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AIBU?

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Original poster

Or is DH a little selfish...

166 replies

Roseglasses · 13/09/2020 09:06

We have a 5 months old baby, first time parents.

DH is back in the office full time, and since our baby isn't sleeping very well on a night, DH has decided to sleep in the spare room Sun - Thu so his sleep isn't disturbed.

Ive felt like this is fair as I breastfeed so there's not really much he can help with overnight.

However he's now decided that on a weekend, he requires a sleep in as he's exhausted after working all week.
He's been doing this for a few weeks now.

Yesterday DC woke at 6am and I got up whilst DH slept until 11.!!!!

Today I was up at 5am and he's still in bed.

I've confronted him about this and his response was that he's working full time, he has a long commute (45 each way) and he needs the rest.

My argument is im awake several times a night with the baby, I'm not getting anymore than 3 unbroken hours at a time.

DH is in the spare room, he usually goes to bed at 10/11pm and he's up at 6.30am so he's getting a good 7/8 hours unbroken sleep 5 nights a week.

I'd love to have a sleep in on a weekend whilst he gets up with DD for a few hours.

I absolutely don't mind the unbroken sleep during the week and I definitely don't begrudge him being in the spare room, but am I being unreasonable to think him sleeping in on a weekend is taking the piss?

OP posts:
Sittingonthefence83 · 13/09/2020 09:09

YANBU and he is selfish!

Fair enough, like you said to do the night stuff when he has work but at a weekend he should let you have a break. Incredibly selfish IMO

Wigglegiggle0520 · 13/09/2020 09:10

Yep you are right. He is selfish. YADNBU.

Beagledbybeagle · 13/09/2020 09:10

Dont ask just do it. You sleep in spare room one night.

londonscalling · 13/09/2020 09:11

He is incredibly selfish. He should be supporting you! I wouldn't put up with it!

tiredanddangerous · 13/09/2020 09:11

Yanbu. He needs to be letting you have at least one lie in at the weekend.

User3627290 · 13/09/2020 09:12

He’s totally taking the piss. How can he need a lie in after a week of unbroken sleep and yet expect you to never have one to catch up yourself?

The sheer, stunning audacity of some men is just beyond comprehension to me. What a total arsehole.

Nottherealslimshady · 13/09/2020 09:12

He's being very selfish! You should be getting both lie ins at the weekend at this stage since you odnt sleep through the week. How much time does he actually spend with his baby?

Oysterbabe · 13/09/2020 09:13

Yanbu. You should be having at least one lie in every weekend.

What does he do? My DH has never tried to pull that as he knows I'll never buy he's exhausted from online shopping, fucking around on twitter and doing a bit of colouring in.

Candleabra · 13/09/2020 09:13

Very selfish. When the children were little we each had a lie in at the weekend, one Saturday, one Sunday. And by lie in, I mean 8.30 ish, not 11! That's ridiculous.

AlwaysInAQ · 13/09/2020 09:14

Yes, he should be getting up once a weekend morning with your baby.

user1493413286 · 13/09/2020 09:14

Definitely; with both our DC my DH would get up at 6am with them at the weekend while they were still waking in the night. Once they slept though we took it in turns.

Nogoodusername · 13/09/2020 09:15

Completely selfish. So he’s getting uninterrupted sleep Sunday to Thursday AND taking both weekend lie ins?! No way. I actually think you deserve both weekend lie ins as the only one getting broken sleep, but bare minimum you should be getting one of them - you need to tell him that this is how it is going to be from now on

GoldfishParade · 13/09/2020 09:15

That's not right. You should be having one weekend day when you're given the lie in at least.

Friendsoftheearth · 13/09/2020 09:16

Completely selfish, one lie in each at the weekend as a bare minimum, given you are waking up all night every night, he needs to be giving you as many breaks as possible.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 13/09/2020 09:16

am I being unreasonable to think him sleeping in on a weekend is taking the piss? No. YANBU.

He's being a selfish prick!

45 minutes each way is not a 'long commute'. It's the time it takes me to get to work each day and I don't consider it a commute, it's the drive to work, the nearest big town for shopping etc.

He gets 7 nights of unbroken sleep, doesn't he? He could give you Friday and / or Saturday and still have an unbroken night before he goes to work on Monday.

He's a parent. He needs to act like on, not like a selfish teenager. Tell him to wake the fuck up and start Adulting. Tell him plainly that you are knackered, on the verge of some serious sleep deprivation and his selfish behaviour is making it worse.

Ask him exactly what it is he is scared of and why he thinks his behaviour is in any way acceptable. He can't realy believe his own excuses, nobody is that daft!

Best of luck getting some sense out of him!

Nogoodusername · 13/09/2020 09:16

Also 45 minutes is not a long commute. Anything up to an hour is standard where I live

flymyprettyfly · 13/09/2020 09:16

I think he should at least be giving you one lay in at the weekend, but then I also think he deserves one too! So both have one each.

He is right though, he works full time and that in itself Is tiring.
If you wanted to, you could sleep during the day.
He can't do that at the office!!

Dee1975 · 13/09/2020 09:19

He’s not being fair. My DH was not very ‘dear’ when our ones were little. His view he worked full time so I had to do everything still on weekend. The way I saw it, he worked 37.5 hours a week, with breaks. I ‘Worked’ more hours looking after little one didn’t get any. That was not fair.
During the week that’s completely fair. But you need catch up time on the weekend in between breast feeding. He needs to understand that he can’t continue his normal life with a baby. He now has to do extra.
What will happen when you go back to work?

Candleabra · 13/09/2020 09:20

And yes agree with others that 45 mins is a standard work journey, quite short actually if that's door to door. Definitely not a long commute.

Abouttimemum · 13/09/2020 09:20

Yet another ‘father’ being an absolute dickhead.
I don’t agree that he shouldn’t be helping during the week but as your baby is breasted I can see your view point. Still don’t agree though.
But you should be alternating weekend nights without doubt so that you both get a full nights sleep and morning chill time.
Things like this absolutely infuriate me.
It’s complete bollocks that just because one partner goes to work they should not have to be responsible for their child.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 13/09/2020 09:22

Agree with everyone. He needs to step up at the weekend.

Porridgeoat · 13/09/2020 09:22

Yes he’s selfish

Porridgeoat · 13/09/2020 09:22

45 minutes is not a long commute

Mintjulia · 13/09/2020 09:24

Yanbu, He'a a selfish inconsiderate got.

My ex did exactly that. There were other reason as well but I left when ds was 2.

Don't ask, tell your dh that Sunday morning is your lie in and you will be handing dc over to him at 6am. No negotiation.

Mintjulia · 13/09/2020 09:25

git

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