To not pay my parent’s bills so they can work parttime?

[SoftChewyFoods]

Basically the above.

I could afford to help them out on 1 or 2 bills so they could cut down hours at work. But I don’t want to, I was hoping to wait until they were much much older. They’re only early 50s.

I don’t want to yet because they will want more and more bills paid and they currently use emotional blackmail to try and persuade me to do it like “But Mel’s son pays her bills and she works parttime and he earns less than you so you could help me” or “You clearly don’t like me much if you won’t help me out” or my very favourite “at my time of life I should be slowing down and doing less”

For context I have a sibling who cannot work and never will, they don’t live with this parent they live with our other parent.

I have my own child to support singlehandedly as for various reason my Ex doesn’t pay maintenance.

AIBU?

Vote:
YANBU - Don't pay the bills
YABU - Pay the bills

Cheeky fuckers, I’m mid fifties, absolutely no way would I expect my D.C. to pay my bills so I can live the easy life.

I'm not paying my parents bills, ever. They can move in here if they need physical help in their old age but otherwise not a chance while they are working age.

@TerribleCustomerCervix

Is it a cultural thing?

Some backgrounds are more intergenerational when it comes to sharing finances or helping with bills.

Doesn’t make them reasonable though.

I’d just laugh in response as if they’re making a joke. If their in their early 50s they could be working for another 15 years. It could also harm their pension contributions meaning they have even less when they do retire.

This is what i was thinking as ive never heard of anyone i know doing this!

Hard no from me. They aren’t even elderly, 50’s is young. “At my time of life” what do they even mean?!?!

My mum used to help us with childcare, we would never have been able to afford 3 DC without her help, however, I would not have wanted her to pay bills for her. My mum lived with us for 3 years and wanted to contribute as she felt guilty we were using more water/food/having the heating on longer. She didn’t need to contribute, but she did because it made her feel better.

I am 51 and unless your mum has health issues, I think’ reducing her hours at your expense is unreasonable

The only time this might ever be ok is if they were being forced to reduce their hours at work (to prevent redundancy for example), with the proviso that it would be a short term solution for a few months.

Otherwise, I cannot imagine my parents ever asking me to pay their bills so they could reduce their working hours. And to be fair, even when my DF was made redundant and I offered to help if needed, my offer of help was politely declined.

If they bring it up again just laugh and say "oh that's funny"

I wonder if the wonderful Mel is a reverse of the "everyone else's parents" who allow all sorts of things not permitted to your child? What would happen in you enthused, "Good for Mel! I must aske her how she manages it!" Possible back-pedalling?

Good grief, that’s terrible!! I’m 62 and wouldn’t dream of accepting help let alone demanding it! They’re not even old!! Honestly, they should be completely ashamed and asking what can they do to help you! Understand this one thing now and hold on to it: your child is your priority.

Nope. You need your money for your daughter, if you have money left over at least you can save a bit just in case, and give you and your daughter a good life

In today’s environment you don’t know if you may loose your job, so you may need savings to live in anyway

As the parent they are responsible for their own life and should not be relying on a child ( although I know in some cultures this is expected )

Next time they mention Mels child lays the bill, just say do they? Well I have x y and z to lol after they don’t, next time they go on about at their time if life they should be slowing down day, oh xx don’t get old before your time, everyone’s expected to work to 67 now

they currently use emotional blackmail to try and persuade me to do it like “You clearly don’t like me much if you won’t help me out”.
The response to which is: "tell you what, you prove how much you like me by helping me out".

You have absolutely no reason to feel guilty at all!

They are the definition of cheeky fuckers and their request is completely unreasonable.

Give over feeling guilty! They don't care about your child, who needs to be first here. I couldn't take a penny off my kids in this situation because I'd want my kids to prioritise their kids and their future first.

You can’t get help to top up benefits on UC unless you show you are actively looking for extra work to make full time hours with lots of check and sanctions on this. Unless they can only work part time for heath reasons where they may get small top up.

Even if you were willing to help them out in their old age if their pensions are tiny, why would you start this 15-20y earlier than needed?

Are you from a culture where this is normal, because this is very strange? I will probably need to help my DM out at some point but not while she’s still working?!

I would never expect my kids to pay my bills when I could work. In your place I’d laugh that one out the door.

No! Absolutely not. Time to back away. They should of saved for early retirement if that's what they planned.

In their 50's!!! No chance. You are the only person who can help your child with university or a house deposit. That's where your spare money should go if you have set aside enough for your future pension.

My DH is early 50s. None of our leeching workshy kids would pay our bills..... because they are all still at school. And my dad doesn't let me put my hand in my pocket for an ice cream let alone to pay for his gas bill.

Does this parent have a history of making odd declarations?

What a nasty move. She decided to have you, not the other way around.
Unfair to ask.

I thought the modern way was for parents in their fifties to give money to their children for deposits and such like.

Um.... why is this even a question? My answer would be no. I’m not paying my parents bills so they can go part time. They’ve had far more time to save up than I have and I can’t even afford to go part time.

Cheeky fckers.

maybe laugh and say dont hold your breath...

they currently use emotional blackmail to try and persuade me to do it like “You clearly don’t like me much if you won’t help me out”

Blackmail only works if the recipient goes along with it! If you tell them “that’s not the case and you know it but if you’re determined to think that, there is nothing I can do!” What are they going to say then? Blackmail isn’t actually blackmail if you won’t engage in their stupid manipulative games. Then it’s just a pathetic attempt to wield some kind of imaginary, non existent power.

Blimey! I’m going to be on the pig’s back, when my four pay up. Why didn’t I think of this sooner?

goes off to write manipulative text message.