Comments in work

[Hellin301]

There is a man who works in my office, who started in July time. He’s mid 40’s.

We got talking for a bit last week. He made a completely random comment to me in the middle of the conversation that he would rate my looks a 5 out of 10. I was a bit hurt by his comment, but I couldn’t tell if this was just his sense of humour so I just laughed it off. Thought little else about it apart from I’d rather he didn’t comment on my looks in a work setting.

On Friday, one of the women I work with said she liked how I’d done my hair and makeup. From the back of the room he just started laughing; he was scoffing at her comment that I looked nice. This began to irritate me, given the previous comment so I just looked over and said “trust you to laugh at that.” The other man sitting next to him kind of chuckled along with him. I figured there was no point in saying that I was annoyed as it would likely just be put across that I can’t take a joke.

Later that same day we were asked if anyone could cover a Saturday overtime day. I stated I would ordinarily but I had made plans. Didn’t elaborate as to what they were. He then said to me at lunch, “are you spending your weekend getting some beauty treatments,” I told him no, that I hadn’t been back at a beauticians since before covid and he replied “well I didn’t want to say anything” & started laughing again! Basically implying I needed to go.

I had actually arranged to go on a date on Saturday, but ended up cancelling last minute because these comments had gotten to me. I don’t usually suffer from low self esteem but his comments have knocked my confidence. I can’t think of anything I’ve done on him to make him behave this way.

I’m now reluctant to be in the office with him again as I know he’ll say something else. I know if I say something to my boss he will tell me to lighten up

Good Lord stop with the 'he fancies you' crap.

Aww, he fancies you - after such a high opener just think of the years of put downs and emotional abuse that could lie ahead of you, you lucky girl you.

Whenever some middle aged dick comments on what I wear, hairstyle etc my standard response is
When the fuck did you win any fashion awards. Never fails

Last time I checked telling someone they were a 5 wasn't a great pulling tip. Unless he's been learning those creepy men's techniques where they learn to 'neg' girls etc - and then come on here and be told 'yup all good, he just fancies you' 😂

Just ask him if it makes he feel like more of a man by putting down his colleagues for no reason.

Fucking hate men like this (or anyone really) who seem to think that others are purely here for eye candy.
I wouldn’t bother taking him to one side and saying anything, I would go straight to HR/his manager about it

'I don't know what they're telling you over on Incels of Reddit, Nigel, but I can assure you that, in the real world, your behaviour is entirely inappropriate and I will be taking this to HR if I hear one more word out of you'.

I would tell him that is his third and final warning. One more comment... one more snigger and you are raising a formal complaint with HR. You will not wait. You will stand up and walk directly out the door and go straight there. If he can’t speak to you respectfully as a colleague, it is time he grew up.

There's one like this in every workplace. I would say back
Mmm well i would say you are 1 out
Of 10.
What can he say after that

Statement knickers is right, he is negging you.
These two idiots have made me really angry. Report both to HR. Nip this shitty behaviour in the bud. Please don’t cancel anymore dates though. He sounds like the sort of bloke that would say,’ hi gorgeous , can I buy you a drink?’ Then when you politely decline shout, ‘ forget it then you ugly bitch.’
Oh I’m ugly now I’ve knocked you back? I was gorgeous when you thought you had a chance.
Sending best wishes to you x x x

Report him to HR immediately

This is gross professional misconduct. Presumably he is still in his probationary period and this sounds like grounds for not passing probation to me. I would take the opportunity to get rid of this nasty inappropriate member of staff if I was his manager ASAP before he becomes permanent. Take it to your manager, his manager and HR. He sounds like a complete tosser

No no no I would absolutely tell your manager. I’m a manager & I would definitely want to know this. Immediately. It is sexist bullying & harassment. It needs to be stopped right now, properly, & he needs a formal warning.
This man is vile OP. So sorry he has upset you. Tell your boss. Please.

Tell this guy to shut it! What a nasty person he is! Breaking your confidence like that! Or you will go see the boss about it! Horrible!

@SideAfries

You need to act professionally & make him look like a dick (which he is.) agree with PP ‘That is not appropriate Bill.’

It makes you look like a mature woman who couldn’t give a shit what his actually saying, but his just being annoying & immature so you’re setting him straight.

Any shit comments about taking a joke

‘I have a sense of humour when someone is actually funny Bill.’

Whilst I am the kind of person who would give him a nasty sarcastic reply back to make him look like the utter prick he is (can’t help myself - mouth would engage before brain), I think the above advice is spot on.

Assertive, short and sweet, to the point and not engaging with him any more then you have to and not letting it look like just ‘banter’ so he gets away with it. Plus it’ll likely stop others joining in.

And yes definitely report the twat to HR.

It's sexual harassment.

To comment on someone's looks is sexual harassment.

Completely block him. What an evil creature he is. But you are letting him run your life you are letting him win, he isn't that important to you to let him do that he's a nobody.

I hear a great piece of advice in situations like this

" sorry I do not understand why that is funny. Please explain it'

Puts the awkwardness on them to explain why being sexist/racist/plain rude' onto the 'joke teller'

(and if they try to brush it off' "no seriously, I am really am interesting in why [comments about my looks] are so amusing)

If that is how someone acts when they fancy someone, then I would hate to see what he does if he didn’t like her.

I work in a male environment and one colleague me and him rip each other to shreds but it’s what we do and that is banter. If some random came in and started slagging me for no reason I would definitely get it reported. Just pull a face at him and shake your head like who tf do you think you are rather than respond verbally. Also, get that date rearranged. 👌🏻

I would defiantly say in front of everyone, “Its such a shame in this day and age That people who don’t feel Too great about themselves, which clearly you don’t to have to keep commenting on my looks, feel the need to transfer their insecurities onto other people . If you need to talk to someone mate Make an appointment with you gp” “me on the other hand is happy with how I look And your comments just make you look like a bully and everyone else uncomfortable as we are not 12 and adults simply don’t speak to each other like that” .. “I can take banter but I think everyone will agree lets leave poking fun at people’s looks is playground shit and we are above that” ... .. or simply “mate your no oil painting yourself, I’ll make some appointmentS for you also but think you Also need a personality transplant Too ” ... whatever you can fit in to say to shut him up

The minute OP goes back with any 'look at yourself, you're 1, small willy' comments, she loses all arguments about this being an inappropriate behaviour in the workplace. Really bad idea.

'Stop commenting on my, or anyone else's appearance. It is very unprofessional'

Repeat it as many times as required.

I had this, a twat of a man who picked on me. The last time he did it I said ‘Why do you always comment on my appearance?’

It completely flummoxed him as he wasn’t expecting to be challenged at all.

Agree with whoever said about asking him to repeat it - he will sound ridiculous saying it a second time, and everyone else around will notice too. And report to HR

Yes 💯 @MitziK 😂

My lovely if I'm honest ... it sounds like he may have a thing for you . Men when they like someone but do not actually want to show it wil I'll insult you . I've received this first hand with a guy in the office used to ignore me . Pretend I didn't exist , speak badly about me ... we dated for 6 months and then I found my current BF . He still won't leave me alone but in a more respectful way . It's almost a fudged up jealousy thing as he doesn't want you to know he likes you as he probably is insecure . Every time he insults you... think the opposite ♥️

Oh FFS. Where do you all work, in kindergarten? "Oh he pulled your hair, he must like you, you should be flattered!'

It's inappropriate behaviour and not something anybody should tolerate in their workplace.