To not pay my parent’s bills so they can work parttime?

[SoftChewyFoods]

Basically the above.

I could afford to help them out on 1 or 2 bills so they could cut down hours at work. But I don’t want to, I was hoping to wait until they were much much older. They’re only early 50s.

I don’t want to yet because they will want more and more bills paid and they currently use emotional blackmail to try and persuade me to do it like “But Mel’s son pays her bills and she works parttime and he earns less than you so you could help me” or “You clearly don’t like me much if you won’t help me out” or my very favourite “at my time of life I should be slowing down and doing less”

For context I have a sibling who cannot work and never will, they don’t live with this parent they live with our other parent.

I have my own child to support singlehandedly as for various reason my Ex doesn’t pay maintenance.

AIBU?

Vote:
YANBU - Don't pay the bills
YABU - Pay the bills

Why the fuck would you? I'd have just looked at them like they had three heads. No I won't pay your bills for you so you dont have to work?

What's your cultural background op? I know in some cultures, it is more normal for adult children to help out their parents financially

You could (if you have time) offer to sit down with them and figure out how they can save some money, perhaps downsize or take on a lodger. If they are only early 50s, they could still be alive and dependent past your own retirement age. They need to develop a realistic plan for the future.

Errrm what the fuck did I just read? If there was ever a reason for no contact this must be it.

I'm their age, wouldn't dream of taking a penny from my girls, I help them out!

Dammit I'm not far off 50 and I didn't have kids....If I'd known I could get them to fund early retirement for me maybe I would have had some! 😂

Totally ridiculous and unfair they are asking you this, if you were totally loaded and offered to help it would be one thing, but given your situation and that they are actually asking (bit gobsmacked by the cheek btw). NOPE.

Cheeky beggars. And the emotional blackmail? Sod what Mel tells them their son does. If he's that generous he can pay your parent's bills as well.

Do they help you with childcare so you can work?

That's the only legitimate argument I can see

They’re being CFs.

Why are you even engaging in the conversation? Shut it down.

Can they not go part time and claim benefits to top up their wage?

Is that a serious question ?

just bizzare they even asking

I came on to check if you were living at home and expected to pay 'housekeeping' - that would be reasonable.

Now you've made it clear you don't even live with them, then they are being ridiculous.
Quite frankly if you were single and a higher rate taxpayer, I still don't think you should be paying their bills.
I can't understand where their sense of entitlement is coming from.

Just why would you?

Bloody hell. My DM is 75 and still going out to work. I must be an awful daughter.

Offer to help them make a budget. Say no to financially supporting them.
No matter how much you earn it’s not your job and it’s not okay for them to ask.

I'm horrified! I'm early 50s, Dh and I both work (part time in my case, now that I can - it works for us)
If any of our adult children get in a pickle (one did due to covid redundancy) we'd try to help them out. I'd certainly not expect to be helping my parents out, unless it was true necessity. Wouldn't be funding any of them, old or young, to go part time.

Unless you are Adele/ Wayne Rooney then you absolutely shouldn't be paying your parent's bills.

When, so-and-so is brought up, reverse it and ask why they didn't set themselves and you up for life, like Bill Gates etc have. Or why they haven't been clever enough to retire by now and provide free childcare.

I hope they are not ill or suffer from some serious health condition that stops them from working full time at this stage.

Posted too soon!
If not I’ll or anything serious otherwise, then they should keep working I think.

Why on earth would you pay their bills?

Surely this isn't for real? My DH & I are both over 60 and fully intend to continue working until at least our late 60s, DH has just started a new, senior role.

The only response to that is ‘well good for Mel and her son, that doesn’t work for me and I won’t be doing that’

CF!

That’s bizarre. Don’t give your parents money - save if for you dd or spend it on you!

I am mid fifties and would never expect my children to subside me .