Worst excuses for not seeing their children?

[JCWildWest]

I bet there are some horror stories, but what are the worse excuses the non resident parent (mum or dad) have used to not collect their children for contact or arrange contact?

I’ve just had two good ones. Little bit of background. He’s a twat. Contact is sporadic and when he deems himself available in his busy life. His choice I have pursued endlessly to try and get something solid. He lives about 20 miles away, he moved, he has a motorbike.

1. He has Covid as an excuse not to see DD for months. Saw her for the first time a few weeks ago. He has now decided Covid is a conspiracy and he doesn’t believe it and won’t be following government guidelines. He is refusing to wear a mask which means he can’t use public transport to come see DD.

1. I asked why he couldn’t be use his bike to come to see her as he has a relative he has near us where they can meet. He says he is not insured on a weekend. Despite telling me he couldn’t see her the other weekend because he was out. On his bike.

I fucking despair

It is a control thing in my case I fear. He questions everything I do for DD but then actively takes no responsibility for her. He questions what she does, what school she goes to, what clothes she wears, where I let her go etc

He had a go at me for letting her have a sleepover at her friends because it was on a day he had out the blue after many months not seeing her, wanted to see her. He said she will prefer to see her dad. She didn’t. She wanted to go to her friends sleep over. And not visit the cock womble who has nothing to do with her unless it suits. But then that was my fault and I was a spiteful bitch for turning her against him.

It’s exhausting, you can never win, you’re always in the wrong, always the baddy. And sometimes he’s even convinced DD I’m the baddy. Which hurts

I wish I had ceased her contact with him when he got flakey with her at the start and that DD hadn’t had all this crap over so many years. I just always had the belief it was not my decision and that I just needed to support her best I could

Slightly different take on this. It's been 4 months since my violent ex partner has seen our daughter.. The longer he's out her life the better in my eyes.. But I agree with pp who said children aren't as resilient as we think. My daughter is going through the feelings of abandonment now, she often says "daddy go"... Then she says "mummy go"...:( so it is extremely emotional damaging. I will only let him see her if I am forced to by the courts because he will further damage her emotionally and I will not allow him to go in and out of her life. He made his choice to be an abuser. He has to live with it. It is heartbreaking for the children though :(

My friends husband decided not to see their 2 children (8 and 10) following their divorce because "it was too difficult " for him. Utter spineless tosser with a drink problem he was, literally walked away and that was it. He died 20 years later and asked to see them in his final month. Neither was interested and they swerved his funeral too.

"I forgot to set an alarm", "I slept through my alarm" and "I don't have any money". Or he would turn his phone off and not give an excuse. It has been over 9 years now with no contact and it was the best thing for me and DC.

2017. Split up with his girlfriend and was too sad to see DD. For 6 months.

2018. Hurt his leg and couldn’t drive. Leg had to be in a certain position so he couldn’t get train / bus, I couldn’t take DD to him as he didn’t want her seeing him in constant pain. Posted on Facebook that he was at a certain cricket match in London. 4 hours away on train. Missed 5 months of contact with this sore leg.

Cancelled half an hour before pick up as his mother (who he lived with) had a headache.

Didn’t see her during lockdown as he wanted to protect DD and he worked in a supermarket, DD a perfectly healthy with no underlying health issues, posted on Facebook that o wouldn’t let him see her as I was paranoid. Did not appreciate me copying and pasting his texts saying he didn’t want to see her on the comments of that post.

There’s more too. Loser.

My stepchildren havent seen their mother for about 18 months, we've had various excuses, normally several weeks after she hasnt turned up to meet them - I didn't see the message, I got a new phone etc or just never reading the message then texting from a new number some time later. The best one she's come out with though has got to be "I cant get a ferry" which was received 2 minutes before the meeting time arranged and agreed a week earlier. She then said she was trying to get a ticket and would be there in an hour (ferry crossing taking around an hour to a port 45 mins taxi ride away), we pointed out that there wasnt even another boat for several hours. She kicked off about that saying we were cunts and we always try to spoil stuff. Then said she'd come to the house early evening. By 8pm messages were no longer getting delivered and we didn't hear from her again for months.

For TEN YEARS it was.... I have had no contact whatsoever as I have depression. Then for the last 2 years its changed to 'I had 3 more kids in those 10 years and one has autism so I have no time'.

The person you (general ‘you’) pick to breed with is the most important choice you’ll make, aside from choosing to produce a kid on a dying planet. Picking scum will cause lifelong trauma to the kid, and make your life torturous, pay close attention to all the little or large clues that scum will give off about what type of person they are, before unprotected sex occurs. I am burdened with ‘parents’ who had no business procreating and I suffer every day because of them. Never think ‘he’ll change/a baby will fix everything’.

I wouldn’t bother trying to keep contact, it can do more harm than good being constantly let down.

This. Everyone I know's pigsick of the lie that seeing absent parents is better for you than not. Absent parents aren't real parents.

As countless studies have shows, a dead parent is better than a bad parent for a child's welfare and happiness.

My granddaughter’s father won’t see her because it might upset his future girlfriend/wife so it’s better for him to have a clean break. Lovely chap.

Oh, these stories made me tear up.

My son is 2.5 and his biological father simply couldn't be bothered to see him. Some of the classic excuses:

He's playing golf.
He's too hungover.
He's not in a good place mentally (found out later that he was on a date with a girl he worked with).
He's going out on a date with a girl for her birthday dinner. This was on my son's actual first birthday, when he blew him off to see this girl.
He's too tired.
He forgot. He legitimately told me he forgot he was supposed to see his son.
He slept through his alarm.
He needed to sleep in (I was taken to hospital in an ambulance at 4am with appendicitis and he didn't come to look after his son because he thought my daughter could 'handle things'. She was 17, my son was 13 months old. She missed two final year exams that day and looked after him until my mum arrived at about 8pm. He knew she missed her exams and couldn't muster up a single fuck).

There are many others, but the bottom line is he just doesn't give a fuck. Tragic, heartbreaking, but simple.

Garlickmcattakney, Its not always as simple as just not picking a loser. I dont understand why one parent is blamed when the other is allowed to act in this way. People can keep these bad behaviours well hidden as they KNOW that it's wrong. Sometimes they just decide that they dont enjoy the responsibility of kids! But they dont exactly say this before hand or else no one would procreate. I find your comment naive and as a single parent I know I get judged. Also i find your comment about how this is a burden to you very strange. Dont judge until you've walked a mile in some one else's shoes.

@GarlicMcAtackney

The person you (general ‘you’) pick to breed with is the most important choice you’ll make, aside from choosing to produce a kid on a dying planet. Picking scum will cause lifelong trauma to the kid, and make your life torturous, pay close attention to all the little or large clues that scum will give off about what type of person they are, before unprotected sex occurs. I am burdened with ‘parents’ who had no business procreating and I suffer every day because of them. Never think ‘he’ll change/a baby will fix everything’.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing! If only I'd known when we had dc that we would split up and he would do a complete 360 with regards to his parenting when he met his new partner!

Yes some people have a child with someone who is already a bit shit. But the majority of single parents (at least the ones I know) were just unlucky.

[quote gumball37]@lyralalala how did that turn out.. cause I remember that post[/quote]
He had a massive dramatic strop on Facebook, but even his friends (who don't like me) stuck up for DD. He phoned her a couple of times to give her stick, but she simply hung up on him when he started.

He had the birthday bash at his ex's house and they both behaved like children by posting umpteen photos all over social media of their "family afternoon".

The last time he rang he told DD she was a spoilt, selfish brat so I took the phone (knowing DD was done with him), told him what I thought of him and hung up. DD's have both blocked him and his wife/ex-wife.

They're both sad about having no relationship with their younger brothers, but they've known for a while that was highly unlikely. Their useless father's family have been great; they have full support from their Grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins. His parents have said they are done with him completely now as well.

Thankfully exH is pretty good at sticking to dates now (EOW) but in the beginning, when we still lived nearby, he did the whole "yOU'rE nOT taKInG mY kIDs FrOM mE" - not that I was trying to, I just wanted consistent dates and not "Well I can be arsed seeing them on this random Tuesday so drop all your plans and deliver my offspring to me". Anyway, he lived with his mum when I kicked him out, and he wanted them 3 nights a week at first...I think he thought his mum would do the majority childcare. She didn't, and every time I dropped them off for the first month I'd get a phone call 2 hours later "They're whingeing and doing my head in you'll have to pick them up" 🙄 I did, because I didn't want them being upset with an angry bastard of a man.

It was basically the result of a man who spent 6 years contributing jack shit to family life, realising that kids can be hard work. Especially kids stuck in the middle of a split. It was all my fault of course 🙄

@GarlicMcAtackney

The person you (general ‘you’) pick to breed with is the most important choice you’ll make, aside from choosing to produce a kid on a dying planet. Picking scum will cause lifelong trauma to the kid, and make your life torturous, pay close attention to all the little or large clues that scum will give off about what type of person they are, before unprotected sex occurs. I am burdened with ‘parents’ who had no business procreating and I suffer every day because of them. Never think ‘he’ll change/a baby will fix everything’.

It's not always that simple. My ex was a lovely lad. I knew him from school. We tried for several years for a child, he spent a lot of money on fertility treatments. He was the kind of boyfriend who brought home gifts for me (and his Mum) because he saw something and thought we'd like it.

I had neglectful and abusive parents so I was very wary of having a family, but he was doting. When we found out we were having twins he was delighted.

He walked out when they were 6 months old claiming family life wasn't for him. His family and friends have been absolutely shocked how he's acted.

Sometimes there are just no clues.

I was pretty ashamed of my brother though who CHOSE to reduce seeing his son from every weekend to EOW, because "I just never have enough me time"

After taking me to court to get access to the DC. (which was finalised with a court order last year)
We decided together that the DC would just stay with me. I offered to set up Skype so that he could speak to the DC any time, He refused as he 'doesn't do' video calls.
I said he could visit anytime.
He has seen them a grand total of 4 times since the beginning of March, Saying that he couldn't afford to drive through to see them (15 mins away) But he can afford to drive 3.5 hours away to see his girlfriend.

Father of the fucking year.

After taking me to court to get access to the DC. (which was finalised with a court order last year)

It's amazing how many shit Dad's do that. My ex did that as well (even though I had NEVER stopped him). He stuck to the order he spent money getting for a couple of weeks at most.

Goodness, how can someone go that long without seeing their child?!

99% of the time it's down to "crazy/bitter/bitch exes" because we all know when men fuck up it's the nearest woman's fault

@GarlicMcAtackney

The person you (general ‘you’) pick to breed with is the most important choice you’ll make, aside from choosing to produce a kid on a dying planet. Picking scum will cause lifelong trauma to the kid, and make your life torturous, pay close attention to all the little or large clues that scum will give off about what type of person they are, before unprotected sex occurs. I am burdened with ‘parents’ who had no business procreating and I suffer every day because of them. Never think ‘he’ll change/a baby will fix everything’.

I married a loving, sensitive, fun and generous man. Having children turned him into a resentful lazy tosser, probably coinciding with a midlife crisis. I'm afraid I didn't have a crystal ball so I'll decline your offer to shoulder the blame thanks

My ex husband once sent a text to our daughter saying he couldn't pick her up that weekend cause he was too busy preparing for his Court Case on Monday. The Court Case is still going on nearly 5 and a half years later! He's suing the solicitors I had and the solicitors he had for our Legal Separation amongst others.

Oh so many but one of his most memorable performances was when he claimed to have broken down on the way to collect them and made up a whole story about how it took him two days to get back home. He hadn't even bothered to set off.

ooh a few stick in my mind
Split up in 2018

After leaving the four of them sat there waiting hopefully for several hours my eldest decided to cycle round to the room he was renting. It was around 13.00hrs at this point and he told him 'I have been having a lay in, I am not like your mum sat on her arse all day, i have been at work all week. I will be round soon' He never did turn up!

I work shifts as a key worker and right at the very start of lockdown I asked if I could ammend my hours at work as the childrens school wouldnt be open for some time whilst they made provision for key worker kids to attend and even then it might not be every day and wouldnt include breakfast and after school club! Their father was furloughed for the entirity, lives in one room next door to his parents and also drives (lives about 30 mins from me) He refused to provide any childcare telling me he would be self isolating (he has no health issues whatsoever) He then proceeded to tell me I would have to 'jack my job in' he wasnt putting himself out for me and if i lost my job and consequently my home the kids would 'have to go into care' He spent lockdown jogging, suntanning and losing weight. He didnt see his kids in almost 4 months. Didnt even buy them an easter egg ffs!

When contact resumed after a few weeks of seeing them (he only sees them one day a week max for approx 7 hours - never overnight) he cancelled contact one day 30 mins before he was due to collect them. Said he was going to visit his mate from the pub at a hospital where his friends mum was ill with cancer - then wondered why when he arrived at the hospital he had been refused entry... we are/were in the middle of a fucking pandemic!!!

twice in the last month hes cancelled weekend visits at short notice. First time because he was going away with new girlfriend and two weeks later because new girfriend had 'told' him they were going away for the weekend and suprised him with a trip away. The woman knows he has 4 kids he only sees once a week max!!

On the weekends he does see them he wonders why only 2 of them want to go out with him. But thats my fault and I have turned them against him of course

I am big and grown up now (youngest of 4 siblings).
We finally left my abusive father when I was 10 (others 13,15 and 16).
He would not see us because 'we sided with our mother'.
That might be as he locked us out of our house and continued to live comfortably on his own.

Interestingly when he was given 6 weeks to live with a brain tumour (about 20 years later) he wanted to spend his last weeks in the bosom of his family.
None of us went. Nor to his funeral.
No regrets whatsoever and it has been a while since he carked it.