Worst excuses for not seeing their children?

[JCWildWest]

I bet there are some horror stories, but what are the worse excuses the non resident parent (mum or dad) have used to not collect their children for contact or arrange contact?

I’ve just had two good ones. Little bit of background. He’s a twat. Contact is sporadic and when he deems himself available in his busy life. His choice I have pursued endlessly to try and get something solid. He lives about 20 miles away, he moved, he has a motorbike.

1. He has Covid as an excuse not to see DD for months. Saw her for the first time a few weeks ago. He has now decided Covid is a conspiracy and he doesn’t believe it and won’t be following government guidelines. He is refusing to wear a mask which means he can’t use public transport to come see DD.

1. I asked why he couldn’t be use his bike to come to see her as he has a relative he has near us where they can meet. He says he is not insured on a weekend. Despite telling me he couldn’t see her the other weekend because he was out. On his bike.

I fucking despair

@frustrationcentral it’s heartbreaking. And to make matters worse, she fills his head with nonsense about all the fun things they’ll do when he ‘goes to live with her soon’

My ex doesn’t even bother with excuses. He simply has no interest. He makes no bones about it. He’s seen his son a handful of times in the past five years. Not one fork given by the man. He likes to remind me he didn’t want him in the first place. DS is now 18 and is a complete Emotional and psychological mess due to his father’s rejection of him. But of course, it’s all my doing!

My ex had a variety while he still actually saw DS but the best was when he turned up to court (I'd applied for a residence order as he had had no contact for 18 months by this point and I didn't want to have to seek permission to go on holiday etc particularly as he can be spiteful) and he told the courts he couldn't see DS because he couldn't afford even a slice of bread to feed him during contact. The court asked if he didn't think this would change and he might change his mind and he said he didn't think so....all in a fake Irish accent. I'm not entirely certain why he turned up except to unsettle me, as he actually agreed to everything I'd asked for and further asked for no contact.

DS is 9 in December and hasn't seen him for nearly 7 years now (but does still see his paternal grandparents) and my DH is hoping to adopt DS next year so a happy ending for us :)

I feel so sorry for the children, there cant be anything more damaging than just being thrown on the scrap heap like rubbish, I cant get my head round it so I seriously cant see how children cope and as alot of posters have said it's sad and unnecessary. I know some women do this as well as men, and it would be a deal breaker for me too if a partner didn't see their kids for whatever reason excuse they give.

My dd is 13 and hasn't seen her dad or had contact for 2 years now after he moved away for a new family, he told her it was my fault as I was bitter and hated him yet I was so distraught by the situation financially and the fact that he was moving far away and thought he wouldn't bother with his daughter to think about him at all, and my dd didn't need to deal with my anger at her dad and he was not the centre of my world to give two sh*ts about!

He caused alot of drama and it was all for attention I thought so I ignored him which made him furious, it's all just selfishness really, not a thought for the kids and it makes me feel exhausted all the games!

I'm so sorry for my dd as they were close and all of a sudden she said she felt completely dumped by him, but in hindsight it's the best thing for her that's hes not there as he let her down on contact so much.

Ffs it's the children that bear all the burden of their parents self centred ness and they need to be forgotten about

Good for your DD @lyralalala

I think now ive had first hand experience of it.. I can truly see how emotionally destructive it is to a child.. My heart broke into a million pieces when she said "daddy go away" it was just abandonment. I will never let him see her again until I am forced to by the courts.

DH'S ex has a new boyfriend. We have them 50/50. Was seeing him at his in another county all through lockdown, meaning she couldn't see the kids. She has never worked and said if she "has to get a job then you will have to have them full time because I won't have time to do the food shop"

Sunburn.

Then fast forward a year or so after a year of no contact & domestic abuse. Refused because he didn't want to pay contact centre fee. Which was £5. I even offered to pay half and for his taxi there.

[quote saturdaynightgin]@frustrationcentral it’s heartbreaking. And to make matters worse, she fills his head with nonsense about all the fun things they’ll do when he ‘goes to live with her soon’[/quote]
That's just bloody abusive , poor lad

My ex has seven DC now (thankfully we have none together) and he pays a grand total of 35p per week maintenance. That's not even per child. That's it. 5p a child a week.

Ah yes mine is a twat also.

Not seen the kids for 6 years and works cash in hand so never had a penny.

The CMS need to get going on the self-employed non resident parents - they make up whatever salary they like!

@vanillandhoney I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Laugh because that's an utter joke and cry for the children because the father is so pathetic. Honestly. 35p.

[quote Puppy72]@vanillandhoney I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Laugh because that's an utter joke and cry for the children because the father is so pathetic. Honestly. 35p.[/quote]
It's such a joke isn't it? It's just insulting!

I don't even know how the cms can grant such a ridiculous figure. I'd rather nothing at all!

As a child we were informed by my cousin that our dad had married his girlfriend while on holiday with her family (she was from another country). His parents had also attended along with our half brother but not only were were not invited but he couldn't even be bothered to tell us about it. His excuse was his new wife's family had organised it all without telling him 🙄

@Puppy72

I don't even know how the cms can grant such a ridiculous figure. I'd rather nothing at all!

I think it's something to do with them only being able to deduct a certain percentage of your wages as you have to be left with a certain amount to live on after bills.

And once you get beyond a certain number of children (I think three) they can't keep increasing the amount they deduct, so the amount each child gets just keeps getting smaller!

It's such an insult. Two of the mothers gets 15p a week, the other gets 5p. It's awful. Imagine a child learning that their dad paid 5p a week towards their upbringing!

3 years ago ExDP asked if he could come around - but specifically when DS was in bed. No guesses what was on his mind. He got his arse served to him and has shown absolutely no interest since. DS has an abstract idea of what a father is but at least he isn't getting his heart broken every other weekend.

They should make an alternative site uselesswasteofspaceparentsnet

My son didn’t see his dad for a month due to his dad’s health anxiety over Covid. Conveniently overlooking my own anxiety issues (this has been fully diagnosed and medicated, not just my own assessment!). After a month of particularly bad behaviour I started to fall apart and told him to come and get his son because I was having a breakdown. Once forced, weirdly, he was able to start seeing him again. Arsehole.

@lyralalala what a cunt!

My ex told me "sorry not gonna work" when I asked about cultivating a relationship between our son and his son. My son was so upset. He has 2 siblings in our house... So it's not like he doesn't have siblings to spend time with... But he really wants to know his brother. I told my son that when they're adults they can make their own decisions. (As an aside... His therapists contacted my ex about the relationship with my son's brother and because THEY asked.... Now he's all for it.... Fucker.)

I'm very glad she stuck to her guns even if it is sad for her.

I think knowing this might help understand why there are so many of these uncaring progenitors out there:
"1–2% of people are full blown psychopaths with 90% correlation to the clinically precise psychopath.

5–10% of people are moderately psychopathic, with a large amount of psychopathic traits, but not so many as to draw a great deal of attention to it, as such, it is likely they will never realise, or that anyone will notice."
From here: www.quora.com/Are-1-out-of-100-people-psychopaths-More-Or-less

www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/the-social-thinker/201801/3-key-traits-may-be-red-flags-psychopathy offers this conclusion:
"Real-world psychopaths are the perfect storm of egotism, manipulation, and a lack of conscience."

So if you've met up with a common or garden psychopath (as opposed to a criminal one) then chances are they'll turn out to be a shit ex, and they're not that uncommon, sadly.

@vanillandhoney I'd ask the CMS for a reassement! The flat rate (which even applies to parents on benefits) is £7 per week. So he would have to have over 100 children before they would only be getting 5p per week.

[quote TheFormerPorpentinaScamander]@vanillandhoney I'd ask the CMS for a reassement! The flat rate (which even applies to parents on benefits) is £7 per week. So he would have to have over 100 children before they would only be getting 5p per week.[/quote]
I don't have DC with him :)

I don't know it's been worked out, it's just what his ex has told me!

"Too busy " because it was coming up to the "Marching" season. NI and central Scotland readers will understand this.

Oops sorry @vanillandhoney I misread your post! Lucky escape for you I think! I'd be inclined to not believe his ex in all honesty. (And I usually err on the side of the mother)
Only because 5p per child doesn't match up to any of the CMS rates!