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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister fallen out with me because I won’t break the new Covid rules

185 replies

User1927472940191 · 14/09/2020 18:18

Name changed because this is outing.

My sister’s wedding was planned for May this year, obviously it didn’t go ahead. They rebooked for late September, hoping that the world would be back to normal.

She has a church wedding followed by a reception in her fiancées garden booked, with a marquee. 30 guests are going. I’ve said that while I know the rules don’t make sense, I think it’s important to do the right thing and follow them. I’m going to attend the wedding, then they are throwing an additional reception next year which I will attend. But I’m not willing to go to a party in his parents’ back garden.

She is extremely upset with me, and saying her interpretation of the rules is that a reception in their private back garden is OK.

For info, I’m also 8 months pregnant, there isn’t going to be any catering at the reception (due to Covid regulations), no chairs in the marquee, and no access to toilets. It’s 4 hours drive from where I live.

I really hope I’m doing the right thing. What do others think?

OP posts:
Pobblebonk · 15/09/2020 07:45

[quote NameChange84]@Pobblebonk it does actually specify gardens are also not allowed in the government I have posted on here twice now (and another poster).

www.gov.uk/government/publications/covid-19-guidance-for-small-marriages-and-civil-partnerships/covid-19-guidance-for-wedding-and-civil-partnership-receptions-and-celebrations[/quote]
But that's the guidance - ultimately what matters is the wording of the regulations themselves.

ScrapThatThen · 15/09/2020 07:50

I feel your pain, it's hard with family members, I had a similar dilemma with a funeral, where you feel you have to be there to support them but they are not within the rules. I think she faces a not insignificant risk of a fine, had she budgeted for it?

Afibtomyboy · 15/09/2020 17:38

Loads won’t i reckon
So much smaller group
She must be so disappointed with how her wedding has had to change
I would go.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 15/09/2020 17:38

Only the ceremony, not the reception if it's in a private residence.

No, YANBU OP. If they get reported, everyone could be fined. Not worth the risk unless they're willing to pay everyone's fines for them!

This is wrong, reception can be in private garden or anywhere, up to 30 people so long as it is a wedding reception. Surely they can hire some chairs and you can use your mum's loo or even go and have a lay down if you want to? It's fine to go, unless you don't want to but then don't use the rule of 6 as an excuse because its not valid.

altiara · 15/09/2020 18:10

Sounds hideous! No food, drink, chairs, toilets and a 4 hour drive away! I’d be thanking my lucky stars if I was 8 months pregnant and using that as an excuse, otherwise just a plain “no I can’t make it”.

Afibtomyboy · 15/09/2020 18:12

@Toomuchtrouble4me

Only the ceremony, not the reception if it's in a private residence.

No, YANBU OP. If they get reported, everyone could be fined. Not worth the risk unless they're willing to pay everyone's fines for them!

This is wrong, reception can be in private garden or anywhere, up to 30 people so long as it is a wedding reception. Surely they can hire some chairs and you can use your mum's loo or even go and have a lay down if you want to? It's fine to go, unless you don't want to but then don't use the rule of 6 as an excuse because its not valid.

So if this is correct There you have it

If you don’t go.... it will be because you don’t want to for you own reasons. Fair enough. But I’d go for sure

Afibtomyboy · 15/09/2020 18:12

@altiara

Sounds hideous! No food, drink, chairs, toilets and a 4 hour drive away! I’d be thanking my lucky stars if I was 8 months pregnant and using that as an excuse, otherwise just a plain “no I can’t make it”.
Even if your sister?!
EleanorOalike · 15/09/2020 18:16

Why do people keep saying it’s fine to go ahead when several people have posted the guidance on this thread explicitly saying that it has to be Covid Secure Venues only and not homes or gardens?! Are they not reading the thread or thinking the guidance doesn’t apply to them?!

Localocal · 15/09/2020 18:36

No toilets? That will be a very short reception. Say you have talked it over with your doctor and he has advised you not to go. Covid aside, ladies who are eight months pregnant should not try to hold it. Or stand up for more than a few minutes. Or be 4 hours away from home. I think it's sporting of you to go to the ceremony and she should be happy with that.

FelicisNox · 15/09/2020 18:41

YANBU simply for your last 2 paragraphs and she shouldn't be so bloody selfish.

Turn it around on her and say: the pandemic hasn't gone away and you think your heavily pregnant high risk sister is being unreasonable for not attending the after party with no chairs or toilets? Really? Are you actually telling me your ill timed wedding is more important than my health and that of your DN? Wow. Just wow.

Leave her to think about it.

You're doing the right thing. Just because she's outraged doesn't mean she's right.

Beastieboys · 15/09/2020 18:47

So you're all going to a wedding and then all back to his home to stand in a tent with no seats and no refreshments....... What's the point!
They might as well get married if that's what they want and then wait until regulations slacken off

altiara · 15/09/2020 18:48

Afibtomyboy
Even worse If it was sister! The B&G would know when they moved the date how pregnant their sister would be. Obviously it’s their choice on dates, but guests choice on whether they can come or not.
I would’ve been a borderline ‘No’ just thinking about the journey. Add that “wedding reception”, I’d just feel relief at saying no.

Petlover9 · 15/09/2020 19:10

No toilets- for 4 hours ??? You won't be the only one not attending !

ohcarolina2001 · 15/09/2020 20:23

What's the latest advice for pregnant women? I thought most were shielding from 28 weeks anyway?

SurroundedByIdiotsEverywhere · 15/09/2020 20:34

YANBU at all... Bloody women and weddings... Arghhhhh

LittleMsM · 15/09/2020 22:07

The rules say specifically that special events can not be catered in private gardens. Also, you'll need to wee.... Guessing she's sans children.

SHONNYSMUMMY · 15/09/2020 22:12

Your not being unreasonable based on the risk to you as your pregnant plus no toilet 🤣 what. But just for information wedding receptions up to 30 are allowed.

ProudAuntie76 · 16/09/2020 01:18

@SHONNYSMUMMY

Your not being unreasonable based on the risk to you as your pregnant plus no toilet 🤣 what. But just for information wedding receptions up to 30 are allowed.
For YOUR information, they are only allowed in a Covid Secure Venue. Not a member of the public’s garden.
Userzzz · 16/09/2020 01:56

It’s a virus that kills less than 1% of the population. YABU. It’s your sisters wedding. I would never forgive you.

timeisnotaline · 16/09/2020 04:36

@Userzzz

It’s a virus that kills less than 1% of the population. YABU. It’s your sisters wedding. I would never forgive you.
Forget the virus, if you didnt give a shit that I was already driving 4 hours at over 8 months pregnant to get to your wedding and you wanted to demand I stand for 4 hours without a toilet available on top of that, you’re not worth calling a sister anyway.
Torvean32 · 16/09/2020 05:16

@Toomuchtrouble4me

Only the ceremony, not the reception if it's in a private residence.

No, YANBU OP. If they get reported, everyone could be fined. Not worth the risk unless they're willing to pay everyone's fines for them!

This is wrong, reception can be in private garden or anywhere, up to 30 people so long as it is a wedding reception. Surely they can hire some chairs and you can use your mum's loo or even go and have a lay down if you want to? It's fine to go, unless you don't want to but then don't use the rule of 6 as an excuse because its not valid.

You're wrong. Guidance was updated on the 11th.

From 15 August 2020 receptions and other celebrations for weddings and civil partnerships can take place, but only in a COVID-19 secure environment/venue. Such events should not take place in people’s private homes (or adjoining outdoor spaces like gardens), given that these will not have the same COVID-19 Secure measures in place.

themusicmum · 16/09/2020 05:36

You are doing the rthing. Driving 4 hours and attending while pregant is hard enough and that's be fy get to covid rules. Stand your ground.

AuroraSophia · 16/09/2020 07:29

When you look back at this in years to
Come you will remember you listened to some bogus government about not going to your own sisters wedding. Don’t follow the sheeple

nettie434 · 16/09/2020 08:08

@AuroraSophia

When you look back at this in years to Come you will remember you listened to some bogus government about not going to your own sisters wedding. Don’t follow the sheeple
The OP explained that she is going to her sister's wedding. She is just not going to the reception afterwards.
Pobblebonk · 16/09/2020 08:09

Using the term "sheeple" round here really should be a banning offence.

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