live streamed funeral without my permission

[geeta2002]

my father in law died two weeks ago of terminal cancer, we held his funeral yesterday and as a family decided not to live stream his funeral, all the people that mattered to him and supported us as a family attended. His dying wish was that he didn't want his ex-wife who he hated to attend the funeral, but she phoned the crematorium up and managed to get the live stream set up without our permission. She then passed this onto 'family and friends'.
Myself, my husband and my sister-in-law are very strict with 'broadcasting' our children over social media or any form of streaming over the internet yet this was done again without our permission. My husband is ready to sue the crematorium but do we have a leg to stand on?

I meant to add that when I said in general, funerals should be inclusive as possible, there are examples when it would be inappropriate for someone to attend. What about an abusive/violent ex husband for example?

I feel for you @geeta2002 having been through a close relative’s funeral during Covid. I can understand why it feels like an intrusion and a breech of what you wanted for your FiL, based on his wishes. I also know how difficult it can be to restrict people who feel they should be present and are prepared to be quite unpleasant about not being able to attend. I was quite amazed by the politics of a Covid funeral.

Have a word with the crematorium when a few days have past so that you can do it calmly and see whether this is an automatic public event broadcast and whether you could have opted out or not. I think they and the funeral directors would want to know in case they need to look at their processes for accepting instructions. But beyond that calm enquiry don’t do anything more; life is hard enough without going into battle at this point. We have to be careful we don’t funnel our sadness into rumination and anger about someone else’s behaviour or error as it will change nothing - I say this as someone who has had to stop myself getting bitter about some behaviour around my relative’s death. What is it Buddha said?

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”

This is a huge breach of protocol. Any arrangement for streaming should be arranged with the person responsible for the funeral usually through the funeral director. This service is normally provided by a specialist company such as Wesley Music or Obitus who have the equipment permanently installed and it is charged for. It is not public and a login is needed to watch.
Although the funeral service is technically public if the family have requested the certain people be excluded neither the FD or the Church or Crematorium is likely to argue. I find it extraordinary that a venue would accept such a request without checking with the FD.

@Cantthinkofausename

Your title says 'without your permission' surely its not your choice to make?

What do you mean? Whose choice would it be if not the family's?

out of order id put in a complaint dont know about suing though

my dh ex wont be invited if i have anything to do with it

@Tomatoesneedtoripen

she was married to him, op whatever your thoughts they do have a shared history

It wasn’t OP who didn’t want the woman there, it was her FIL, the person who died.

Report for breach of gdpr to ico, on the part of your children, their images are sensitive information and should not have been live streamed without your specific permission, the public have a right to attend but not to record or share.
Leave all other emotion out of it

@TheQueef

Public ceremony. She could have attended in person.

I am currently the organiser of a funeral to be held next week.

Nobody will be allowed to attend unless I have put their names on the track and trace form.

We also have some issues with some individuals (not relatives) and have specified that this is a private funeral. Funerals are not always public and they certainly aren’t at the moment.

I actually think most people here are totally missing the point.

So the wife who made FILs life hell does also impose her will after he is dead. I can totally understand your upset OP, not sure if funeral homes can be reviewed, but if there is a place where you can put a review, I'd do that and mention it.

Also, how many of you would be happy with ranom strangers at your wedding ffs (for those who say it's public and by law fine for everyone to attend).

Anyways OP, contact the funeral home, complain and see what happens.

@silverPersephone

Report for breach of gdpr to ico, on the part of your children, their images are sensitive information and should not have been live streamed without your specific permission, the public have a right to attend but not to record or share. Leave all other emotion out of it

You have no idea what GDPR is or even stands for, do you.

What do you mean? Whose choice would it be if not the family’s?

I also was surprised at the “without my permission”. I am not expecting to have a say in my father in laws funeral, that is up to his wife and sons.

It’s not a data breach @silverPersephone.

Yes it is as an a recognisable image is personal data

@Lockheart yes I do know about gdpr thank you

Hey @geeta2002 - I can understand how pissed off everyone might be about this "breach" of FIL wishes, but maybe your grief is exacerbating the situation. Clearly he disliked his ex wife enough to ask that she didn't attend: and she didn't, in person, the crem allowed her to participate at a distance. Perhaps look at it this way.

I remember my uncle attending his XMIL funeral. He arrived after everyone had sat down. And left before everyone was ready to leave. His XW (my aunt) didn't even know he was there, he was very discreet.

Yes XW unashamedly broadcast the fact: but don't let you grief and anger at FILs death make this more than it really, truly is.

Processing data has to be with permission or pass one of the tests, at the very least the FD/ cream should have a policy confirming which test it passes to live stream her children, I could be wrong but that's the question I would be asking

@silverPersephone

Processing data has to be with permission or pass one of the tests, at the very least the FD/ cream should have a policy confirming which test it passes to live stream her children, I could be wrong but that's the question I would be asking

Her children weren't live streamed, unless they were actually sitting on the coffin.

@TheQueef

Public ceremony. She could have attended in person.

No she couldn't - hey are limiting numbest AYTM.

It's 15 here.

As the dead have no rights any lawsuit would need to be related to the living. If living people were filmed without your permission then absolutely go ahead

Her children weren't live streamed, unless they were actually sitting on the coffin.

I have just snorted in a manner most inappropriately.

silverPersephone, you are working on the assumption that it live-streamed the children which, from my experience of watching two funerals live-streamed, it doesn't. I could only see the people who got up to speak at the funeral, not the guests.

This is all about control, isn't it? It's not actually about any harm or damage. Your FIL is dead, he doesn't know what happened.

I work at a crematorium. We don't take requests from family members. Everything must be ordered with the funeral director, as our webcasting is provided by a third party and is chargable (a lot of crematoriums use the same system) might be worth checking your funeral director d didn't arrange it rather than the Crematorium. A lot of crematorium havnt been charging for webcasting(live streaming) so Funeral Directors have just been booking them and giving details out to anyone who calls.

Her children weren’t live streamed, unless they were sitting on the coffin.

😊

I am glad you have clarified because after reading the thread, I had made a note to call the funeral director dealing with my relatives funeral to ensure there will be no panning the mourner shots!

It's not a big deal.

Well, clearly it is to the family of the gentleman who died.

I can't quite believe some of the comments here.

The camera is usually fixed, focussed on an area covering speakers and coffin. No congregation are shown. No camera operator stood there panning the room.