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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU for wanting to resign my job and cut contact

195 replies

unleashingtheflyingmonkeys · 17/09/2020 08:38

I've been made redundant twice this year. COVID19 has been a bitch. Been offered a new job. Started 2 weeks ago. Love the job, love my colleagues, its permanent, with wfh days. Salary is fine so far so good.

Had a friend who already worked there. Same position as me. Weve been close friends years. Worked together before and never had a problem.
Last time, I was promoted over her (I was offered the job, she didn't even apply but had made rumblings she wanted progression so was pissed she wasn't thought of). She made a big thing of refusing to work for me, that she'd never work for a friend, it was demeaning etc. She was put with another manager and when I did have to cover, made sure I was sensitive to her feelings, treated her professionally and with respect. No issues. I applied on the website, was interviewed by management *not her) and we are theoretically same level aside from she trains people on different aspects (and thinks she's running the show).

Shes been a nightmare since I started. I think she's scoring points after last time. She's talking to me like shit in front of my colleagues, pulling me up on minor things my boss doesn't have an issue with, making sly digs all day, spent the day telling the office who she was going to sleep with at the weekend which was cringe. Id walk into a room it would go quiet and then laughter would start when I'd left. All I'd hear is whispering all day then normal volume conversations about work related things. Ive never felt so uncomfortable. There is more which would be more identifying than i already have been, but enough to make colleagues ask why if we are friends does she talk to me like that. I was supposed to be training yesterday and she didn't speak a word to me.

I usually do quite a lot for her 3 boys. School runs, babysitting, over night stays, had them 2 weeks while she went to a family funeral in Ireland. Constant last minute emergencies which stopped when I needed to downsize my car for financial reasons. I have 2 boys myself. Im a single parent. She got a bit funny then.

I know this won't get any better. Her and my line manager are inseperable (he fancies the pants off her and doesnt hide it). I know she'll get worse. I was so miserable yesterday I came home and cried and thats not like me.

Aibu for leaving and cutting off contact with her. Im in probation so dont know how much notice I need to give. Only had my contract through yesterday which I need to sign. I have been offered a lower paying lower prospects job but I think I'd be in for hell if I stayed. I dont know what to do.

OP posts:
Noshowlomo · 17/09/2020 17:31

What a biiiiatch!
First- no more baby sitting, strictly professional as she says. And if she asks, just a "no" will do.
Second- play her at her own game. She makes bitchy remarks, be super caring and all "are you ok work bitch obvs insert real name you seem really tetchy and angry today. And just keep smiling!

BlueJava · 17/09/2020 17:56

Gosh OP that sounds awful, I have to say I'd take the new job and get it signed and sealed quickly. If you don't have a signed contract with your current place then I don't think you any any notice period at all.

I have to say I was really interested in your thread as I had similar - although nothing like as bad as you are experiencing and she wasn't seeing the boss. But she recommended I apply for a job where she was working (we had worked together before), but then when I was brought in I was more senior and I negotiated a better deal. I don't how she found this out but I didn't tell her. Some days she would be ok with me, on others you could cut the atmosphere with a knife. The boss was nice he said he could see it wasn't me - to this day I have no idea why it went so wrong or why she encouraged me to apply in the first place. My problem ended when she was made redundant. But good luck sorting your situation out - I'd hot foot it out of there if I were you and you have an offer.

BlueThistles · 17/09/2020 18:09

Take the new job and cut her off, and I would tell HR exactly why you have chosen to take the new job, undermined unsupported ridiculed bullied.. just awful 🌺

Takingontheworld · 17/09/2020 18:39

She sounds absolutely vile. Please quit and do a Bridget jones and tell the whole office what s cheeky fucking bitch she is. That you will no longer be babysitting, helping in emergencies or be her punching bag to feed her ego after you were promoted above her in previous job.

I'm so angry for you!

Ariela · 17/09/2020 18:47

Tot up the savings on the extra travel (don't forget you could take commuting to work off your use of car for insurance purposes) and you'll hopefully find the savings equate to not as great a dip in salary to take the new post offered.

badfurday · 17/09/2020 18:50

She's sounds like a complete nobhead.

You sound lovely, but she is taking you for a mug. She clearly feels threatened by you.
I'd tell them to stick the job and tell her to do one. She's using you for what she wants and not giving anything back, that's not normal. If my best mate started working where I was I'd be chuffed and help her as much as I could. You want friends to succeed!

Thehop · 17/09/2020 18:56

Take the other job, life’s too short.

LannieDuck · 17/09/2020 18:59

How much contact will you have to have with her once you've been trained?

(And no more favours.)

DeeThree · 17/09/2020 19:23

I'm torn between wanting to be more assertive and not seeing the point in battling this out
OP, this point you made really struck me - I can completely understand. However I think because you're so new, and you have an alternative option, I think you should go. Nothing will get easier, and you'll spend your whole time battling her out wondering what she'll do next. Leave with your sanity intact!
Sorry you're going through this Flowers

combatbarbie · 18/09/2020 08:37

Have you tried the age old MN classic line of "did you mean to be so rude..." with a head tilt next time she speaks down to you.

cakewench · 18/09/2020 09:24

I agree with what has been advised above- accept the other job, put in your notice at this one and have a meeting with line manager and someone from HR to detail why. Write everything down and hand it to them if you think you're going to get upset. If you look at these things in isolation they might not look serious but once you've got the full list, it's clear it's targeted harassment.

It's a shame but there's absolutely no way I'd be able to stay at this job if I were you. She sounds like a truly awful person.

SerenityNowwwww · 18/09/2020 09:30

wow - take the job. As advised above - write it all down - everything - and ask for a meeting with HR (before handing in your notice so they might actually take it seriously. I am sure someone on here will give you the correct wording so that they think a lawsuit might be coming their way f they dont take it seriously.

Cut her off - the gloves are off now. You dont need to play nice. Cool and professional in the office but no more favours, no more doormat. If you feel able - tell her what a XXXX she is.

unleashingtheflyingmonkeys · 18/09/2020 13:46

If ive not even been there a week yet, how much notice do I need to give. Not clear in the contract

OP posts:
unleashingtheflyingmonkeys · 18/09/2020 13:55

Im having the day from hell again. Not one person has spoken to me again today. No are you OK, how you getting on, do you need help. Until she leaves the room then they'll speak. She has made it clear she won't offer me any help or advice via text last night. Told me im not a good fit for the team in more ways from one and shes not wasting her time on someone she'll make sures isn't staying. Im like do you know what, ok then, im going. Im writing my resignation now with an attached bullying grievance. Ive been through too much, am too old and tired for this. Not paid enough for this bs.

OP posts:
WeeWelshWoman · 18/09/2020 13:56

Take the new job. Give one week's notice. Never speak to this woman again.

newnameforthis123 · 18/09/2020 13:58

Good for you, get yourself out of there and into something new. Nothing is worth this stress and this soon in, when you have a perfectly reasonable bullying grievance I don't think you'll need to work any notice period.

She sounds like an absolute cunt. A bully. She must be such a horrible person to behave this way.

Sending you lots of positive thoughts Thanks

Takingontheworld · 18/09/2020 14:14

Keep those texts as part of that bullying grievance.

Good for you OP.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 18/09/2020 14:15

Well, on the up side everyone will know what a bully she is if she’s engineered a situation where they don’t dare talk to you in her presence.

I’d give a week’s notice and see what they say. If they try to insist on more I’d talk to ACAS or similar to find the legal position, especially if you don’t have a signed contract in place.

hettie · 18/09/2020 14:17

Send a copy of the text in with your exit info....

GotOutOfBedOnTheWrongSide · 18/09/2020 14:17

OP I was of the opinion that you should stay but after reading how down you are i think your doing the right thing. I cant actually believe there are actually grown women who behave like this. I'm sorry this new job has turned to shit but there will be other opportunities without being made to feel like your 5 years old.

Panicwiththebisto · 18/09/2020 14:25

Info from uk gov re notice

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 18/09/2020 14:31

I'd normally say fight it out, but if you have another offer on the table then take it. Take it, take it, take it. Life is too fucking short for that.

But I'd be going down in a blaze of glory. Full disclosure to HR, including the relationship with the line manager. HR HATE when people leave after a week, all that recruitment effort for nothing. Formal grievance before you go. Block her on social media and stop doing favours for her! She is NOT YOUR FRIEND.

BlueThistles · 18/09/2020 14:36

this is truly appalling, I've never heard of such atrocious behaviour to go unchallenged, both she and the horny dog boss need sacked.

AdoreTheBeach · 18/09/2020 14:40

OP, you’re doing the right thing. She had it out for you purely too make herself look bigger - it’ll eventually have the opposite effect.

Leave now and take the other job. You’ve not been there a week and she’s already texting you she wants you to leave.

As others have suggested, ensure HR sees these texts and write up the things she has done as well as her dating her line manager.

Nine if this will impact your new job if they don’t know you d been working there. Forget that you ever worked there. It’s not relevant to your career

It is relevant for cutting her out of your life. Keep those texts so you’ll always remember her words and actions as she’ll surely try to rewrite history later dune the line.

Frankly, I’d try not to encourage the friendships between your children I’m not sure you’d want your children being subjected to any interaction with her.

Best of luck to you

combatbarbie · 18/09/2020 14:42

How on earth is she managing to get the other staff to avoid you?? In fact do you know what OP that says more about them than you to be honest and I would also mention that in your grievance.

She is a piece of work..... Please tell me where you work, I'd love to come and knock her down a peg or two.