How would you feel if your Dh did this?

[Autumnsunshineday]

So imagine whilst out you go to a sandwich shop with your dc and Dh. Dh agrees to go in and buy the food while you wait outside with the dc.

You ask Dh to get you a cheese sandwich, second option would be a chicken sandwich or any other type of sandwich. The dc choose a sandwich each too. Dh wants a sausage roll.

Instead of sandwiches your Dh comes out with a sausage roll each for everyone. You don't like sausage rolls, you never have. So you tell your Dh you don't like sausage rolls. He then tells you that the shop had no sandwiches, and you're just being fussy. You question the fact that a sandwich shop would have no sandwiches, at all, but your Dh insists they had no sandwiches at all, the shops useless, they've run out of sandwiches, he even asked them to make one but they wouldn't.

So you say you'll nip in yourself and get something else, your Dh then tries to stop you, berating you for not just eating the sausage roll.

When you go into the shop, they are actually fully stocked with every variety sandwiches. Turns out your Dh just couldn't be bothered to pick up the different sandwiches.

I’d think he was a lazy, thoughtless arsehole.

Then came the "well you go in yourself next time, it's very stressful remembering 4 peoples sandwiches".

Does he do much looking after the children, out of interest? How much of the household mental load does he take on? Because from this I'd guess that remembering all the birthdays, cards, gifts, appointments, children's parties etc is all left down to you.

Remembering 3 people's sandwiches (he's not going to forget his own ) is not even on the register of things to stress about for most women.

I'd be wondering what else he lies about, because it's not just the fucking sandwiches, I assure you. A liar is a liar about many, many things.

Sausage rolls are also cheaper than sandwiches so he has saved some money. Was it his plan?

How is it stressful to remember 4 sandwiches? Lazy, selfish idiot.

I would be furious and the grovel and cake wouldn’t have made it better tbh.

Twat (and my DH has been known to be as much of twat - the result after many occasions like this is that I actually don’t trust him if he says ‘there was no sandwiches’ :()

What a dick.

Him, not you obviously!

Learned helplessness? I can't think why else anyone would behave like this.

I'd think he was a massive lazy twat and I'd tell him so.

My ex used to do things like this... Just low level dick head behaviour and then telling lies about it! Not sure WTF is wrong with people who do this kind of crap

This would mean some very serious conversations about the future of our relationship.

As you say, it's not the sandwich, it's the lying & complete disregard for any of you.

The Fuckwit could have just come out & said, if I keep an eye on the kids can you go in & buy them. I'm a bit overwhelmed.

I'd think he was 'wet' but meh

Trouble is with lying, it just makes you wonder what else he's happy to lie about for an easy life and it makes you think much less of him that he doesn't care what his children like/want etc.

Still you said he's usually ok, he apologised & went out for cake - so is he stressing about a lot of other stuff at the moment?!

I would assume he was the type of twat to do things badly just in order to "train" people out of asking him. Because it's not hard or stressful to buy four sandwiches. It's just too much effort and he doesn't want to be helpful or reliable.

What a selfish lazy prick. How hard is it to remember 3 sandwich choices that most likely went "cheese or chicken, ham, ham and cheese "

If DH says it raining, do you look outside? The answer to that question will tell you all you need to know. I jest earlier about sprouts and the like, but in all seriousness the more I think about it, the more I think I would be annoyed and the only word I can think of to describe it is pathetic. The lying about it ... pathetic, the not being able to manage 4 sandwich orders....pathetic!!

Just makes me feel a bit shit really

And this is the point. You end up feeling like shit and questioning whether you are being unreasonable when he is the one who couldn’t be bothered to remember a sandwich order, got what he wanted for himself didn’t care if you liked your food and then lied about what he had done.

I’d just find this exhausting.

it's very stressful remembering 4 peoples sandwiches this really made me laugh! Hope he's not got a high pressure job poor thing.

I would think he was a twat for doing it and lying, but the big apology does at least help.

But if the lying happens a lot it'll be a big thing.

He's a prat twice over. One for trying to convince you that a sandwich shop doesn't sandwiches in stock and two, for trying to stop you from going inside to find out for yourself. It's laziness, pure and simple.

I’m glad he has apologised but what a weird, annoying and pointless lie!

Very selfish of him. Also makes you feel very unimportant in my experience. The most annoying thing would have been the trying to stop me going in myself.

Sausage rolls are also cheaper than sandwiches so he has saved some money. Was it his plan?

Not if he's the only one that likes sausage rolls and he knows this. Then it's a waste of money.

So he'd rather see you and his children eat some crappy sausage roll instead of a (presumably) decent fresh sandwich? Nice to see where you all feature in his priority list.

Now grovelling with cake? Meh.

He's a passive-aggressive shit and even though he apologised that's part of his headfucking game - do you see what I mean? Trying to make you look unreAsonable and ungrateful and getting a lot of satisfaction in winding you up.

Quite possibly a "payback" for something minor you did/said that he hasn't got the guts to actually discuss upfront like a normal adult.

I'd be pissed off that he had done something that inconvenienced me just to make his life fractionally easier. And I'd be very upset and hurt that he had out and out lied to me

Maybe he has a sandwich phobia

The Fuckwit could have just come out & said, if I keep an eye on the kids can you go in & buy them. I'm a bit overwhelmed. I'd think he was 'wet' but meh

Yes. Or done what every damn woman would have done and written a list on his phone or a scrap of paper. But that would have involved mental drudgery labour and god forbid he have to do that