Or is DH a little selfish...

[Roseglasses]

We have a 5 months old baby, first time parents.

DH is back in the office full time, and since our baby isn't sleeping very well on a night, DH has decided to sleep in the spare room Sun - Thu so his sleep isn't disturbed.

Ive felt like this is fair as I breastfeed so there's not really much he can help with overnight.

However he's now decided that on a weekend, he requires a sleep in as he's exhausted after working all week.
He's been doing this for a few weeks now.

Yesterday DC woke at 6am and I got up whilst DH slept until 11.!!!!

Today I was up at 5am and he's still in bed.

I've confronted him about this and his response was that he's working full time, he has a long commute (45 each way) and he needs the rest.

My argument is im awake several times a night with the baby, I'm not getting anymore than 3 unbroken hours at a time.

DH is in the spare room, he usually goes to bed at 10/11pm and he's up at 6.30am so he's getting a good 7/8 hours unbroken sleep 5 nights a week.

I'd love to have a sleep in on a weekend whilst he gets up with DD for a few hours.

I absolutely don't mind the unbroken sleep during the week and I definitely don't begrudge him being in the spare room, but am I being unreasonable to think him sleeping in on a weekend is taking the piss?

He may be working full time with a "long" commute (FWIW I wouldn't say 45 mins is that bad) but you are basically working or "on call" 24/7.

Why does he think that's ok? And why doesn't he want to spend any time with his own baby?!

Could you go back to bed for several hours now?

Also I was back in the office 3 days a week with a similar commute when our DS was 6 months. I didn't think it excused me from doing anything with my own child when I got home

Sorry but he's a grade A selfish cunt.

Shame this wasn't obvious before you procreated with him.

Ah he's one of those who thinks it's OK for your life to be turned upside down and be extremely difficult and exhausting, but his should be unaffected and he starts getting arsey that he doesn't have the exact same life as before. He'll probably be complaining that you don't give him the same amount of attention as you used to.

I bf both of mine. The first was a terrible sleeper. My dh slept separately as DS would only have me for wake ups. Therefore I got both weekend lie ins.

Actually he probably doesn't think about you enough to realise what life is like for you now. He probably thinks that because you aren't at work it's as if you're on holiday the whole time.

He's not being a little selfish at all.

He's being totally fucking selfish and needs to stop now! In bed until 11 am! He's taking the piss.

Saturday and Sunday's are your lie in days, he's on duty.

He’s a twat and incredibly stupid if he thinks his life shouldn’t change at all after having a baby. Stop trying to reason with him, he needs to grow up or fuck off

My husband gets up with the kids every day. Every day. Then he goes to work (wfh atm). He appreciates all I do for the whole family and this is his way of helping (he does other stuff too).

Your husband isn’t really a team player is he.

Hes not a little bit selfish. Hes a lot selfish. What does he honestley think your life is like? One lie in each at weekends is fair.

I'm sure resentment is one of the biggest ways to kill any love you may have for someone. Pity some men dont get that till their wife leaves and they pathetically say "but I thought we were happy"

Also I cannot stress this enough - nap when your baby naps in the day. You will not be able to do this when you have more children and you'll regret it!

Dont have more DC with this man.

I’m going to stick my neck out here and guess that he doesn’t do anything like his fair share of housework and cooking and shopping, never mind actually spending time with his baby.
I’m also going to guess that if you spoke to him about it he would say he’s too tired.
In which case there’s a fundamental flaw in is arguement. Either doing all that work is a hard and tiring, in which case his wife definitely deserves a rest too. Or it’s not that hard, in which case it certainly shouldn’t be beyond the capabilities of his lordship.
He can’t have it both ways. Twat.

I'm going to guess you're also doing all the cooking,cleaning,shopping,Washing,ironing etc too because he's "too tired from work".

Are you getting the "I work full time,you don't" bullshit?

Are you going back to work?

After the morning feed at the weekend, I would take the baby into the spare room and tell your H that you're going back to bed, and do it!.

Selfish, my wife was on maternity leave and i was working 5 days a week, she wasnt breastfeeding so i helped out during the night, a lay in for me on a weekend was 7am, then i was up with baby so my wife got some time in bed if she wanted to, your husband just sounds lazy, how the hell someone can lay in to 11am when they have a child is behond me

What the fuck is he tired from, he's living like a bachelor! 45 minutes is a pretty standard commute as well.

Took it in turns here, too. My ex was working in a demanding physical job and still didn't claim to need sleep more than I did.

My other ex agreed we could take it in turns to lie in but wanted to be the one to decide in the morning whether he gets up that day or not. Er, no.

Absolutely selfish as everyone else has said.

It sounds like my DH. I was breast feeding and he slept in the spare room but also had a lie in every Sat/ Sun, despite requests that he get up, and was generally selfish. He did improve somewhat when I went back to work (part time but same profession) but always considered his job more important and expected me to do the great majority of the 'grunt work', I was expected to be flexible with my work as his was the priority. His selfish, lazy behaviour over the years is one of the reasons I am, many years down the line, planning to divorce him.

Always found it strange that that these men think it's so easy looking after a baby, yet too hard for them to do after work when they need to relax. So when you're doing it you're relaxing. When they're expected to do it, it's work! Wtf

As soon as he gets up for the day at 11 or whatever, go back to bed for the amount of time you've been up for. So if you got up at 6 and he gets up at 11, hand baby over and tell him you'll be back at 4pm.

YANBU.
Your husband is being a selfish prick.

YANBU what a selfish bastard! We have a 4 week old baby and like you, I’m EBF so baby sleeps with me and DH sleeps in the spare room Sun-Thurs. Unlike your useless H however, he sleeps with us over the weekend and on weekdays gets up at 7am to take her for a few hours so I can catch up on my sleep. On the nights he sleeps in our room, he also does all middle of the night nappy changes. He often moans he’s tired and how he can’t do much of what he did before but he fully acknowledges I’m much more tired and that’s just what life is like with a newborn!

Bet you’re doing all the housework and cooking too. Don’t have any more DC with this useless man, you and your DC deserve far more than someone who can’t even look after their own child without whinging like a toddler. MN is full of these awful men

Both lie in on a weekend just alternate days, that’s what we do. Everyone gets a lay in 👍🏼

Selfish git!!

He is INCREDIBLY selfish. And an arsehole.

Just echoing the general sentiments. Extremely extremely selfish! My DH also works 5 days a week and sometimes has a 2 hour commute one way! He still gets up at 6am on the weekend so I get the extra couple hours. I also breastfeed so there isn't much he can do at night. Your DH hasn't a clue what you're going through.