AIBU for wanting to resign my job and cut contact

[unleashingtheflyingmonkeys]

I've been made redundant twice this year. COVID19 has been a bitch. Been offered a new job. Started 2 weeks ago. Love the job, love my colleagues, its permanent, with wfh days. Salary is fine so far so good.

Had a friend who already worked there. Same position as me. Weve been close friends years. Worked together before and never had a problem.
Last time, I was promoted over her (I was offered the job, she didn't even apply but had made rumblings she wanted progression so was pissed she wasn't thought of). She made a big thing of refusing to work for me, that she'd never work for a friend, it was demeaning etc. She was put with another manager and when I did have to cover, made sure I was sensitive to her feelings, treated her professionally and with respect. No issues. I applied on the website, was interviewed by management *not her) and we are theoretically same level aside from she trains people on different aspects (and thinks she's running the show).

Shes been a nightmare since I started. I think she's scoring points after last time. She's talking to me like shit in front of my colleagues, pulling me up on minor things my boss doesn't have an issue with, making sly digs all day, spent the day telling the office who she was going to sleep with at the weekend which was cringe. Id walk into a room it would go quiet and then laughter would start when I'd left. All I'd hear is whispering all day then normal volume conversations about work related things. Ive never felt so uncomfortable. There is more which would be more identifying than i already have been, but enough to make colleagues ask why if we are friends does she talk to me like that. I was supposed to be training yesterday and she didn't speak a word to me.

I usually do quite a lot for her 3 boys. School runs, babysitting, over night stays, had them 2 weeks while she went to a family funeral in Ireland. Constant last minute emergencies which stopped when I needed to downsize my car for financial reasons. I have 2 boys myself. Im a single parent. She got a bit funny then.

I know this won't get any better. Her and my line manager are inseperable (he fancies the pants off her and doesnt hide it). I know she'll get worse. I was so miserable yesterday I came home and cried and thats not like me.

Aibu for leaving and cutting off contact with her. Im in probation so dont know how much notice I need to give. Only had my contract through yesterday which I need to sign. I have been offered a lower paying lower prospects job but I think I'd be in for hell if I stayed. I dont know what to do.

I'd also quite happily explain in detail why you are leaving in your exit interview. Including the affair between line manager and friend making working there untenable as he is able to bully and undermine others with no fear of any consequence.

Take the other job.

Get an exit interview with your shared line manager and/or another and clamly, factually, tell them that she has behaved unprofessionally - the work pack, not giving you infomration you need like the door number and work for your wfh days; leaving youa alone in ths office instead of ensuring you were included in office meals.

And the very next time she asks for a favour your reply must be "You have got to be kidding me! Given your atrocious behaviour at work you will not be getting any more personal favours from me"

And then block and ignore!

She is nasty through and through and you do not need to let her do this to you!

[Backbone]

Can you ask for wfh in your current job? I mean if you really think there's nothing to stay for with her being so awful, you could Explain you've had another offer, and you really like where you are (lies!) and see if you can wangle wfh say 3 days only in the office for two. You could also say something about the air con / fan / window giving you headaches where you sit and if you could be moved to a different (further from her) seat.

She's a vile cunt, but you know this. I'm wondering if removing her easy access to you would cause her to get bored.

But honestly, I'd be tempted to ask for a meeting with your manager and HR and type out all of the incidents with dates and times and witnesses (no emotions, no narrative, just facts) and give them to them in the meeting, then just sit back and let it happen. Fuck 'er. She shouldn't be allowed to get away with it.

This is cut and dried bullying btw- she hasn't a leg to stand on in hr terms.

The other job has come back to me, marginally upped its salary and offered full time working from home so for that I would normally consider it anyway. I dont know what to do.

Take it, tell on her, and get the hell out of toxic friend's fucked up manor.

Please don't cave, OP. If she wasn't doing this to you she might be doing it to someone else. Would you think that was OK?

I agree with Curious you should 'calmly, factually, tell them that she has behaved unprofessionally - the work pack, not giving you information you need like the door number and work for your wfh days; leaving you alone in the office instead of ensuring you were included in office meals.'
What I don't agree with is saving this until an exit interview. Go to HR with it now.

On a personal level, obviously you won't be doing babysitting or lifts from now on.

I'd go for the easy life and take the other job, if it's now a package you would consider regardless of this situation. What benefit is there to you in staying, really? By all means tell HR exactly why you're going too.

OP after seeing your update... I’d take the new job. Also she’s vile if she’s the one who asked you to apply!!

I'd take the other job, report all to HR and higher management in an exit meeting and have nothing more to do with this poisonous cow ever again.
I remember being bullied terribly by someone (at work) I'd considered a friend. Turned out she was vile, toxic, divisive and nasty: over the years, I found out 7 people left because of her. I left after 2yrs but it had got to the point where it really affected my MH. Not worth it at all.

Take the other job - life's too short. You can always look for something else while you're at the new place.

I left somewhere I was unhappy - thought I should stick it out and make a go of it but it really took its toll so I left in the end after 6 months anyway so endured all that for nothing.

I'd be careful what is said in the exit interview, never burn bridges just in case, be polite and factual - which I'm sure you will be!

Good luck with whatever you decide.

OP,

She's utterly vile.

I can't believe you have looked after her children 3 times in the last fortnight.

I would take the other job.
Tell the company everything that she has done.
I would block her.

And NO her children would NEVER be in my house again.

Your children should be explained to EXACTLY how awful this woman is and you will be having NOTHING further to do with her.

Anything else is unbelievable.

Why would you in any way stay involved with a woman so vicious towards you and bullying that it has caused you to leave a job.

Oh and tell the other colleague's that her relentless bullying of you has encouraged you to accept a job that will suit you better.

Please, if you leave, do not hoave anything further to do with her.

Take the new job but make sure you have an exit interview with HR and/or a manager (not the line manager)

And tell her to fuck off when she asks for child favours again. Vile cretin

Take the other job, this one isn't worth risking your mental health for - I speak from experience, unfortunately

Take the other job.

Every day will be a battle and even if others sympathise it won’t be enough.

I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of citing her in the exit interview. Her manager knows what the issue is. Just say you don’t feel you’re a good fit and you’re taking an opportunity that suits you better .

Then block the bitch and never ever baby sit for her again

She is something else OP, what a grabby CF she is. You have done nothing but show her kindness, look after her kids for prolonged periods, act like a taxi and be there for her.
I reckon in time she would shoot herself in the foot and the rest of the team would realise that she is a nasty bitch. Many of them are probably scared of her and don’t want to risk her turning on them.
For the sake of your mental health and happiness I would take the other job. WFH has its own benefits and might save you some money anyway if you factor in travel.
Good luck OP. Whatever happens block her and don’t look back.

@combatbarbie

Take the new job but make sure you have an exit interview with HR and/or a manager (not the line manager)

I second this.

@TicTac80

I'd take the other job, report all to HR and higher management in an exit meeting and have nothing more to do with this poisonous cow ever again. I remember being bullied terribly by someone (at work) I'd considered a friend. Turned out she was vile, toxic, divisive and nasty: over the years, I found out 7 people left because of her. I left after 2yrs but it had got to the point where it really affected my MH. Not worth it at all.

^^This

But make it very clear it's her behaviour (list it) that's driven you out.
What they choose to do with that information is up to them.

If you can make the other job work financially, I'd take it. There's a time and a place for principles and I don't think this is it - you can already see from her behaviour how awful she is, and I would put good money on her being even worse if she starts being under disciplinary action for bullying.

In your shoes, I'd walk away with my head held high, having made it quite clear in my exit interview why I was going (having already prepared a statement so that I made sure I calmly and professionally got across all the points I wanted to, including examples/evidence in support). Once I'd gone, I'd make it clear to her that she can whistle for any future help, that you want no further contact with her due to her behaviour, then block her in every way possible.

She's jealous of you and your previous promotions, and she's looking to put you down. But she's already showing herself up at work as it's clear others have seen her behaviour for what it is and I bet they've seen more than you realise. Walk away with dignity (much as you want to shove your stolen IT items up her arse) and let her get on with trashing herself.

For now, definitely start documenting what's going on, however insignificant it may seem.
I agree with what @Jigglypuffly said., particularly this. ^^ Send a copy of those notes to yourself personal email address, away from the company servers.

Do try and not let her chase you out of a job you like, and which pays well. Grey rock her as much as possible, whilst still maintaining your professionalism and clearly but politely pull her up on her bullying at the time she does it and, as other PPs have said, ask for help from other colleagues who aren't behaving like the mean girls in the schoolyard and do your job as well as you can.

You are, obviously, doing well for one person to actually tell you this. Also I note someone else had asked why Mean Girl was treating you this way if you were friends? So a change may already have started.

Stick it out for a bit longer whilst you also see what better (not lower paying) prospects might be available elsewhere.

Good luck whatever option you take OP. 🌹

Start looking for better jobs. Do not bad mouth this team anywhere, do not leave on bad terms. No matter how much you want to go with a bang, it’s nearly always a bad move.
This company sounds incredibly behind on HR. I would never add anyone from my work on my social media. Nothing good comes out of it unless you are actually using it to market yourself only and have a strict filter that keeps work separate from personal life (I wouldn’t do that either).
She sounds insecure, petty and incompetent too probably. Not a good combination at all. Not worth your life and energy especially as it can knock your confidence long term if you are bullied in your workplace.

BTW, I'm not just nodding along here. I actually had to do something quite similar at a job I landed many years ago. The job (quite senior) was listed internally before I was interviewed and got it. It put various noses out of joint, including a friend I'd worked with elsewhere and socialised together in each other's homes. It was a lonely and unhappy six months until they started to thaw but I worked happily (hard!) there for several years.

Courage OP! 🌹

I saw your update! This is far too much mixing up of work and friendship. It hardly ever turns out well. Are you in the US by any chance?
Quit, talk to HR and take the other job.

You shouldn't have to leave a job because of someone bullying you but when they are so utterly toxic and they've got some people to play puppets with, and you've got something else you could go to, I would leave.

It will only get worse and this level of toxicity is so damaging to your mental health.

You poor thing. I wish I worked with you so I could tell her to stop being so pathetic and obnoxious. And then call her a cunt and give you a hug (if covid wasn't still ruining everything!)

For your own sanity and well being I would take the other job . I would definitely be telling a senior manager (NOT Mean Girls shagger) exactly why you are leaving. Your kids maybe friends together but depending on ages I would explain why you wont be offering MGs kids any childcare/fun time.
Good luck , it is never easy