Worst excuses for not seeing their children?

[JCWildWest]

I bet there are some horror stories, but what are the worse excuses the non resident parent (mum or dad) have used to not collect their children for contact or arrange contact?

I’ve just had two good ones. Little bit of background. He’s a twat. Contact is sporadic and when he deems himself available in his busy life. His choice I have pursued endlessly to try and get something solid. He lives about 20 miles away, he moved, he has a motorbike.

1. He has Covid as an excuse not to see DD for months. Saw her for the first time a few weeks ago. He has now decided Covid is a conspiracy and he doesn’t believe it and won’t be following government guidelines. He is refusing to wear a mask which means he can’t use public transport to come see DD.

1. I asked why he couldn’t be use his bike to come to see her as he has a relative he has near us where they can meet. He says he is not insured on a weekend. Despite telling me he couldn’t see her the other weekend because he was out. On his bike.

I fucking despair

He didn't like dc's name.

Ds caught swine flu when he was two and was admitted to paediatric icu. I rang my ex and he said he was sure I could cope and it was too icy to risk getting the car out. .

I don't think I'll ever feel so much contempt for anyone, every again.

'Because being an absent parent is the best way to be a parent' so says the fucking fool who hasn't seen his kids in years.

@GlummyMcGlummerson yes! I'm not shouldering any blame for the douche canoe who opted out of his child's life either!

@GarlicMcAtackney: totally reject your hypothesis. No reasonable woman would knowingly choose 'scum' to have children with.

@creaturcomforts

Garlickmcattakney, Its not always as simple as just not picking a loser. I dont understand why one parent is blamed when the other is allowed to act in this way. People can keep these bad behaviours well hidden as they KNOW that it's wrong. Sometimes they just decide that they dont enjoy the responsibility of kids! But they dont exactly say this before hand or else no one would procreate. I find your comment naive and as a single parent I know I get judged. Also i find your comment about how this is a burden to you very strange. Dont judge until you've walked a mile in some one else's shoes.

I agree with you when it's the first time a man has children. You can't possibly know if they're going to turn into an utter wanker if they've never had children before.

The ones I don't understand are the women who get together with arsewipe fathers who are total pricks to their current children, and then proceed to have more with them. Of course, said pricks are probably lying to the new woman about how their mad crazy ex keeps the kids from him etc., but when that becomes an obvious lie, the new women often collude in the ostracisement of the previous children, which makes them just as bad as the prick father, in my eyes.

My ex hasn't seen his children for almost a year as he's waiting for them to grow up, realise I'm the devil and seek him out.

My ex was doing great, EOW and one night a week consistently since we split 2 years ago. He was furloughed over lock down and I was still working and we moved to DD doing 3 weekdays with him. Then 6 weeks ago he went to visit his parents 180 miles away. He hasn’t come back. Every week he says he will. I’m pretty sure he’s lost his job now (they had to go back in to the office after furlough which he didn’t want to do). He was always work shy and never stuck any job for long. He won’t say if he is coming back and apart from a few video chats he hasn’t seen DD. She has now stopped asking. I’m so sad for her!

It's amazing how many shit Dad's do that. My ex did that as well (even though I had NEVER stopped him). He stuck to the order he spent money getting for a couple of weeks at most.

@lyralalala

It’s because the court fight and getting the order is about ‘victory’ over the mother, not about the children.

My exH told DD he hadn't had time to see her as he was moving house. For 18 fucking years!

Him gloating that he was waiting for MY MOTHER to call him especially. Very funny. He's welcome to her

His excuse a few times, bearing in mind that even up North we have a few different roads here an there "the motorway looked like it might be busy [2] hours later.

It was on a one short junction drive with all the expected city roads and probably 50+ detours he could take.

This thread is horrific. I feel for you all and your DC. Really hope I am never in this position with mine.

Well my sons dad only sees him so it doesnt look bad on him I'm convinced of it. When wooing his fiance I would get in reply to my text saying what time are you coming for son today 'it's not my weekend I'm away this weekend' and then get all arsy with me because I've had to explain how it's not my weekend because It was my weekend last weekend ect. Hes forgotten it's his weekend many times and only remembered if I've reminded him (which I no longer do) or one time because his mum phoned him and asked 'how son was this weekend' he will only ever reliably remember when he has a function on or an opportunity to show off his parenting like sons birthday or something in the pub his running, or up coming wedding, aside from that his changes the day he has him ,currently every other friday night till 9am the following morning, son spends about an hour on phone to me while there, son comes home without having brushed his teeth or breakfast, gives him chips every time hes over.
Son doesnt realy care if he sees his dad or not, he wasnt present in his life when he lived with us and isnt present now.

My ex couldn't have a 5 minute conversation about the upcoming uni drop off because he was on holiday.

In the UK.

I had tried to call before he went on holiday, but he ignored my call.
I maybe call once a year- if that....

This from a man who says he would love more time with them (and who didnt give a toss about them when he was living here so assuming it's all smoke and mirrors for his gf)
Text kids 10am sunday morning, "are any of you coming over today?" Eldest dd (who is usually the most reluctant to go) "can we come about tea time please?" "Ah no, thats too late as gf needs to get ready for her 1st day back at work tomorrow" (she's a TA)

Texting late saturday "is anyone coming over this weekend?" Err well the weekend is half gone and we had plans for sunday (I'm sure he expects me not to make plans with them on the off chance he decides he wants them.) I'm also sure he does this so he can say he's making the effort, but knows they wont go.

Oh another one, the kids actually went over one sunday, and he said to them, remember you can come over any time. Next day he'd gone for 10 days away (found out on fb) he hadn't even mentioned it to the kids.

Yet he says it's me poisoning their minds...hes doing a pretty good job of that without me!

Dgd's sorry excuse for a 'father' hasn't ever seen her, because she's a girl! After they found out he just disappeared completely, changed his phone number and moved away..even his family won't have anything to do with her because they might upset him. Luckily for her, we have enough family for her not to be that bothered by it yet.

My ex didnt see DD from 6yrs old until we tracked him down when she was 13.
He knew where we were, we lived at the same address.
DD wanted to meet him so I could managed to track him down, lots of telephone conversations, he invited her to stay for a week against my better judgement, she pleaded to go, took her 150 miles to his new family home, wife and 2 more DD, had to pick her up after a couple of days, new wife didn't like her etc.
Whilst there ex told her that the reason he hadn't seen her, kept in touch was because I wouldn't allow him to.
DD was so desperate to have a relationship with him that she believed him, caused a real rift between us, because I'd never slagged him off she felt that clearly he was innocent (no DD i didnt slag him off because I didnt want to hurt you) he even told her about a miscarriage id had, he made it sound like I'd done something wrong, again as I'd not told her i was a liar (miscarriage was before DD was born) I had to get my family involved, people she trusted, to tell her the truth.
Anyway after years of him letter her down she finally wont have anything to do with him, shes buying a house, getting married and planning on TTC and he is old and ill, divorced, his other two DD are NC and he is constantly trying to reach out to her.
Funny thing is he contacts me to try to repair their "relationship "
He also resorts to taking pictures from my FB and posting them on his FB with captions " my beautiful DD"
Moral of the story is the DC grow up, become adults and see you for what you are.

Awful. What a silly man-child. Here is another point of view, this man makes pathetic excuses not to see his child. If you do make this man see his child will he be thinking up fun or educational experiences for them, will he be saving his pennies for a great day out? Nope, he will resent every minute, at best your child will be bored, it worst Your child will be abused.

I tried way too hard with my ex, he drank around my kids, he argued with his girlfriend around the kids and one Boxing Day the kids only ate noodles. Oh and then my ex broke his girlfriend’s nose in front of my kids, I wish I’d never given him any chances, he only did did harm

This is so sad.

I remember as a 10yo my mum started telling us whilst still on the phone to dad. "Girl's, your dad doesn't want to see you today because he's going out with his girlfriends kids instead". Or, "Girls, your dad's not coming now. Go unpack your bags. Dad's too hungover to drive".

All she did was tell us his excuse but it was while he could hear it.

He went apeshit, screaming at her that she was deliberately trying to make him look bad and turn us against him. She just calmly replied that she was simply telling them what he told her (often using his words!) and would not be making up fake excuses.

Yep. She was the bad guy.

When he eventually bought a house with his girlfriend, there were three bedrooms. One for them and one each for her sons who, like DSis and I, didn't live with them. We didn't even warrant a room to use. She banned DF from seeing us (jealousy) so contact became for an hour or day a week before she got home from work. We'd do about 10 minutes travelling there, 40 minutes of our homework and back home again.. thrilling.
We needed to be gone before she got home and to leave no evidence because he was seeing us in secret. He only went to all that trouble because it made mum's life difficult though. She needed us home on that particular day each week and he knew it. He was free all the other days but picked that one when mum said that was the only one she couldn't do.

Yet I'd probably have to fight my husband for custody because he's so devoted to our kids. He does more with them than I do!

This thread is heartbreaking.

And I'd never blame anyone for not seeing the warning signs (assuming there even were any) that their partner was going to be a shit dad. I'm a cynical cow, and yet I never thought in a million years that DB and his wife would struggle for years to have their kids and then he'd get caught sexting a married woman when DSIL was at home with a newborn.

@SideAfries

God these stories are heart breaking. How can you not want to see your children? Fucking losers.

I could never date a man who didn’t see his children, says so much about their character. So, so much.

Ahhbut we are "crazy exes" don't ya know mine got away with telling his fiance and family for years im stopping contact and demanding them back early (like while I'm in work) reality is ive got years of messages emails texts off him telling me his car broke down he is on holiday the kids want to come home early etc etc

The latest one was his breaks failed i honestly thought his ex had fiddled with the brake line because she is fuming about their split

Mine slightly different (I was the DC) and my mum was the NRP.

I lived with my dad growing up because my mum was the one like these father's. My dad was the most reliable, loving and warm parent I could have asked for. It makes me want to drive and give him a big cuddle when I read these threads for all the sacrifices and effort he made to raise me on his own. Not that he did anything these father's shouldn't have been doing as well but I'm grateful for him all the same. He put himself through an awful lot to make sure I was sheltered from the damage my mum had caused by walking away and trying to ensure my life remained as the same as it possibly could.

I remember being on holiday with him after my mum had left and I'd not seen her for a while. She'd got a new boyfriend and wasn't really interested. I cried so hard for her, I still remember it now, feeling so desperate for my mum but knowing even then that she didn't really care. Dad just held me and said he was there. And he always was/is.

These kids will know one day who was there for them.

b0redb0redb0red I was an immature 25 year old when I met my ex and I ignored red flags. I beat myself up over my choice of man all the time. We teach kids a lot of things they never use in school when we need to spend time teaching our kids emotional literacy and providing therapy for kids who are going in the wrong ways.

Bad exes who won’t see their kids are horribly common they seem to be liars, immature and want to make absolutely no sacrifices for family life. If these men didn’t just go along with their partner without their heart and soul in it there would be less heartbreak all round. If women chose more carefully it would also save heartbreak.

If men want to live selfishly that’s fine, I just wish they wouldn’t have kids and lie.

Just when I think Ive heard everything on here ,something else comes along and shocks the shit out of me! FFS what is wrong with these "men" (using that term loosely here!) Whoever heard of not being insured on the WE?.Iyralalala Did you step on his other foot by any chance? Presumably they "move on " to a new GF or 3 .And cant be arsed ,yet would probably say when DC are older ,that their DM wouldnt "let " them come over (as happened to a chum of mine!) How about they grow the fuck up and accept their responsibilities ?

Should add the times he does have them he either takes them to his parents (lovely that they can see the kids but in reality it’s so he has help with the kids) he hasn’t cooked a dinner made a lunch or put some cereal in a bowl in the 2 1/2 years since he moved out !

The longest he’s spent alone with them in that time is a week when he took them on holiday (I had no legal grounds to stop him ) he spent 4/7 days getting drunk and treating my kids like trash .

The one time I asked him to keep them overnight was when I was in hospital on a morphine drip. He point blank refused and ordered his mother not to help either. I managed to find someone who could take the kids from him when he dropped them back and he proceeded to drag them round town until late in the evening to give this person the run around in between threatening to take them on the bus and dump them at my bedside in hospital.

The new girlfriend is bound to have been lied to about me and why he barely sees them. No doubt I am the bitch of an ex either that or he schedules time away from her in the pub and pretends he’s parenting.

Oooh, where to start?

When he lived with his mum

"DD can't come to visit as my mum has just washed the floors"

When he moved in with new GF

"DD can't come to visit as we are going out today to purchase soft furnishings for our new home" (those exact words the pompous ass)

There were many more, but I appear to have blocked them out. Should have kept a little book, you know, in the style of "baby's little sayings"

Thankfully he was long gone by the time DD started primary (of course I denied him access apparently) and my lovely DH is who DDhas always seen as her dad. I am profoundly grateful that his laziness trumped his spite, because we can take the piss and laugh about it now, but years of his nonsense would have destroyed her