AIBU for wanting to resign my job and cut contact

[unleashingtheflyingmonkeys]

I've been made redundant twice this year. COVID19 has been a bitch. Been offered a new job. Started 2 weeks ago. Love the job, love my colleagues, its permanent, with wfh days. Salary is fine so far so good.

Had a friend who already worked there. Same position as me. Weve been close friends years. Worked together before and never had a problem.
Last time, I was promoted over her (I was offered the job, she didn't even apply but had made rumblings she wanted progression so was pissed she wasn't thought of). She made a big thing of refusing to work for me, that she'd never work for a friend, it was demeaning etc. She was put with another manager and when I did have to cover, made sure I was sensitive to her feelings, treated her professionally and with respect. No issues. I applied on the website, was interviewed by management *not her) and we are theoretically same level aside from she trains people on different aspects (and thinks she's running the show).

Shes been a nightmare since I started. I think she's scoring points after last time. She's talking to me like shit in front of my colleagues, pulling me up on minor things my boss doesn't have an issue with, making sly digs all day, spent the day telling the office who she was going to sleep with at the weekend which was cringe. Id walk into a room it would go quiet and then laughter would start when I'd left. All I'd hear is whispering all day then normal volume conversations about work related things. Ive never felt so uncomfortable. There is more which would be more identifying than i already have been, but enough to make colleagues ask why if we are friends does she talk to me like that. I was supposed to be training yesterday and she didn't speak a word to me.

I usually do quite a lot for her 3 boys. School runs, babysitting, over night stays, had them 2 weeks while she went to a family funeral in Ireland. Constant last minute emergencies which stopped when I needed to downsize my car for financial reasons. I have 2 boys myself. Im a single parent. She got a bit funny then.

I know this won't get any better. Her and my line manager are inseperable (he fancies the pants off her and doesnt hide it). I know she'll get worse. I was so miserable yesterday I came home and cried and thats not like me.

Aibu for leaving and cutting off contact with her. Im in probation so dont know how much notice I need to give. Only had my contract through yesterday which I need to sign. I have been offered a lower paying lower prospects job but I think I'd be in for hell if I stayed. I dont know what to do.

OP, you are enduring abhorrent abuse in work and even at home in your private personal space. She is attacking you at every opportunity, I think she is moe anxious that 'Horny Boss' has backed off leaving her bullying exposed, either way its still happening. I do hope you get the new Contract soon, and you can walk away from this disgusting place of work, and I honestly would leave documented evidence of what you have endured in your parting reasons. You sound so stressed OP, stat strong and come on here, there is always someone around. 🌺

Wow! That woman is a real piece of work, isn’t she? I bet when you leave she takes it out on your kids at school too. She won’t be able to help herself. Horrible, horrible woman!

Please do include all aspects of her bullying when you go give in her resignation. Commenting on your size etc is awful. When you leave block her on all forums and know it’s not you. I think you’re doing really well for organising yourself to get out. You shouldn’t have to leave but it’s definitely the best option given how toxic she is. I’d highlight that you wouldn’t ordinarily leave without giving ample notice but you have never been in a position like this and aren’t prepared to condone her abuse.

Sounds like you've made up your mind but fwiw I would stick it out. It's fairly clear that everyone else there can see what's going on. I would document everything, wait until you've passed your probation period and then make the mother of all complaints about her, with evidence. And no more lifts, childcare or favours. She's the one who said it wasn't professional to be friends anymore. I wouldn't let her bully you out of a job with better pay and prospects when you've already been made redundant twice this year and are the sole breadwinner. I suppose it depends how thick skinned you can be on a day-to-day basis though.

OP has been offered a much better job ... she is just awaiting the Contract 🌺

OP please let us know when you leave if you tell HR about all of her bullshit and obviously don't do her any favours on the outside anymore

Please tell me you kept the text, printed them and will be attaching to grievance when u leave?

Just seen she was on work teams chat commenting on work mates size cardigan. She really is stupid as surely management can see that and it is bullying

Wonder how long I have to work somewhere to declare constructive dismissal?

You are doing absolutely the right thing. Life is too short to be bullied, especially as you have other options and can leave as soon as your other job is confirmed. The HR dept may or may not act on the issues that you raise in your resignation, but at least you will have done your best to prevent someone else going through the same. Once you have gone, block her completely so that she cannot text or call you. I hope all goes well with your new job OP, you deserve better than your current situation.

OP as mentioned previously I'd put together a list of the bullying/unpleasant comments she's thrown at you so far (have you only been in a week?) and send it to HR when you're ready to resign (or before if you want to stay).

Did I read it right that she's tried to get you to do her favours this weekend - after the way she's treated you this week? Does she ever do you favours?

She sounds poisonous - can you block her number and on social media regardless of whether you stay or go?

What a horrible person, I'm so sorry you're going through this & really hope everything works out for you.
Personally I would go in just to resign & leave immediately, I don't think I could care to be there through the day especially if she's trying to backtrack or cover herself.
Well done for bringing her bullying to the attention of management, even if nothing happens....& I really hope it does.
Wishing you the very best of luck.

OP I'm sorry this is happening to you. I was bullied at work about 10 years ago and it's a horrible, soul-destroying thing.

Well done on getting the new job lined up so quickly. That's amazing and a testament to your organisational skills, experience and practical thinking. Until you get the written offer and start date, screenshot any texts this woman sends to you, make a note of any way she treats you unfavourably compared to your colleagues, keep your head down and hold onto the thought that you can walk out the moment you get that paperwork.

If you can afford to leave without firm job offer I would be handing the resignation in tomorrow morning and making a full scene. Either someone has reported her for the cunt comment or she has seen this thread. I'll hedge my bets that she will be nothing but nice tomorrow.

I would walk in tomorrow, hand in my resignation and bullying grievance with immediate effect, don’t give it to your line manager as it will be misplaced. Go WAY above their head. Hand back the equipment and walk out. Treat yourself to a nice lunch, you deserve it.

@funnylittlefloozie

That 'c*nt' comment that the other person overheard, has brought trouble to her door. Thats why she's sending you texts to try and smooth it over, because she knows she's suddenly deep in the shit.

Whether you stay or go this week, at least you have the satisfaction of knowing she's finally overstepped the mark.

Congrats on your new job!

She is nervous because she knows it's been noted and what she said to you is so dreadful.

Hopefully that person will say it to others.

She sounds so rough OP.

I definitely think you need to make that complaint and show them those pictures.

That company should be be appalled at how you have been treated.

Yup sounds like the C comment being overheard has burst her little bubble. She can bitch and undermine as much as she likes but this has shown her true colours and you can bet the office gossips grape line working overtime.

She may double down though - be all smiles and best bud when there is an audience so that if you don’t reciprocate, they you are the bitch.

I’m so sorry you see in this situation. I worked with one like that too - she was an utter nightmare.

I hope you've cooled right off with her after her behaviour - no replies to her texts, and no favours.

Of course I’d be booking myself in with HR for a meeting - doesn’t matter what about (lack of decent teabags) but make sure that everyone knows that you are going for a meeting with HR...

Did I miss something @BlueThistles? OP said she'd been offered "a lower paying lower prospects job". I think she should stand up for herself rather than settle for that. Jmho, but that's what I would do in her shoes. If there's been yet another job offer, I guess that's a different matter though.

Sometimes you can’t win though. If she is the queen B and boiking the boss it’s a tough situation. Not everyone has the balls to go up against that. I’d bide my time (because of the pure nastiness and unfairness if it all) but not everyone can/will.

@ConquestEmpireHungerPlaque the other job has upped initial salary and negotiated WFH

@unleashingtheflyingmonkeys how are things today, has she been falling over herself being nice?

What a horrid person your ex friend is.

I really hope the other job comes through.

She said they 'marginally' upped their salary offer, and offered ft wfh which she said was something that would make her 'normally consider it anyway'. The lower prospects haven't been changed. It really doesn't sound quite like the dream job some of you are describing. It's a job though, I guess. No one needs to feel miserable at work day in day out. And yes, the ex-friend is a cow. for you OP.