she doesnt think we could be friends anymore as it doesn't look professional and shes trying to progress yet she doesn’t think shagging “the boss” counts as unprofessional?!
Wtf!
Not exactly same situation as this person was a stranger to me but I was bullied out of my last job and while that’s not the only reason, it’s one of the reasons why I haven’t worked since (I have mh issues which this person knew and used as part of the bullying - major gaslighting!!)
I very much regret what I did which was to go sick and eventually left WITHOUT raising a formal complaint of any kind against her.
With hindsight, I now think if I in the future or you are at the point of seriously considering leaving anyway...then you’ve nothing to lose from complaining!
She’s behaving absolutely appallingly - and NOT just to you - involving subordinates in this bullying is quite possibly causing them stress and indecision too - because it’s very hard to complain about another person being treated badly, we’re unfortunately (especially women) socialised not to “interfere” PLUS at this time people are fearful of job loss.
Go over the line managers head (in my case it WAS my line manager) BECAUSE he too is behaving unprofessionally by at best not noticing and at worst does notice and either isn’t dealing with it or even worse colluding!
A good line manager notices these things and nips them in the bud!
It’s actually good you know others have noticed as it means that WHEN management/HR investigate they will likely speak up.
However, do bear in mind that HR don’t exist to support employees but to protect the company from the consequences of poor practice. From bad rep to being sued so don’t be wishy-washy in your dealings with them, be clear this is unacceptable, unprofessional and even illegal behaviour and you expect them to deal with it appropriately.
Ultimately at best the friendship is gone (her loss! And her doing!) and even once censured she will probably simply be civil and not friendly at work so you need to decide if that’s good enough, manageable for you and pps are right - life is too short to put up with loads of crap at work!
Having read update on thu re encouraging you to apply (because she thought she could control you) and other colleagues cardigan (?!) I would drop her right in it with HR about EVERYTHING including purloining parts of your new work kit! Totally inappropriate comments to make and she is ACTIVELY creating a “hostile working environment” (use those EXACT words with HR)
I strongly suspect you will discover
High staff turnover particularly in relation to those having to work closely with her
(upon leaving my last job I coincidentally through a hobby met the partner of the person who’d been the previous incumbent. Turns out they’d outright LIED about why she left the post - they claimed she went travelling in Asia! - and that I was the 8th person in that role in just under 2 years
They KNEW the line manager was the problem - this was why she wasn’t present at the panel interview stage - but that because she had been with the company over 30 years - so would get a hefty “redundancy” package if they tried that tactic - and was also physically disabled and very clear with them that if they attempted to get rid she’d rain hell down on them on that basis, so they were pretty much too afraid of her to deal with her! Frankly I think that’s pathetic! Her line manager contacted me when I handed in my notice and specifically asked if there were an issue with her, and I very much regret not saying so, but by that point I was so ill, and so beaten down - not just by her/the situation I had other stuff going on too - that I let that opportunity pass me by. I’ve even had points where I’ve felt like calling him back and saying “yes! She was a fucking nightmare and the management knew and should have bloody well dealt with her!” Even though it’s been almost 10 years now!
That you are FAR from the only one she is bullying
That upper management may even suspect but have felt unable to act due to lack of complaints? (This is bullshit by the way but I’ve come across this excuse before! Not just in the last job I had but another job where there was a huge bullying issue throughout a particular dept which I fortunately was not part of but I had a friend in that dept and I reported my own observances from when I had dealings with them and the management were “relieved” to have “a reason to investigate” piss poor management there in many ways to be honest)
When I was at a point of looking into making a possible claim of constructive dismissal (which I was told I had a case for) I came across the following phrase:
People JOIN good companies and LEAVE bad bosses!
So so true!
Regarding not allowing it to impact dc - would you make your dc have contact with a child that bullies them because you’re friends with their parent? No! I’m sure your dc won’t expect this either if you explain to them and I’m sure they have many other friends anyway, it’s sad but necessary.
I think it’s important you DO cite the real reasons in exit interview because the line manager’s fucked up here too - it’s also their fault this company is losing a valued member of staff.
Send a copy of those notes to yourself personal email address, away from the company servers. yes! I did this (against policy) with some of the type of emails mine was deleting from my work emails to make it look as if I was incompetent/hadn’t informed people of deadlines etc (that was one of the things she was doing, if a colleague was out of office when I sent them emails like this she’d delete from their work emails to in order that they were unaware of such info and it ended up being my fault supposedly)
Wow! And now you have her shitty attitude in writing! I’d be tempted to draw her into writing exactly how she plans to get you to leave but unfortunately you’ve said you’re leaving.
Not only a nasty bitch but stupid too!
I cant actually believe there are actually grown women who behave like this. my bully was in her 60’s and a grandmother!
How on earth is she managing to get the other staff to avoid you?? this is a common occurrence in bullying situations surely you know that? Others feel drawn into colluding partly to avoid the wrath of the bully themselves!
Please wind her up by telling her the salary was too good to turn down!
Yep!
Olive branch texts aka furious back-pedalling cos she knows you could land her in the shit!
She called me a needy c one day last week -quietly enough I thought only I heard, turns out someone else has to - and is disgusted ha! Good! Karma headed her way already! She must be shitting a brick!
Good!!!