To tell his wife....

[rachielou10]

I work with a guy, We'll call him Tom.

Last year our work hosted a summer party, after some drinks, Tom was acting inappropriately with one of the girls from our office. We'll call her Jess.
None of us saw any kissing, but they were very flirty, touchy, huggy.
More than just the usual "appropriate" behaviour.

It became office gossip that Tom & Jess were "seeing" one another.
They would always be together in the canteen, they'd regularly be seen going out together in the car at lunch time, and they'd always be together at the pub for Friday night drinks.

Tom has a wife but none of us wanted to question Tom as we don't know for certain that there is anything going on between him and Jess.

December last year our work hosted a Christmas party and for the first time we were allowed to bring partners.

Tom brought his wife.

My husband and I were seated at the same table as Tom and his wife for dinner.

I got chatting to her and she's such a lovely person. At the end of the night we ended up exchanging numbers and said we should meet for lunch.
We messaged a few times in the new year but lockdown hit and we never got the chance to meet and we've not messaged now for 5/6 months.

Two weeks ago my husband and I booked an overnight break in Chester at a lovely hotel/spa.

Guess who I saw that evening whilst we were having dinner....

TOM & JESS!!!

It was the MOST uncomfortable experience.
I saw them, they saw me. Neither of us said anything.

I'm currently working form home (most of our office are) so I haven't seen either of them in person though Jess and I have exchanged a few emails.

I still have Toms wife's number and I'm wracked with guilt on whether it's my responsibility to tell her.

I haven't told any of my other colleagues about this as I don't to be the one to spread the news, although we've all had our speculation something has been going on.

I just don't know what to do.

I wish I'd never seen them there!

I mean what would he have told his wife? Work trip?

I can't stop thinking about it.

If it were me, I'd want to know.

It could cause problems for me at work if I were to tell his wife too.

I've typed a message so many times but I've yet to press send.

Help! 😔

I hope there was a good hair toss too.

On the offchance that you're still reading, WitchesNStuff, it's not splitting hairs. You've made a comment about your wording. Anytime that you (general you, not aimed at you specifically) make it about other people, making judgements about them as being a, b, c,, you will likely get their backs up; as you clearly have..

Saying that you have 'little respect for people who x, y , z' is fine. Nobody minds what you think. We're free to think what we like (for now, at least).

OP, you're in a difficult position. I'd be inclined to drop the casual text to the wife... IF the cheating pair weren't colleagues of mine. I think the workplace aspect would push it into "not my business" territory even though she should know.

I always see people suggesting anonymous notes etc of varying degrees of elaborateness...(?) Doing this is a surefire way of turning the drama into "who is the mysterious shadowy figure" (who will no doubt have a list of reasons to be lying, according to the cheater) rather than the issue at hand. Best be upfront.

Any decent person would be torn about whether to tell the wife or not IMO. Only a person with no morals or doesn't give a shit about anyone else would be 100% certain they wouldn't Witches wasn't saying decent people have to tell the wife. Just that they would consider what to do. Considering options is the rational thing to do after all.

And ganging up together to attack a poster isn't a kind thing to do. There's just no need. There is a person behind the screen. Maybe some trolls behind others....

Nobody has ganged up on anyone. Sometimes a post prompts the same response in several people.

Absolutely I would tell.

I would want to know. I’d be annoyed you kept this from me. Denied me the chance of asking him what the hell is all this about .

Really @ShebaShimmyShake. All the flouncing/hair toss stuff makes you sound like playground bullies.

Oh grow up.

@WaterOffADucksCrack

Really *@ShebaShimmyShake*. All the flouncing/hair toss stuff makes you sound like playground bullies.

The poster snarled at us and flounced (don't know why, she was insulting other people initially), we both had the same reaction. We aren't cackling together in a villain's lair, although I'd probably be open to it.

Oh grow up Such a mature response!

@ShebaShimmyShake a snarl is something you can see or hear so how can you tell?

We aren't cackling together in a villain's lair, although I'd probably be open to it. I didn't say you were I said you sound like a bully.

If you think I or anyone else bullied someone, report the post. Personally I thought the hair toss line was funny and I genuinely hope the poster did one. If you're going to flounce, you absolutely should be fabulous while doing it.

It is probably fair to say that all possible answers to the original question have been given.

Laughing at your own "joke" is never a good luck. And I've chosen to tell you how you come across rather than run to tell moderators. But you seem incredibly self unaware!

A good what? And why would anyone make a joke if they didn't think it was funny?

Thank you for your opinion, to which I have given all due respect. I'm afraid I'm a bit fatigued by all my moral superiors today (there was a Botox thread too, you see), but maybe you can try again tomorrow. Pip pip.

A good look. English isn't my first language but I do try. I don't understand the reference of moral superiors and Botox. I'm all for botox, it means some of the people I care for are pain free.

"This is by no means “the absolute worst”. The are millions of people dealing with much worse situations than this"

Thanks @Vinyldetective (for some reason I'm unable to tag you) for shutting down my opinion.

I actually DO think that the worst bit of being cheated on is people knowing, talking about it and you completely unaware. Of course there are worse situations going on in the world, we all know that, but one persons misery doesn't negate anyone else's feelings, regardless of the situation.

I'm sorry you seem to struggle with anyone else having a different viewpoint from you!

I'm sorry you seem to struggle with anyone else having a different viewpoint from you!

I don’t. I just disagree. It’s no struggle.

OP, did you tell?