To not pay my parent’s bills so they can work parttime?

[SoftChewyFoods]

Basically the above.

I could afford to help them out on 1 or 2 bills so they could cut down hours at work. But I don’t want to, I was hoping to wait until they were much much older. They’re only early 50s.

I don’t want to yet because they will want more and more bills paid and they currently use emotional blackmail to try and persuade me to do it like “But Mel’s son pays her bills and she works parttime and he earns less than you so you could help me” or “You clearly don’t like me much if you won’t help me out” or my very favourite “at my time of life I should be slowing down and doing less”

For context I have a sibling who cannot work and never will, they don’t live with this parent they live with our other parent.

I have my own child to support singlehandedly as for various reason my Ex doesn’t pay maintenance.

AIBU?

Vote:
YANBU - Don't pay the bills
YABU - Pay the bills

Do you live with this parent?

No I don't live with them

Well, if you don’t live with them, they can piss off! What a pair of chancers.

Your house your bills their house their bills

I'm just a handful of years away from being early fifties, no way I'd expect my kids to take on my bills so I can cut down working! Especially if one of them was a single parent struggling financially already!

You need to shut that conversation down sharpish OP. Any extra money you have at the end of the month should be invested in your own dc, your parent still has 10 years of work left in them!

Their bills, they pay, it's rather simple.

Crikey, I'm 62 and still working like a demon, and expect to for at least another 5 years. I think they're really taking the piss here.

If you earn a few million a year and they are asking for their electric bill to be paid, it's a bit tight not to. Otherwise yanbu.

Early 50s?? They need to carry on working like the rest of the population.
I would say a simple "No, that's not happening, I cannot afford to subsidise you, so you need to pay your own bills". Be firm Op. I'm in my mid 50s and I'll be working fulltime into my mid to late 60s. I certainly wont be expecting my DC to be paying my bills. Cheeky cow.

They should be ashamed of themselves but seeing as they both have
Zero personal insight maybe you could use yours?

They want to take bread out of your child's mouth, no one ever thought on
Their death bed, I wish I had felt more guilty about such and such

Start as you mean to go on, other wise they will bleed you dry

Never heard of this unless they are very poor and you are exceptionally rich. You never know what’s around the corner. I’m heading for 50 and wouldn’t ever except money from DCs unless we were in real financial difficulties and it would be very manageable for them

Nope. You pay that into your pension!

@PremierInn no I earn just over average uk earnings, I do have left over money and could in theory afford to help them out but I don't want to as it would affect my DDs lifestyle.

Why would you, if you have spare money save for the future or spend on yourself/dc

I am early 50s work full time and if I suggested this to my D.C. they would laugh and ask me if I was feeling OK

The only time this might be reasonable is if the younger person was a high flier with plenty of disposable income and the older person was on a low wage

Unless there is an exceptional back story to this, he/she is at best a lazy fucker and at worst, a really shit parent for expecting their child and grandchild to potentially go without just so they can laze around. If they were elderly and infirm they might have a point but I’m sure there are many parents in their 50s still supporting their kids!

Unless you're a millionaire and they have grafted all their lives and can barely make ends meet they are being so entitled!!

Wow. I'm late 50s with two kids in school and I can't imagine asking them to ever help with bills unless they were doing really well.and I was in trouble.

I can never understand this. I wouldn't ask my kids to pay anything for me unless I was desperate!! Say no!!

Fuck that!

"You clearly don't care about your grandchild much if you're willing to take money off the only person who provides for her"

Is it a cultural thing?

Some backgrounds are more intergenerational when it comes to sharing finances or helping with bills.

Doesn’t make them reasonable though.

I’d just laugh in response as if they’re making a joke. If their in their early 50s they could be working for another 15 years. It could also harm their pension contributions meaning they have even less when they do retire.

They are ridiculous. Unless there's a massive drip feed coming there is no reason why you should be paying their bills, especially if they're only in their 50s!! They sound very manipulative and pretty horrible actually

Can they not go part time and claim benefits to top up their wage?

Why can't they work full time. If they're healthy etc I don't see the problem. Being a single parent is tough enough without giving it to relatives who are capable of supporting themselves.Id put any spare £ into an account for your child to maybe give them a a hand to with any college or university plans at age 16 onwards.

Maybe a discussion about household budgeting is called for - if they can't afford their bills, or want to cut their hours, they find a way to cut back