Worst excuses for not seeing their children?

[JCWildWest]

I bet there are some horror stories, but what are the worse excuses the non resident parent (mum or dad) have used to not collect their children for contact or arrange contact?

I’ve just had two good ones. Little bit of background. He’s a twat. Contact is sporadic and when he deems himself available in his busy life. His choice I have pursued endlessly to try and get something solid. He lives about 20 miles away, he moved, he has a motorbike.

1. He has Covid as an excuse not to see DD for months. Saw her for the first time a few weeks ago. He has now decided Covid is a conspiracy and he doesn’t believe it and won’t be following government guidelines. He is refusing to wear a mask which means he can’t use public transport to come see DD.

1. I asked why he couldn’t be use his bike to come to see her as he has a relative he has near us where they can meet. He says he is not insured on a weekend. Despite telling me he couldn’t see her the other weekend because he was out. On his bike.

I fucking despair

His /my little one had tonsillitis. He got halfway to see him then decided to have a meal with someone else then go to work. We were waiting for him, kept phoning him and it was “coming in 20 minutes”, then he got upset and said I should take his son to the restaurant (he was too ill). Then he said “now we have finished eating and I have run out of time, I’m not coming over now.” When my son was told daddy wasn’t coming he said “ok then” and promptly went to sleep. No fuss or anything. Just disappointed. He was 3.

Aw your poor daughter but she will see fit herself when she’s older.

My ex walker out years ago leaving me with 2 little ones saying he realised he had to concentrate on himself. When asked for maintenance he said you can get tax credits and refused to pay a penny.

It’s horrible at the time but kids are resilient and hopefully things will work out well for you too.

Children are not as resilient as people seem to think they are.

I wouldn’t bother trying to keep contact, it can do more harm than good being constantly let down.

@alphabetti my ex has used that too, although he does pay maintenance has questioned why he's paying me as I get tax credits and other certain benefits. He soon shuts up when I remind him that he earns over £30,000 a year and I earn just over £9,000 and still pay mortgage rent and my DC nursery fees!

His best one to date has been he has to reduce contact with our child because he doesn't spend enough time with his gf and their child together - despite the fact that they all live together

He's also only seen our DC once since Feb for just under 2 hours

I recently went on a date with a man who told me that he hadn't seen his children for 10 years because his ex was bitter, so he was ' taking things slowly' with his children.
The date ended pretty quickly after that.

DD is 14. We have been separated over 10 years and these excuses have been ongoing for those 10 years. I keep waiting for the day to come where she’s had enough of his crap. But he’s her dad and she loves him.

I like to think it says a lot about our home life being safe and secure that she can cope with it. She wants his love but she doesn’t rely on it as she has all she needs here.

She said to me that she expects nothing and anything else is nice, she has learned to live with it. She is made of stronger stuff and than me. And I am so so proud of her

Too many to tell tbh. Heard it all over the years.

Your poor Dd though. It really does affect children. For my son (age 9) it's got to the point he isn't interested in seeing his dad anymore as he's been let down so much. He

So many dads have remained seeing their children regularly during covid but my ex jumped at the chance to 'keep away'...

I think the worst excuses my ex has made is using his younger children with new partner. Things like I can't see you today because I need to do this with Ben & Sam (Names changed for Mumsnet). DS often asks why his dad prefers his younger children!

Heartbreaking. I never knew my dad because I've never met him I don't know any different whereas when children have known their dad but they constantly let them down it's awful!

I recently had “I can’t have the dc as I’m feeling a bit ill”. I’d just been taken to hospital in an ambulance the day before and he had the dc on my doorstep the second I got back.

I usually just get “I have to work”. Well, shit, it turns out I have to work too!

My ex was really lazy with his excuses. It was always “I’ve been called into work” (fb told a different story) or “I thought we’d changed the time/I told you I wouldn’t be coming” (nope)

He came out with some crackers for not paying child support though - “I’ve just bought a house” “I’ve just bought a new car” “I’ve just bought an engagement ring”

You can imagine how thrilled I was for him each time

Children are not as resilient as people seem to think they are.

I wouldn’t bother trying to keep contact, it can do more harm than good being constantly let down.

This.

My children have been so badly damaged by his indifference towards them. My youngest in particular.

God these stories are heart breaking. How can you not want to see your children? Fucking losers.

I could never date a man who didn’t see his children, says so much about their character. So, so much.

What a sad shame that some people are like this. I’ll never understand.

Mine won't have them too often (like more than twice a year ffs) because its too expensive to look after them for the weekend.

Nothing to do with good old Disney Dad spending an absolute fucking fortune every time they go, only because he has no idea how to entertain them without a constant stream of activities, impromptu train rides without advance booking or use of railcards (when he drives?), hundreds of pounds in arcade games/slot machines etc.

My bad for spending almost nothing on them during lockdown, when I was wfh and he was furloughed but he still wouldn't see them 'cos its too expensive'

We’ve also had 2 wives and countless girlfriends. He’s had 2 more kids. He currently doesn’t work, but had used work as an excuse. Yet I had always worked full time and looked after DD.

I used to get a lot of bullshit particularly in regards to maintenance. But these he doesn’t even bother and says why do I need to she’s got you and you provide for her that’s your job. I’ve long given up on maintenance, he’s probably paid £100 her entire life.

He’s refused to feed her when he has her because he is experimenting with fasting dieting or raw diet. He’s gone off to ‘find himself’. He’s buggered off to another country for a couple of years.

I realise it is potentially damaging to DD. When she was smaller I protected her as best as I could. Now she is older I let her dictate it and encourage an openness about it where it’s more up to her. She can talk about it, and if she doesn’t want to talk to me about it (because I’m too close and involved and sometimes it’s impossible to hide the contempt) but then she talks to her step dad as a more neutral party.

Oh goodness I don't think there's many I haven't heard.

My DC dad didn't see them from March until June - so over the main part of lockdown, despite knowing that the 'rules allowed' it.
Then after that, he changed it from every Saturday to every other Saturday. Note I say Saturday, not weekend. He doesn't take the children, he doesn't have them over night or even during the day. He visits them. For at most 2 hours every other if they're ''lucky'' and if he has the money to get to here.
He doesn't interact with them, he'll ask them questions but doesn't really listen to the answer. He's usually busy messaging on his phone and the DC give up trying with him.
I mean, it's alright though as he gets them a magazine mostly every time

Various excuses, I've lost count tbh

I'll never understand how he can go so long without seeing DS. He is currently on 5 weeks - DS is 16 and ex decided about 6 months ago he was stopping the definite contact weekends so to give DS total flexibility. Sounds great, but just means he doesn't see him! I was more thinking he'd see DS at other times, but no.

I just don't get it. I miss DS a lot when he's staying at friends etc, there's no way I could go weeks on end without seeing him

We’re on 3 years, 3 months and counting now.

The worst in terms of most pathetic was when he couldn't drive down (20 minutes) because he'd stubbed his big toe and it "really, really hurt". So he missed a whole weekend for that.

The most hurtful was when he was disgusting enough to say he couldn't see them (and they couldn't attend their half-brother's christening) because he was going to be "busy with family all weekend". Which left my then 11-year-olds asking me why he didn't consider them as family.

@Smallsteps88
Goodness, how can someone go that long without seeing their child?!

@lyralalala
Those poor children. Old enough to remember that too

When DS was blue lighted to hospital a 15 months old, ex apparently couldn't leave work, he was actually playing football with his friends a 10 minute walk from the hospital.

I can't stand excuses, just be grown up enough to say I'm not coming now. Instead of stringing children along.

He’s not insured at the weekend? 🤣

Goodness, how can someone go that long without seeing their child?!

Sometimes I wish I knew and sometimes I’m glad I don’t know. I’m not sure how far from a decent person you have to get to be able to make that decision.

My friends kids didnt see their dad for over a year because he injured his leg. They were 7 and 9 or something, so it's not like he would have had to do much physically to look after them.

These posts are all heartbreaking, especially for the children involved. How can anyone who calls himself a "man" be so cowardly and irresponsible as these fathers? It astonishes me that men do not realise how important they are for their children. Rather than constant letdowns from erratic and inconsistent fathers, it surely must be better to bring dc up without contact with them? Then when dc are older they will want to find out what their DF is like, and it will be a disappointment, but by then they will have grown up more resilient as did not have the constant disappointment and blows to self esteem while growing up.

Lyralalala that’s heartbreaking. What a pig!