorities, and it seems his wife and his children are way, way down that list. If he's grovelling now, it's because he realises you might now be on to him and be asking yourself how often and to what extent and for how damned long he's been treating you like this. And he's worried you'll prioritise him as little as he prioritises you, and that could be inconvenient and this incident shows how much he does prioritise his own convenience.

And he would now be way, way down my list of priorities. His preferences and convenience would be of very little importance to me now. He'd have to be working very hard and for a considerable length of time to regain my trust.

I’d be questioning my marriage to such a lazy, selfish sod

@Sally2791

It may seem a small thing, but gratuitous lying like that would be a real nail in the coffin for me

This. Lying in relationships is pernicious

Perhaps he saw somebody in there I didn't want to talk to. Sandwich shops are well known rendezvous points for secret assingnations. Didn't Trevor Howard just nip in for a quick bite to eat in Brief Encounter. He wasn't actually drinking that tea, his mind was on her knickers the whole time. Men and sandwich shops, you can never tell !.

he didn't want to talk to

I honestly wouldn’t think it is the crime of the century!

@Sally2791 , you'd divorce your husband, separate your children from their father and suffer the slings and arrows of single parenthood over a sandwich ?. Nah, leg puller.

Yes I do think OP you are really nit picking if you’ve come on MN to listen to people telling you to end your marriage over a sandwich!!!

@Bananasinpyjamas20

I honestly wouldn’t think it is the crime of the century!

But how would you feel about a man who got you something he knows you don't like, and lied about it, because he couldn't be bothered to hold an order in his head for a minute (or type it on his phone!) and cross a shop floor for it? But made sure he got what he wanted?

I mean, it's not exactly asking him to slay a dragon, is it?

I think he was being a lazy tight shit but it’s not the end of the world

Its very stressful remembering 4 peoples sandwiches
I hope he ha a a really simple job 🤣

What he was asked to do wasn't hard. I do it all the time; my DH does it all the time. He's just selfish and doesn't give a shit about you.

Are you really expecting most people to say he was reasonable?

He sound quite selfish. We all do weird stuff sometimes but this sort of thing is quite off putting. How caring is he normally?

Did you marry a 3 year old?

It's weird that he just got you something you didn't like. But I would be angry and upset by his lying, I hate lying in any form.

Is this normal for him ?

ooh selfish git , get revenge with this one and make it good