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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is DH a little selfish...

166 replies

Roseglasses · 13/09/2020 09:06

We have a 5 months old baby, first time parents.

DH is back in the office full time, and since our baby isn't sleeping very well on a night, DH has decided to sleep in the spare room Sun - Thu so his sleep isn't disturbed.

Ive felt like this is fair as I breastfeed so there's not really much he can help with overnight.

However he's now decided that on a weekend, he requires a sleep in as he's exhausted after working all week.
He's been doing this for a few weeks now.

Yesterday DC woke at 6am and I got up whilst DH slept until 11.!!!!

Today I was up at 5am and he's still in bed.

I've confronted him about this and his response was that he's working full time, he has a long commute (45 each way) and he needs the rest.

My argument is im awake several times a night with the baby, I'm not getting anymore than 3 unbroken hours at a time.

DH is in the spare room, he usually goes to bed at 10/11pm and he's up at 6.30am so he's getting a good 7/8 hours unbroken sleep 5 nights a week.

I'd love to have a sleep in on a weekend whilst he gets up with DD for a few hours.

I absolutely don't mind the unbroken sleep during the week and I definitely don't begrudge him being in the spare room, but am I being unreasonable to think him sleeping in on a weekend is taking the piss?

OP posts:
MammaSchwifty · 13/09/2020 19:56

selfish cunt.

sleep is a basic human need, you need it as much as him and broken baby duty sleep is less restful than the full nights he's having. You need to lob the baby at him at 5, 6 am at the weekend so you can catch up some too.

Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 13/09/2020 19:58

He sounds unbelievably selfish! He should be making sure you get at least one good lie in on the weekend, if not both, as he doesn’t have the same sleep deficit to catch up on from the week. And it will give him some time to bond with the baby 1-2-1 too.

He should also be taking the baby for a bit when he gets home from work, and from time to time on the weekend, so you get a bit of a break.

No time to himself? He’s got all the time he’s at work and on his VERY SHORT journey to work to himself to feel like an independent adult. 45 mins is a picnic of a commute too.

Bluntness100 · 13/09/2020 19:59

Yeah that’s really bad. Does he do any parenting at all?

Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 13/09/2020 20:00

You need to nip this in the bud now otherwise the resentment will build so much that you will never be able to look at him in the same way again, and the marriage will be over.

LagunaBubbles · 13/09/2020 20:00

Has his selfishness came as a complete surprise to you?

Hiccupiscal · 13/09/2020 20:02

YANBU

wingingit987 · 13/09/2020 20:41

He's not being a little selfish he's being a massive selfish twit!

Original poster
roseglasses · 13/09/2020 21:57

@Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches

You need to nip this in the bud now otherwise the resentment will build so much that you will never be able to look at him in the same way again, and the marriage will be over.
@Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches

This is what I'm afraid of. 😔

OP posts:
Original poster
roseglasses · 13/09/2020 22:00

@popsydoodle4444

I'm going to guess you're also doing all the cooking,cleaning,shopping,Washing,ironing etc too because he's "too tired from work".

Are you getting the "I work full time,you don't" bullshit?

Are you going back to work?

Yes I'm planning on going back but only part time.
OP posts:
JulesCobb · 13/09/2020 22:03

Go Back full time.

DO NOT SACRIFICE YOUR CAREER AND PENSION FOR A SELFISH MAN.

CheshireDing · 13/09/2020 22:03

Who the hell gets to lie in until 11am with a baby/small child in the house !?!?

We get excited if they stay in bed til 7am (and that’s a bloody miracle) and mine are older than the OP’s.

What a mean man.

Batshitbeautycosmeticsltd · 13/09/2020 22:05

[quote Roseglasses]@Tappering

Let me guess, he comes in at night and has to unwind from work so cannot possibly take the baby.

Yep Sad

And I've also heard how he has no time to himself recently too... [/quote]
He's not just 'a little selfish', he's very selfish. Shit parent, too. I would not give up my earning/career/job to enable a selfish, sexist prick like this at all. Don't start using your mat leave to become a house elf. Go back to work FT and divide out the lifework 50/50. As for the sleep thing, FUCK that. And for his needing to 'unwind' after work. I'd actually take off and leave when he walks in the door.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 13/09/2020 22:07

Agree. Start making plans to go back full time.

Or go back earlier and ask him to take extended paternity leave.

Batshitbeautycosmeticsltd · 13/09/2020 22:07

Yes I'm planning on going back but only part time.

NOPE. NFW. That would be possibly one of the stupidest decisions you could ever make. He won't step up, he'll get worse, you'll go and have another kid with him, he'll get worse, you'll start to hate him (how you don't know is beyond me) and then be unable to leave him because you've compromised your earning potential.

Brigante9 · 13/09/2020 22:09

Does he drive to work? Cos if not, he’s resting during his commute!

snappycamper · 13/09/2020 22:10

Wow. What a selfish wanker.

Don't have any more children with this twat OP

LajesticVantrashell · 13/09/2020 22:16

You need to stop this and stop this now. You are ENTITLED to a break, to a lie in. Yes, so is he, but next weekend take your DD in as soon as she wakes and tell him you're going back to bed, and will be until 9am EVERY SUNDAY for the foreseeable.

TacosTuesday · 13/09/2020 22:17

Time to lay down some expectations and good habits. 2 weekend days, 1 lie in each. Possibly an overnoon nap too each if needed! Husband and I had a weekend lie in each, it was literally a life saver when babies were small, not even long e.g 9am but it was total bliss and that total switch off knowing I could just sleep and not listen out was amazing! Also get into a good routine in the evening, e.g he comes in, alternate doing bath time or cooking dinner - both of you may actually get an evening and some free time...go out individually too. It's very possible but sounds like it needs some 'shaping' with your OH!

Galaxxy · 13/09/2020 22:24

It was behaviour like this that was the beginning of the end of my marriage, and it wasn't even as bad as your DH's selfish arse behaviour. Sleeping in until 11 ffs. Is he a teenager?! He's really shown his true colours here the self centred prick. Put a rocket up his arse. Or else he'll be losing out on his special lay ins when he has to parent his child alone every other weekend. Don't give him and inch. The words 'you selfish cunt' should be included in the takedown. Sorry op, and I'm probably definitely projecting, but I really hate the sound of him!

ulanbatorismynextstop · 13/09/2020 22:25

He's selfish and taking the pish.

ClarencesMum · 13/09/2020 22:28

Selfish.

Maybe, just maybe, it would be reasonable on work nights if he worked at height, operated potentially dangerous machinery or saved actual lives. But not to sit in an office.

Batshitbeautycosmeticsltd · 13/09/2020 22:42

I'd tell him it appears he thought parenting started and ended with donating his genetic material and did he expect that his life would continue exactly as before?

What an arsehole, gets a perfectly lovely baby and family, something so many long for and can't get, and doesn't want to spend any time with them at all.

SleepingStandingUp · 13/09/2020 22:45

He is being an unreasonable dick.

YOU are working full time, without breaks and you're working the night shift.

Nanny0gg · 13/09/2020 23:33

[quote Roseglasses]@Tappering

Let me guess, he comes in at night and has to unwind from work so cannot possibly take the baby.

Yep Sad

And I've also heard how he has no time to himself recently too... [/quote]
Do you have family locally?

Can you go and stay with your mum for a rest (and to get away from that selfish arse)

Did he really not think that life changes hugely when you have children?

Zerrin13 · 14/09/2020 00:06

Yet another complete twat

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