live streamed funeral without my permission

[geeta2002]

my father in law died two weeks ago of terminal cancer, we held his funeral yesterday and as a family decided not to live stream his funeral, all the people that mattered to him and supported us as a family attended. His dying wish was that he didn't want his ex-wife who he hated to attend the funeral, but she phoned the crematorium up and managed to get the live stream set up without our permission. She then passed this onto 'family and friends'.
Myself, my husband and my sister-in-law are very strict with 'broadcasting' our children over social media or any form of streaming over the internet yet this was done again without our permission. My husband is ready to sue the crematorium but do we have a leg to stand on?

Have you at least spoken to the crematorium about it and found out the reasons why they didn't respect your wishes?

You should certainly express your feelings to the crem and FD but threatening to sue sounds a bit like displaced grief emerging as anger and is unlikely to help the grieving process.

Are funerals like weddings in that they are public ceremonies and anyone can attend? This may be why they live-streamed it during covid times and maybe they didn't need your consent.

I'd raise hell with the crematorium. But were they divorced or is she still legally next of kin?

The crematorium should sty oat have checked with the funeral director, not just take instruction from a random caller.
I would suggest you find out if the FD was aware as your issue will then be with them.
If id given out details for a webcast without specific instruction from the next of kin I wouldn't still have a job.

Public ceremony.
She could have attended in person.

I’d be unhappy with this too and would be speaking to the crematorium to see why they live streamed without permission

It happened, it's over, let it go.

How do you know the ex wife did it?

How was it live streamed. Are you saying the crematorium staff arranged this.

@Lineofconcepcion that's harsh. I too would feel very upset by this situation. A funeral is a very emotional event and I can't imagine too many people who would feel happy about the fact someone was actually filming it all and sharing that filming with others, perhaps people you've never even met. I think it's horribly invasive. It's the ex-wife you should be fuming with though- so disrespectful of her to share the link with other people.

@Twizbe yes I know. I reported myself.

I think as others have said, it's a public thing and you dont get to say who cant come (or watch it atm with limited numbers) like anyone can attend a wedding.

Sorry for your loss.

Funerals are not for the dead, they are for the living. Your FIL may have hated his ex-wife, but that does not mean that she feels the same way.

Taking legal action against the crematorium over this matter seems somewhat tasteless tbh. The streaming of your children is a weak argument given the context.

I would want to find out how this happened - in our family someone approached the vicar and misled him about their relationship with the deceased in order to try and get the arrangements changed. It was only the vicar knowing the family situation which made him double check. So I'd definitely look into it, but would hold back in complaining etc until you know the full story. For instance she may have phoned up pretending to be you.

we can't contact the crem until monday, as for the grow up comment I find that a bit harsh. We were just trying to respect his wishes, she took everything from him when she had an affair. His house, money and tried to take the children.
The other issue is we do not know who she gave the link to, that was why we didn't live stream it in the first place because we did not trust her.

How do you know this happened?

I'd feel the same as you OP. It desegregated the wishes of your FIL. It broadcast the grief of your family to strangers. It is disrespectful I n the most awful ways.

I would raise hell and would absolutely look at suing them. Not for any financial benefit of course, anything like that could go to cause in FILs name, but because I would want to feel like I had done everything possible to uphold FILs wishes and hold people accountable who hadn't.

It's also a public service as if crematoriums know they may face legal action it might make them somewhat more mindful about adhering to families wishes.

Did you specifically request that the crematorium people did not live-stream the funeral?

Your title says 'without your permission' surely its not your choice to make?

Calmly speak to them yes, threaten to sue a tad dramatic if an actual serious thought and not just said as a vent

ftm202020 might well have a point if it's in a church but as you had rejected the live stream you should at least have been told it was happening. When an aunt died we had a cremation, there was no service, we were left on our own to have a family service of readings and music. Actually much more meaning.

Not everyone wants every aspect of their life on social media so I can understand OP's objections. If you contact fb perhaps you can get this removed.

you don't get ownership over a funeral though? isn't everyone who wishes allowed to pay their respects? I really think clinging onto this and pursuing suing the place is a bit much - let it go and move on!

It's not a big deal.

Will it make you feel better if you sue them?