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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Worst excuses for not seeing their children?

156 replies

JCWildWest · 14/09/2020 21:25

I bet there are some horror stories, but what are the worse excuses the non resident parent (mum or dad) have used to not collect their children for contact or arrange contact?

I’ve just had two good ones. Little bit of background. He’s a twat. Contact is sporadic and when he deems himself available in his busy life. His choice I have pursued endlessly to try and get something solid. He lives about 20 miles away, he moved, he has a motorbike.

  1. He has Covid as an excuse not to see DD for months. Saw her for the first time a few weeks ago. He has now decided Covid is a conspiracy and he doesn’t believe it and won’t be following government guidelines. He is refusing to wear a mask which means he can’t use public transport to come see DD.
  1. I asked why he couldn’t be use his bike to come to see her as he has a relative he has near us where they can meet. He says he is not insured on a weekend. Despite telling me he couldn’t see her the other weekend because he was out. On his bike.

I fucking despair

OP posts:
Thatcouldbeme · 14/09/2020 22:44

My "D"F came out with the following wonderful excuses as to why he couldn't see us, on the rare occasion he phoned.

"Your mother has friends in the police who will beat me up if I come near the house"
"Your mother told lies about me to the police"
"Your mother kicked me out with no money or clothes"
"I'm so far away from you all because of your mother" (he lived 3 miles away with his own mother)

Oh and my absolute favorite
"XXX (youngest sibling) isn't mine so that's why I can't see you" Confused

I was age 6/7 for most of those. Haven't spoken to him in 20 years now and better off for it. "XXX" is also the absolute doppelganger of him now which is hilarious to me.

You are all doing wonderfully and your kids will appreciate all you've done when they are older Flowers

Vector5 · 14/09/2020 22:45

Too many excuses and too outing to list. Plus we are currently going through court which I initiated due to his addictions.

But I wish I could share, there have been some absolute pearls

StarchyStanley · 14/09/2020 22:49

The most hurtful was when he was disgusting enough to say he couldn't see them (and they couldn't attend their half-brother's christening) because he was going to be "busy with family all weekend". Which left my then 11-year-olds asking me why he didn't consider them as family.

Jesus! Saying anything other than "because he's a useless piece of actual shit", must have taken a will of iron.

Some of these are absolutely horrendous. Absolute shits out there, stalking around, pretending to human Angry.

TheBusDriver · 14/09/2020 22:49

How many women have used covid as an excuse. I know at least 2 and the one has a gall.to complain as her ex has taken her to court for lack of access

FortniteBoysMum · 14/09/2020 22:52

I was told he couldn't come see his son on his birthday when due to visit at 5pm he couldn't because he had been in a car accident. Said he would drop the resent over in a couple days once he had a car sorted. I asked which hospital he was at incase needed a lift home. I didn't say I was at the hospital with my other son who cut his head open an hour before hand. My eldest was being watched by my mum o his birthday rather than sitting in the hospital. Anyway he told me he was in a and e at the hospital I was in. Funny enough when I told him I couldn't see him his phone went off for the next few days. Took 7 weeks for my son to get that birthday present and that's the last time he saw him.

FlappyGoLucky · 14/09/2020 22:53

My dad got married without telling my mum when he was meant to be coming to see me! I was 4. They’d split when I was 2 so no hard feelings there in terms of jealousy but my mum was like, well he could have phoned, he was meant to be coming to see you tonight! He never came back again. I was honestly not bothered.

StarchyStanley · 14/09/2020 22:54

@TheBusDriver

How many women have used covid as an excuse. I know at least 2 and the one has a gall.to complain as her ex has taken her to court for lack of access
The op specifically said this could be about any NRP, not just men, if that's what you're getting at Hmm.
KeepOnMovingForwards · 14/09/2020 22:55

My own dad got a new girlfriend and didn't see us for 4 months because they were "spending time together". I was maybe 12 then.
We're NC now.

Girlzroolz · 14/09/2020 23:03

My dad hardly ever bothered with excuses. He just made sure my mum had us out at the kerb (12, 9 & 3yo) with bags and snacks packed at some random time, dictated by him.

Then he wouldn’t come. We’d be out there for hours. I remember the younger two asking me a billion questions about where he was, why he wasn’t coming, worrying he’d been in an accident. It took years of this shit for them to accept he just wanted to hurt and inconvenience mum, and didn’t even give us a second thought.

Not even worth coming up with an excuse before, during or after.

IncludeWomenInTheSequel · 14/09/2020 23:05

@FortniteBoysMum

I was told he couldn't come see his son on his birthday when due to visit at 5pm he couldn't because he had been in a car accident. Said he would drop the resent over in a couple days once he had a car sorted. I asked which hospital he was at incase needed a lift home. I didn't say I was at the hospital with my other son who cut his head open an hour before hand. My eldest was being watched by my mum o his birthday rather than sitting in the hospital. Anyway he told me he was in a and e at the hospital I was in. Funny enough when I told him I couldn't see him his phone went off for the next few days. Took 7 weeks for my son to get that birthday present and that's the last time he saw him.
Oh my god. I bet your kids are fucking lovely too. What a massive dickhead. Angry
BaylisAndHardon · 14/09/2020 23:09

@FortniteBoysMum what an absolute fucknugget. How long ago was that?

bettycat81 · 14/09/2020 23:14

So many excuses...

Cough.
Cold.
Cough and a cold.
Hit by a truck.
Fell backwards over a palette.
Tummy ache.
Was going to come but thought I'd want to spend more time with DC.
Trains not running (train app confirmed they were).
Can't walk.
Bad back.

.....

Took too many painkillers.

ImNotWhoYouThinkIam · 14/09/2020 23:17

"You can't come over tonight (NYE) as new baby has been rushed into hospital". Weird how his Facebook was full of photos of their house party, and his step daughter asked them why "your bitch of a mum wouldn't let you come to the party" His younger children have always been conveniently ill on NYE/ when he's known i needed him to have them for work or something I can't miss.

"I cant pick you up today as the car has broken down" I pointed out that we live on the same bus route so he could come and get them that way but apparently he "doesn't use buses" and couldn't afford the bus fare (even though he'd just bought a ps4 which was brand new at the time)

"Wife isn't prepared to have you and your pathetic fussy eating in the house any more. Its making the other children a nightmare to feed because they copy you" DS is pescetarian, hardly pathetic and fussy (this was kicked off by an argument over a roast potato which led to them being sent home early on boxing day)

"I can't see you for the next 2 weeks because we're going on a family holiday" What are they then? The fucking hired help?

"Well as you know we can't see you at the moment because its illegal due to covid"Hmm

Hes seen them twice since lockdown and has now told them "obviously we can't see you anymore at the moment because there are already more than 6 of us in the house". That rule doesn't apply to children of separated parents, and even if it did he could meet them on their own for an afternoon. But he won't do that because its "not fair" on his other children

It breaks my hearts and the dc have gone through periods of not seeing him for months. But at 16 and 13 its their choice to see him or not. I'm just here to dry tears when needed.

Pieceofpurplesky · 14/09/2020 23:19

My ex never has DS overnight and regularly cancels catching up as he has football or band practice .... he's 52

ImNotWhoYouThinkIam · 14/09/2020 23:20

plus the usual excuses of he's ill (not sure how he thinks I manage), he's got a bad back (yep. I couldn't actually move with mine, apparently his 'ached' when he walked). Can't afford petrol because him and his wife have 5 other dc to feed.

Blah blah. Fucking cunt.

Pieceofpurplesky · 14/09/2020 23:21

Oh and he's not allowed to go to his Dad's house as he wouldn't eat his girlfriend's food ... it was chilli DS has hated chilli all his life. He's 16

Original poster
JCWildWest · 14/09/2020 23:21

Girlzroolz hits it quite well there. I can never quite put my finger on why but even after a decade I feel part of his ‘games’ is to get at me/piss me off etc and that DD is secondary. I’ve often thought I was looking too inwardly, I try desperately not to give a reaction because he seems to feed if it. I only ever answer with ‘ok’.

OP posts:
Alwaysinpain · 14/09/2020 23:21

@alphabetti

Aw your poor daughter but she will see fit herself when she’s older.

My ex walker out years ago leaving me with 2 little ones saying he realised he had to concentrate on himself. When asked for maintenance he said you can get tax credits and refused to pay a penny.

It’s horrible at the time but kids are resilient and hopefully things will work out well for you too.

Why on earth didn't you claim via the CSA??
Armychefbethebest · 14/09/2020 23:26

My youngest 2 are 13 and 11 and will have no contact with dad for 3 years on 17th December the last day he saw them and promised to be back by christmas day with there presents never to be seen again this resulted in me sat on the floor on christmas eve with 2 broken hearted kids who didnt understand where dad had gone ,they've hardened a little now the eldest one had 2 severe curves in her spine needed major surgery to correct it was a very stressful time I made sure he was aware because I know people who worked with him , not even a text he is a disgrace I wouldnt allow him back in their lives to break their hearts all over again

lyralalala · 14/09/2020 23:26

@Riddikulusness

Lyralalala that’s heartbreaking. What a pig!
He's a class A wanker.

DD1 has barely seen him since that incident.

I had a thread on here just 2 weeks ago when DD2 (the girls are now 17) had spent the day at his house baking and cooking for his birthday (he was meant to be having a small family gathering in his garden the next day). His ex-wife, who hated the girls from the second she got pregnant, got wind of DD being there and decided that because of Covid they should have a small gathering at her house instead and DD wasn't invited.

When DD realised that not only was she not invited, but heard him telling his ex that he'd bring the cakes, quiches and things she'd spent the day making she waited til he popped out, put them all into boxes and bags, hopped in a taxi and brought them all home.

She is now done with him as well. I also got the chance to tell him once and for all what I think of him when he phoned to have a pop at DD. He also got his arse handed to him on a plate when he had a whinge at how immature and bratty she'd been on Facebook.

EThreepwood · 14/09/2020 23:28

We are 5 week's NC now because he doesn't want to commit to set days and would make time for DDs when they want to see him.

He was a flakey every other Sunday afternoon Dad at best. DD2 doesn't have a relationship because she sees him so little and was 1 when we split so can't quite remember him. DD1 loves him but for 5 week's now hasn't asked to see him

gumball37 · 14/09/2020 23:30

He tells everyone that I kept him from out son. And recently that I lied when I told him he didn't have any rights.

When I was pregnant divorce and custody papers were drawn up a month after my son was born they were sent to my ex. He signed them. Giving me full physical and legal custody and him no visitation. So when he called an asked to see him I said no... Because I knew if I went against our agreement once he'd be a flaky ass forever about it. He told me he would take me to court... I told him to go ahead. That was when my son was months old ... I never went to court.

They met when my son was 10 because his dad had a baby and my son wanted to meet his brother. It was constantly me chasing and I gave up. Tried to get him to let the boys just have a relationship and he flat out told me no. My son's therapist recently reached out and he agreed right away... But that HE would be there and the bitch I am needed to just deal with that.

He's a fucker.

gumball37 · 14/09/2020 23:33

@lyralalala how did that turn out.. cause I remember that post

nestisflown · 14/09/2020 23:35

Fuck. All of these stories are horrific.

creaturcomforts · 14/09/2020 23:37

I cant see you this weekend to dd 12, as I need to help my mum wallpaper her lounge. The massive child was punishing her as she had not wanted to see him the week before due to his ongoing lack of interest. I think these excuses are not just ridiculous but incredibly sad for the children.