AIBU for wanting to resign my job and cut contact

[unleashingtheflyingmonkeys]

I've been made redundant twice this year. COVID19 has been a bitch. Been offered a new job. Started 2 weeks ago. Love the job, love my colleagues, its permanent, with wfh days. Salary is fine so far so good.

Had a friend who already worked there. Same position as me. Weve been close friends years. Worked together before and never had a problem.
Last time, I was promoted over her (I was offered the job, she didn't even apply but had made rumblings she wanted progression so was pissed she wasn't thought of). She made a big thing of refusing to work for me, that she'd never work for a friend, it was demeaning etc. She was put with another manager and when I did have to cover, made sure I was sensitive to her feelings, treated her professionally and with respect. No issues. I applied on the website, was interviewed by management *not her) and we are theoretically same level aside from she trains people on different aspects (and thinks she's running the show).

Shes been a nightmare since I started. I think she's scoring points after last time. She's talking to me like shit in front of my colleagues, pulling me up on minor things my boss doesn't have an issue with, making sly digs all day, spent the day telling the office who she was going to sleep with at the weekend which was cringe. Id walk into a room it would go quiet and then laughter would start when I'd left. All I'd hear is whispering all day then normal volume conversations about work related things. Ive never felt so uncomfortable. There is more which would be more identifying than i already have been, but enough to make colleagues ask why if we are friends does she talk to me like that. I was supposed to be training yesterday and she didn't speak a word to me.

I usually do quite a lot for her 3 boys. School runs, babysitting, over night stays, had them 2 weeks while she went to a family funeral in Ireland. Constant last minute emergencies which stopped when I needed to downsize my car for financial reasons. I have 2 boys myself. Im a single parent. She got a bit funny then.

I know this won't get any better. Her and my line manager are inseperable (he fancies the pants off her and doesnt hide it). I know she'll get worse. I was so miserable yesterday I came home and cried and thats not like me.

Aibu for leaving and cutting off contact with her. Im in probation so dont know how much notice I need to give. Only had my contract through yesterday which I need to sign. I have been offered a lower paying lower prospects job but I think I'd be in for hell if I stayed. I dont know what to do.

Could you bring it up with YOUR line manager?

I don't think the word 'friend' is appropriate and would be massively reconsidering her role in your life tbh.
If you're close could you pull her up on it outside of work and ask what on earth she's playing at?

Well yanbu to feel that way. What a bitch, she is certainly no friend so please never do another personal job for her ever again. The friendship is over so dont stress about that shes the one who is to blame.

As for the job only you can decide how much to take. I personally would stay until i found another even keel job same pay same opportunity etc. If you take on the lesser paid less progression job thrn surely after a year you will just be looking for a new job again which doesnt seem great on a cv voluntary leaving a lot of jobs. I would stick it out for say another 2 months until you can find something better and ignore her as much as possible. Put in complaints if she carries on every single time.

Honestly, life is to short to be miserable at work when you can afford to leave.

It sounds to me like she has never been a friend, she's a user who isn't bothering to be nice now you can't help her.

She’s being a total bitch. If you don’t think things are going to change and you have the opportunity to walk away then I would, from both the job and her.

Is there anyone you can talk to? If others have noticed that she is treating you badly then surely you can raise this with HR?

You’re a single mum, don’t let this woman bully you out of a good job that you live!! Complain to HR. If that doesn’t work have a thick skin and play her at her own game. Don’t give up yours and your children’s source of income over it!!!

We both have the same line manager who worships the ground she walks on. He thinks she can do no wrong and has even taken her out for dates etc. So I think I'd be on shaky ground there being new.

I tried to take her aside yesterday to ask her about something work related, she told me to wait as she was dealing with something important and I should be noting down what she says (I was asking for the code for the door that she had forgotten to give me). Someone from HR walked in and she was falling over herself 'is everything ok, let me show you the door'. We got downstairs, and i asked if everything was OK, had I done something to upset her, if so I apologise. She told me to stop being needy and that she doesnt think we could be friends anymore as it doesn't look professional and shes trying to progress. So strictly work related from now on. I was like ok fine. Then when I went to the photocopier she arranged with 3 other women to go out for lunch and my line manager and left me in the office by myself. Blasted the pics all over social media of her 'girls' making the most of hump day.

I unfollowed her. Sat quietly and got on. It was so bad one of the women came and sat by me after she got an early finish (to get her nails done before lockdown) and said not to worry about her and im doing well. I hadn't said anything she just sat down and started talking. Im wfh today with not a clue what to do and im too scared to ask her in case she kicks off.

If you can afford to take the lower paid job then do it. I agree with pp that life is too short to be miserable at work and your health is more important. She is not a friend so cut all ties with her and move on.

I only wrote YABU as I don’t think you should let her bully you out.But YANBU to be upset by this.Any hope of you styling it out with being super cheerful and acting as if you don’t notice?Try not to be hurt, she’s clearly just a bitch.

Raise it with your line managers line manager. Explain everything. You won’t be the only one she has alienated, however you might be able to stop it happening to someone else in future.

She isn’t a friend of yours. I would look for a new job too.

She's not your friend.

If you're going to leave, then there's nothing to lose by approaching your line manager. Having a very strong word and follow up with a letter. Go over his head too.

Might as well go with a bang.

You seem good at getting new jobs - and good at doing them when this 'friend' isn't in the way - so I'd switch to the new job for now, stick it out there for a while and keep your eyes peeled for better prospects. What you've described is unbearable and I don't see how HR can sort it if she's intent on being such a bitch and has management backing her. Take the other job, make your point when you leave (hopefully affecting her plans to progress!) and never have any contact with her ever again. The last part is the most important. She's shown her true colours and there's no going back from that.

If at all possible, I'd try to stick it out and let your work colleagues see her true colours. Why should she be able to bully you out of a job that sounds perfect for you and your family?
Spend more time with the woman who came to sit with you yesterday. Show your LM you're a capable and valuable employee, but won't be a pushover keep a record if incidents in case you need to raise a complaint of bullying.
Every time she speaks form to you or obstructs your work, mentally call her a bitch. And know that everyone around her is probably thinking the same.
You'll soon get the hang of the procedures, door codes etc and will be able to minimise the need to have anything to do with her.
She's a user and was never your friend.

I would just look for a new job...
She is not your friend...
Do your work and ignore all the chappy lunch stuff...
If you're not going to bring it up with anyone and I agree sounds pointless just movd on ...then be glad you never have to see her again. .

She sounds like an absolute twat. I would look for a new job - a higher paying one and cut her out of your life - no contact whatsoever. If she asks why - tell her. Let’s see how much she misses your help with her children. Sorry OP.

Start looking for something else, get an offer and leave. I wouldn't leave without a job unless you can truly afford it.

Don't let her disadvantage you by taking a worse-paid job if you are able to cope with the nastiness, especially if you are a single parent and every pound of pay cut will impact on your DC's lifestyle. It isn't easy woking in awful environments but, if you can, I would entirely disengage with her outside work and try and ride it out in work and make it harder for them. Think of it as an exercise in building your 'managing difficult people and circumstances' skills/developing a rhino-hide. Apply for any better-paid jobs you may see rather than lower-paid jobs as a fall-back. Document the favouritism but try and try and stick it out. She may have been a friend who feels threatened or she may only ever have been a taker though it doesn't really matter either way, she is not acting like a friend ever would.

Good luck.

She is not your friend and is actively bullying you. Unfortunately my experience of people like this is they rarely change as their issues are deep seated and they don't think they have a problem. You are the problem in her head. If you are able to get another job that will tied you over it may be better for your self esteem and mental health to move. Totally unfair as you have done nothing wrong but rabid dogs are best avoided. Perhaps work on any people pleasing tendencies you may have and I say that as someone who did lots of favours and kindnesses to people in the past who wiped their feet on me. It doesn't work. Some people are just toxic and you need to find your tribe that treat you with respect.

Take the other job and block her make sure HR know it is a toxic working environment that is naking you leave never ask them for a reference actually deny you ever worked there

Block the bitch dont just unfollow actively block her

We both have the same line manager who worships the ground she walks on. He thinks she can do no wrong and has even taken her out for dates etc. So I think I'd be on shaky ground there being new.

Wow, how inappropriate! I'm torn here. On the one hand, this is completely wrong, your 'friend' is no friend and this shouldn't be allowed to continue. That part of me would say take it to HR and explain exactly why you're not comfortable speaking to your line manager.

On the other hand, if your 'friend' is, we'll liked and both she and your line manager are spoken to, will it make things worse? Can you really settle there? Would you want to? It sounds, a bit of a toxic place to work with everyone playing along - tbey all sound as bad as each other.

Could you put up with it for a while and see how things pan out jon martketwise?

I wouldn’t let her force you out of the job unless you are very confident that you can get another equally well paid and interesting job. I’d maybe give it longer.

I would raise this with hr including the issue with the line manager. Mention the word bullying a lot

I would take the lower paid job if you could afford to as a stop gap.

She is a bully. She won’t change she is not your friend completely block her out of your life.

You need to be more assertive. She’s a bitch, and it’s clear other people can see it. However you are letting her do this, and no-one will step in unless you show you are prepared to stand up for yourself. So. Friendship is over. No more childcare. If she speaks to you rudely tell her out loud: ‘don’t speak to me like that‘. Don’t apologise. Ask other people who seem approachable for help and information, and not her. Even if you decide to move on, start looking and let it be to a job that you want to go to, don’t rush into something because of her behaviour.

She sounds awful. What a cunt.

I would try with management, give it a shot, you say you love job and colleagues so it's worth saving.

Tell them she's pulling you up on stuff they haven't mentioned as well as bullying so you are clear on who to take instructions from and agree with them you will ONLY take instructions from them... but in the meantime I would pull her up in front of everyone every time she talks to you like shit.

Just let her finish her bitchy rant then calmly say something like, "Karen I'd prefer it if you spoke to me professionally".

Repeat.

Avoid her as much as possible so she can't make digs just to you.

If she tries to give you instructions or tell you what you've done wrong, say "I've spoken to line manager and we've agreed I'm only to take direction from him."

Arrange lunches out with allies within the business.

That’s a really sad situation. Whatever you choose to do make sure you make notes on her behaviour so that you can either raise it with HR or so that you can keep it and remember her appalling behaviour once you have left to make sure you never forget how she operates.
I wouldn’t raise it with her (as it sounds you’ve already tried) but I would consider reporting her for bullying as if she does this to your replacement or other women then at least it is on record.