Sister fallen out with me because I won’t break the new Covid rules

[User1927472940191]

Name changed because this is outing.

My sister’s wedding was planned for May this year, obviously it didn’t go ahead. They rebooked for late September, hoping that the world would be back to normal.

She has a church wedding followed by a reception in her fiancées garden booked, with a marquee. 30 guests are going. I’ve said that while I know the rules don’t make sense, I think it’s important to do the right thing and follow them. I’m going to attend the wedding, then they are throwing an additional reception next year which I will attend. But I’m not willing to go to a party in his parents’ back garden.

She is extremely upset with me, and saying her interpretation of the rules is that a reception in their private back garden is OK.

For info, I’m also 8 months pregnant, there isn’t going to be any catering at the reception (due to Covid regulations), no chairs in the marquee, and no access to toilets. It’s 4 hours drive from where I live.

I really hope I’m doing the right thing. What do others think?

For info, I’m also 8 months pregnant, there isn’t going to be any catering at the reception (due to Covid regulations), no chairs in the marquee, and no access to toilets. It’s 4 hours drive from where I live.

Not a chance I'd stand around in a tent for hours with no food or access to a toilet. Go to the ceremony and then go home. She sounds like a shit host.

OP, it’s hard planning a wedding this year so go gently with her. I think you made a mistake in telling her you think the rules are stupid but want to follow them anyway.

Do you actually care about her? If so, then I think you should be focusing on protecting her and making sure she has a good day - so tell her you’ve read the guidance and you're very worried her planned reception will be shut down by police as it’s against the rules. Then offer to help her find a venue to host it legally (there’s probably lots of hotels and restaurants who would love the work right now). You can also emphasise how you want the reception to be a real success so she needs to provide toilets and food, otherwise everyone will leave very quickly.

Once she’s got proper, legal plans in place you should make every effort to attend, pregnant or not - she’s your sister and she’s had a shitty unfair experience this year.

@Conkergame

Do you actually care about her? If so, then I think you should be focusing on protecting her and making sure she has a good day

Same could be said for the sisters attitude towards OP, who seems to expect their 8 month sister to attend with no access to seating, food or a toilet for a prolonged amount of time. Also seems a bit bonkers not to have seating as it will help people stick to social distancing, which is particularly important for someone who is 8 months pregnant as her lung capacity and immune system are reduced.

Then offer to help her find a venue to host it legally (there’s probably lots of hotels and restaurants who would love the work right now).

OP has said sister has planned another reception for next year, doubt she will want to plan and pay for two.

Dont focus on Covid, just on notbeing able to stand/ needing a readily accessible toilet. She may not have been pregnant yet, if necessary get another female relative to explain to her she is BVVU.

Conkergame

OP, it’s hard planning a wedding this year so go gently with her.”

Ill-advised would be another way of putting it. Anyone insisting on going ahead this year has to be equally understanding towards guests. There are many who will have to decline, for very sound reasons, regardless of how the bride and groom feel about rules.

For a lot of people, the “rules” are irrelevant. If you’ve been shielding until recently, it’s not suddenly ok to be mixing with 30 others just because the shower in Westminster says it is.

@BubblyBarbara that should be on a canvas beside one that says 'live laugh love'.

MN really hates weddings so I’d take some of this advice with a pinch of salt. MN also seems to think you lose all ability to do anything whilst pregnant. Thankfully neither of these have been my experience in real life.

Weddings tend to be hugely emotional affairs for the people organising them, they’re expensive, which leads to stress, and they are often planned ages in advance, which means last minute plans are especially difficult. Yes it’s not possible to stand for 4 hours without food or toilet when 8 months pregnant, but somehow I think OP has not got the full picture here as it’s extremely unlikely that a loo and chairs won’t be available and at least some snacks.

OP, your best approach here is to try to help your sister plan a lawful, nice event. Just telling her you’re not coming isn’t helpful or kind. She’s got 30 guests to think of at very short notice, so can’t plan the whole thing just around you. But if you help her to see the current plan isn’t feasible for anyone then there’s still a chance for her to plan and have a lovely day.

Love a good wedding Conkergame. Just not right now 🤷‍♀️.

As you say, luckily not your experience of pregnancy.

But what are they going to DO at the reception?!

No food, not chairs, no toilets? I find that hard to believe. Did you exaggerate that bit so people would side with you OP? For what it's worth if it were my sister I would go to an actual reception with food, toilets etc. but not in those conditions.

I was thinking the same @Onxob. What will actually happen at this reception? Will people just stand around (1 metre + apart...) with nothing to do? Hardly seems worth it. They might as well say they'll have a party later when things change.

@EleanorOalike
You are incorrect. The guidance states the reception SHOULD not be in a private house or garden (my capitalisation).
But the word 'should' is defined on the same page dated 11 September 2020

www.gov.uk/government/publications/covid-19-guidance-for-small-marriages-and-civil-partnerships/covid-19-guidance-for-small-marriages-and-civil-partnerships

So, provided the reception (up to a max of 30) is in a Covid Secure environment, it can take place in a private house or garden.
However, in the circumstances I would NOT advise the OP to go, based on the fact that this reception does not (on the face of it) meet these Covid Secure guidelines.

Personally, I would not attempt to host such an event in these circumstances, and any host should be able to demonstrate it is Covid Secure, with social distancing, sanitiser, track and trace, etc

To know what other things are allowed or not allowed, or how to manage, check the guidance on dancing, cutting the cake, speeches, etc

If you weren't pregnant, you could go to the ceremony and possibly risk the reception for as long as your rumbling stomach and full bladder allowed.

However - it's 4 hours away at 8 months pregnant. That's a huge ask, even if you just went to the ceremony and came back again.

Yanbu OP.
Your sister will likely realise this in the fullness of time!
Weddings do strange things to people!

This proposed reception sounds terrible.

Even if the regulations specifically said this number of people was okay, I still wouldn’t want to go.

A 4 hour drive to get there, and then a reception with no seating, no food and no toilet access?

No one’s going to want to stay for long, anyone uncomfortable with the idea of pissing behind a shrub will be heading home as soon as their bladder starts to feel even slightly full. And if that doesn’t put them off, they’ll be off when their legs get tired or they get hungry.

I’d not be staying at a reception like that for very long at all even if I was completely unbothered about Covid.

@milveycrohn I don’t give a rat’s arse that it’s not a LEGAL requirement. The guidance is very clearly that receptions SHOULD NOT take place in private homes or gardens. And I feel strongly that we should follow the guidance and not be selfish and think we are above published guidelines.

EleanorOalike

Unfortunately, folk with no medical vulnerabilities (that they are aware of) just don’t seem to be understanding this.

One day, you were shielding and would likely drop if you set foot outdoors. Next day, Boris decided ,nah, you’ll be fine, get back to work and earn your keep.

Oh, thank you, great leader, such a relief. I feel safe in your hands.

Not 🙄

@LouiseNW Indeed. I was Shielding. I’m very lucky that my employer’s are insisting I work from home as I work in a high risk environment usually, so at least they have some common sense.

Weddings are high risk activities so I think those holding them have a moral duty to ensure the safety of their guests and those the guests live with and not to think “what’s the bare minimum I can get away with?”. At the moment in the US, there’s a wedding that has resulted in 5 deaths, and 178 cases of Covid. I wonder if the “happy couple” feel their big wedding was worth breaking the US guidelines for?

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.forbes.com/sites/carlieporterfield/2020/09/15/death-of-fifth-person-linked-to-maine-wedding-comes-following-wave-of-coronavirus-cases-from-summer-nuptials/amp/

I should add, that wedding had 65 guests when the limit was 50. The majority of those infected did NOT attend the wedding but were infected by guests who had contracted Covid at the wedding. Just awful.

Pregnant is a vulnerable group, higher risk of death. That alone should stop you.

@skippy67

I thought weddings were exempt from the rule of 6?

I think the service just not reception.

@EleanorOalike

It’s actually now 7 deaths associated with that wedding . One of the guests that caught it at the wedding took it back to the care facility where they either work or live and it killed 6 of the residents. None of the deaths were of people who attended the wedding which in a way, to me, makes it worse. They were unwitting victims. At least the attendees had the choice of going to the wedding or not. But those they spread it to and killed didn’t have that choice. Horrible.

There’s been worldwide cases linked to weddings - 100 cases linked to an Indian wedding where the groom ended up dying of Covid. An Iranian wedding where both of the brides parents were killed by Covid.

OP, don’t go. You are pregnant so higher risk and your sister is having a reception at another time. Put yourself and your unborn child first. Your sister is being unspeakably selfish.

Weddings are exempt from the rule of six.

It’s unequivocal
Weddings in public places are exempt if up to 30 people

Clear as day

Weddings AND receptions

Absolutely explicit
Are permitted up to 30

A garden is a private place...