Worst excuses for not seeing their children?

[JCWildWest]

I bet there are some horror stories, but what are the worse excuses the non resident parent (mum or dad) have used to not collect their children for contact or arrange contact?

I’ve just had two good ones. Little bit of background. He’s a twat. Contact is sporadic and when he deems himself available in his busy life. His choice I have pursued endlessly to try and get something solid. He lives about 20 miles away, he moved, he has a motorbike.

1. He has Covid as an excuse not to see DD for months. Saw her for the first time a few weeks ago. He has now decided Covid is a conspiracy and he doesn’t believe it and won’t be following government guidelines. He is refusing to wear a mask which means he can’t use public transport to come see DD.

1. I asked why he couldn’t be use his bike to come to see her as he has a relative he has near us where they can meet. He says he is not insured on a weekend. Despite telling me he couldn’t see her the other weekend because he was out. On his bike.

I fucking despair

@lyralalala I remember your thread about your DDs and their waste of space that is their dad. Your DD is still my hero for the way she handled that whole birthday party thing!!!

Rabblemum. It makes me sad that you beat yourself up. I was ridiculously naive when I was 25. I was just luckier than you.

This thread is utterly depressing! Growing up I thought my father had passed away because no one ever mentioned him only to find out in my early teens he left us when we were young and lived just one county away.

My oldest sister tried her best to maintain contact with him, I think him leaving was hardest for her while my older sister has been very cold towards him. She remembers our mums suffering at being left with no money at all and having to raise us on her own. He's basically a stranger to me and my little sis.

He's actually tried to get back into contact with just my older sister, not the rest of us. Top marks for anyone who can get why he's chosen only her to get back into contact with!

GarlicMcAtackney How the fuck is some one going to know they married an actual Tosser?Most of these men put on their best faces to reel women in ,then hey presto! Going gets tough/ tough (or total weak idiots ) get going! Completely disinterested in first families of course (nothing to do with them! Hmmm!

@GarlicMcAtackney

The person you (general ‘you’) pick to breed with is the most important choice you’ll make, aside from choosing to produce a kid on a dying planet. Picking scum will cause lifelong trauma to the kid, and make your life torturous, pay close attention to all the little or large clues that scum will give off about what type of person they are, before unprotected sex occurs. I am burdened with ‘parents’ who had no business procreating and I suffer every day because of them. Never think ‘he’ll change/a baby will fix everything’.

He was a fair father until I got pregnant the second time I wont say "the best" but he had a long way to go before he ever became the worst I got pregnant and he made my life a living hell so how exactly is this my fault?

Scum hides until it comes to the surface in some peoples case it takes years

GarlicMcAtackney

The person you (general ‘you’) pick to breed with is the most important choice you’ll make, aside from choosing to produce a kid on a dying planet. Picking scum will cause lifelong trauma to the kid, and make your life torturous, pay close attention to all the little or large clues that scum will give off about what type of person they are, before unprotected sex occurs. I am burdened with ‘parents’ who had no business procreating and I suffer every day because of them. Never think ‘he’ll change/a baby will fix everything’. Oh ok so it's our fault? Riiight. I'll just go back in time and somehow stop myself being drugged and raped. It's good to know there are people like you out there judging me (a brilliant working mum) for the actions of my rapist.

My ex, hasnt seen his older 2 boys for 2 years , as soon as they reached 16 he said they are adults now, they dont need to see me anymore.
and the younger one (11) its been 8 months since last contact, his excuse, he needs to concentrate on his own happiness.
Hes actually just contacted me and tried bargaining, he will give up his parental rights if i agree to stop taking maitenance from him.
My heart breaks for my children.

haha makes me wonder what excuses johnson's various 'baby-mamas' have heard over the years....

It's so baffling. I suppose they dont feel any love for their children, and never did even when they were with the mum? People used to have a stronger sense of 'duty', which made them at least fake an interest.

i know of someone who says they cant afford it-on a 90k salary then tells people hes not allowed to see his child

hes a disgusting piece of shit

I have an extremely strained relationship with my Dad.
Arranged to meet him with my DD (who has seen a handful of times in her life, she's 13). We drove 6 hours to stay near where he lived (I'm not allowed to go to his house). He cancelled at the last minute because he had to wait in for a passport to be delivered.
He's now wondering why I can't be bothered to stay in touch. Backstory is many many years of this kind of behaviour..

I have a good friend who got pregnant after a fling. Moved back home but did everything to make sure he saw DS. She would drive hundreds of miles and he would be ‘out’. He then moved to his home town, much closer to them. He had a major health scare and they then couldn’t get rid of him for 6 months, he was also furious that 6 year old DS wasn’t excited to see him the first time he turned up again (hadn’t seen him for 3 years). He got better and they never saw him again.

I do know a girl whose dad never saw her. Her mother though tried to only communicate by email so the evidence of his uselessness, refusal to see her, complaining about paying for her, was all there. Dad asked to see her when she was 18 and tried to tell her it was all her mother’s fault, she gave him a mouthful and told him to fuck off as she knew exactly what had gone on.

Absolutely shocked at these examples.

I can’t believe how people can be so detached/cold/cruel to their kids?
How can you not LOVE your child?

A bit different story as involves adults. FIL remarried and StepMIL’s family is the favoured one. We actually are NC because of that.

StepMIL’s DC and GC live halfway to ours (40minutes car journey). We knew they were visiting at least once a week as StepMIL is very closed to her family(nothing wrong with that).FIL is a loving and attentive grandfather,very much involved in her family.

FIL declined birthday visit to our DC on the day as he wanted to see his mate. StepMIL had her GC for a sleepover.We had to say to excited 3yo DS that grandpa wasn’t coming after all.

The excuses when we asked directly why didn’t you come when you were only 20 minutes away were “the dog was hungry”(StepMIL’s DC had a dog as well so I presume they had some dog food in the house, I also know they carried dog food with them) and “the weather was bad” (errrm no,it wasn’t)

Eventually after 18 moths of FIL not asking once how we were DH decided to cut the contact completely (younger DC has been diagnosed with ASD in the meantime, which we informed him about)

At no point FIL tried to make any contact with us, all contact was initiated by DH. He eventually stopped chasing him. FIL and StepMIL are outraged and badmouthed us to the rest of the family including mutual friend as well with “what have we done”. Well, you’ve done precisely fuck all.

My cousin’s child has seen his mum 4 times since February. She’s supposed to have him every Wednesday afternoon for a few hours. Excuses so far:

She hasn’t cleaned
She has a doctor/dentist appointment
She’s having her hair/nails done
Her friend needs a lift
She’s not feeling well
She thinks she has Covid (not isolating/getting tested tho)
She needs to go food shopping

When she does turn up, she’s often late and takes him home early. Poor little boy loves her so much and is always so upset

Because he moved too far away and can't be bothered to do the drive any more

@BaylisAndHardon it was his 6th birthday and his approaching 14. So 8 years almost.

@Monkeynuts18

It's amazing how many shit Dad's do that. My ex did that as well (even though I had NEVER stopped him). He stuck to the order he spent money getting for a couple of weeks at most.

@lyralalala

It’s because the court fight and getting the order is about ‘victory’ over the mother, not about the children.

I'd also bet a high number of the court fights happen when a new girlfriend comes along.

It's a very good way to prove you are doing everything you can to see your kids...

It's one of the reasons when I see a thread on here from a woman encouraging her partner (usually new or newish) to push for a relationship with their child I tell them they should leave it be. If they need to be pushed thenit won't last after their relationship is over and the child/ren will suffer from another walk out.

DS hasn't seen his DF since March, as DF was on furlough.

Makes no sense to me either.

My Dad was never interested in my because I wasn't a boy

@ChesterDrawsDoesntExist

This is so sad.

I remember as a 10yo my mum started telling us whilst still on the phone to dad. "Girl's, your dad doesn't want to see you today because he's going out with his girlfriends kids instead". Or, "Girls, your dad's not coming now. Go unpack your bags. Dad's too hungover to drive".

All she did was tell us his excuse but it was while he could hear it.

He went apeshit, screaming at her that she was deliberately trying to make him look bad and turn us against him. She just calmly replied that she was simply telling them what he told her (often using his words!) and would not be making up fake excuses.

Yep. She was the bad guy.

When he eventually bought a house with his girlfriend, there were three bedrooms. One for them and one each for her sons who, like DSis and I, didn't live with them. We didn't even warrant a room to use. She banned DF from seeing us (jealousy) so contact became for an hour or day a week before she got home from work. We'd do about 10 minutes travelling there, 40 minutes of our homework and back home again.. thrilling.
We needed to be gone before she got home and to leave no evidence because he was seeing us in secret. He only went to all that trouble because it made mum's life difficult though. She needed us home on that particular day each week and he knew it. He was free all the other days but picked that one when mum said that was the only one she couldn't do.

Yet I'd probably have to fight my husband for custody because he's so devoted to our kids. He does more with them than I do!

When my ex at the beginning of our split would have them (aged 3 and 7 at the time) then call me after 2 hours and complaining "they're so whingey I can't handle this come pick them up" I would tell them why, when they asked, they were coming home when they were expecting to spend the night. I did it in front of him once and he went absolutely batshit crazy - accuses me of poisoning them against him 😴

No, I'm telling them the truth. Why the actual fuck should I have lied to excuse him being a shit parent, whilst picking up the pieces of his uselessness. He was actually shocked that I wasn't making up lies to my kids to "protect" him

So far this year I've had the car has broken down the road is flooded the caravan park has flooded we needed rescuing and we are staying with relatives 100 miles away with no car because its flooded (the car he was driving a few days later) and other variations on that theme then from march when his children had symptoms he had full blown covid then he couldn't because of lockdown then he could when restrictions were lifted but just for an hour (no idea why an hour his idea) then he split from his girlfriend so it was he had been unwell for a few days his car broke down his car failed the mot his car broke down again he was ill again he got his days mixed up then his son decided to say no suddenly he was well and wanted to see him son comes down with covid symptoms and we need to isolate he sends heartfelt message about wishing he could be there for him son snipes back why this time you werent bothered in march and shuts convo down

Its getting to the point where son is losing his patience

@saturdaynightgin

My cousin’s child has seen his mum 4 times since February. She’s supposed to have him every Wednesday afternoon for a few hours. Excuses so far:

She hasn’t cleaned
She has a doctor/dentist appointment
She’s having her hair/nails done
Her friend needs a lift
She’s not feeling well
She thinks she has Covid (not isolating/getting tested tho)
She needs to go food shopping

When she does turn up, she’s often late and takes him home early. Poor little boy loves her so much and is always so upset

That's so sad . Why can't these "parents" see what they're doing to these children?

This is heartbreaking to read. There is something seriously wrong with these people who don't appear to love their own children or miss them when they are apart. My friend's ex actually moved to a different fucking country for about a year when their son was 2 - I couldn't believe it. He's back in his son's life now but fucking hell.

Do you know what else. I mean no disrespect to anyone that is with someone who doesn't see their children because I won't be aware of your particular circumstances, but for me... I would NEVER EVER date/be with a man who actively chose not to see his kids.. I would rather be step mum to 20 kids of a bloke then be with one who didn't see his children or continuously let them down.

@frustrationcentral actually want to cry reading this, my DD is my absolute universe the thought of that little disappointed look on her face because she felt let down.. I just couldn't cope :(

Poor little boy :(